Question for Catholics re: marriage

[Anonymous]

You need to pick your friends better.

Conservative Catholic here and your marriage does not mean a thing to me. There is nothing in Canon law about being friends with someone with an invalid marriage and in fact the rules have softened on attending an invalid marriage. I spoke at length to my pastor before attending my sister's same sex marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have not one, but two, Catholic friends who were horrified to find out that my Catholic husband and I are in an "invalid marriage due to lack of form". We were married in my Protestant church without dispensation from the Catholic church. One of them won't even speak to my husband because she considers him living in sin. The other mentions, every time he sees us, that we need to get our marriage convalidated so we're "really married".

But both are vehemently pro-same sex marriage. Can any Catholics explain why (some? most?) Catholics are accepting of same sex marriage, but consider my husband and I just live-in lovers? I know lots of Catholics pick and choose rules, but it seems strange to pick and choose rules specific to marriage (or any of subset of Catholic rules, but this is the one that affects me).

These are entirely different issues. One issue is about what Catholics should do as Catholics and one issue is about whether people who may or may not be Catholics should have civil rights. For praciticing Catholics, marriage is a sacarment, not just a legal arrangment. It's a very serious sacrament, equivelant to taking holy orders for a nun or a priest.

People who are professed Catholics and who take communion are obligated to follow the forms of marriage prescribed by the Church. If you have fatih, you should live your faith. Your husband is not doing so and is a bad Catholic. Catholics are required to have a sacramental marriage, blessed by the Church.

That doesn't mean that people who are NOT Catholic should be deprived of their civil rights to marry. They should be allowed to marry. That doens't mean the Catholic Church is going to recognize that marriage as a sacramental marriage regardless of whether you are gay or staight.

Your friend is holding your marriage to the standard set forth by the Church, because your husband is Catholic. He has an obligation to meet the standard set out by the Church if he is going to be a Catholic. Other people don't have to, and you don't have to, but he does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have not one, but two, Catholic friends who were horrified to find out that my Catholic husband and I are in an "invalid marriage due to lack of form". We were married in my Protestant church without dispensation from the Catholic church. One of them won't even speak to my husband because she considers him living in sin. The other mentions, every time he sees us, that we need to get our marriage convalidated so we're "really married".

But both are vehemently pro-same sex marriage. Can any Catholics explain why (some? most?) Catholics are accepting of same sex marriage, but consider my husband and I just live-in lovers? I know lots of Catholics pick and choose rules, but it seems strange to pick and choose rules specific to marriage (or any of subset of Catholic rules, but this is the one that affects me).

Now imagine if people like this were in high positions of power telling everyone else how to live and interpret Bible and teachings of Christ. ISIS, anyone?

Oh please

Comparing someone's words expressing a religious belief to Isis, which throws gays or suspected gays off the roofs of high buildings, films it and posts online is a ridiculous comparison and you know it.

Don't be stupid. You are hopefully smarter than your post indicates.

It all just starts with words. You want someone in power with an outlandish belief system? You are so naive to think we don't have people in the US who would kill in the name of Christianity? You really don't think there are people who believe their religion is the correct one? Catholics already had their ISIS moment. It was called the Inquisition.

[Anonymous]

If people who are not technically in good standing did not receive communion Almost nobody in my church would be able to go up. How many people follow all of the rules of the Catholic Church? No birth control, no fertility treatments, no sex before marriage, no abortions, invalid marriage, and on and on. I have been catholic my whole life and I know one family who follows all teachings of the church. They are Opus Dei. As a group we Catholics need to stop being so judgmental and more accepting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Catholics already had their ISIS moment. It was called the Inquisition.

The Anglicans burned people at the stake at recently as the seventeenth century. Somehow, I'm not worried about my Episcopalian neighbors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Catholics already had their ISIS moment. It was called the Inquisition.

The Anglicans burned people at the stake at recently as the seventeenth century. Somehow, I'm not worried about my Episcopalian neighbors.

And look at all the horrible things atheists did in the last century under their beliefs of a godless society.

Every belief system in this olanet has had its "moments".

And the Christian belief system is still fairly mainstream in this country, so hardly and extreme position. We still have freedom of religion in this country.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Catholics already had their ISIS moment. It was called the Inquisition.

The Anglicans burned people at the stake at recently as the seventeenth century. Somehow, I'm not worried about my Episcopalian neighbors.

And look at all the horrible things atheists did in the last century under their beliefs of a godless society.

Every belief system in this olanet has had its "moments".

And the Christian belief system is still fairly mainstream in this country, so hardly and extreme position. We still have freedom of religion in this country.

There is the general belief system (love Jesus, go to church treat your neighbors with love, etc) then there are the factions. Anyone is free to be in a loopy subgroup (Scientology). The hope is the sane will always outnumber the insane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Catholics already had their ISIS moment. It was called the Inquisition.

The Anglicans burned people at the stake at recently as the seventeenth century. Somehow, I'm not worried about my Episcopalian neighbors.

And look at all the horrible things atheists did in the last century under their beliefs of a godless society.

Every belief system in this olanet has had its "moments".

And the Christian belief system is still fairly mainstream in this country, so hardly and extreme position. We still have freedom of religion in this country.

Atheism is not a belief system it is simply the lack of belief in gods.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cradle Catholic here. Could be that your friends don't care who is married to whom as long as they get the form right. Possibly a consistent position? Agree your friends are looney on this one. But at least you know that now.

I have Jewish friends who support same sex marriage but not a Jew marrying a non-Jew.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If people who are not technically in good standing did not receive communion Almost nobody in my church would be able to go up. How many people follow all of the rules of the Catholic Church? No birth control, no fertility treatments, no sex before marriage, no abortions, invalid marriage, and on and on. I have been catholic my whole life and I know one family who follows all teachings of the church. They are Opus Dei. As a group we Catholics need to stop being so judgmental and more accepting.

.

Not all devout Catholics are Opus Dei. I'm not Opus Dei and I won't remarry without an annulment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If people who are not technically in good standing did not receive communion Almost nobody in my church would be able to go up. How many people follow all of the rules of the Catholic Church? No birth control, no fertility treatments, no sex before marriage, no abortions, invalid marriage, and on and on. I have been catholic my whole life and I know one family who follows all teachings of the church. They are Opus Dei. As a group we Catholics need to stop being so judgmental and more accepting.

.

Not all devout Catholics are Opus Dei. I'm not Opus Dei and I won't remarry without an annulment.

Do you use birth control? If so, you are a sinner in the eyes of the church just the same as someone who remarried without an annulment. An annulment is just a meaningless piece of paper, the person was still married.

[Anonymous]

Catholic and I pass no judgement on you.

But if you do decide to do the validation - it is quite easy. We had it done two years ago.

[Anonymous]

Your friends' views about DH's invalid marriage and support for civil (not sacramental) gay marriage is not inconsistent as others have pointed out.

What I do find odd is that one won't even speak to your DH. I am a conservative Catholic and have many friends who are lapsed. Not infrequently, the topic of Catholicism comes up, and it is often an opportunity to shed light on some of the things about Catholicism that bother the lapsed Catholic. These are strictly respectful exchanges of views; no active attempt on my part to persuade the person back to the fold.

Do your friends refuse to speak to lapsed Catholics as well? This would seem very odd; many priests I know are more than happy to engage with lapsed Catholics and not just in a pastoral role either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have not one, but two, Catholic friends who were horrified to find out that my Catholic husband and I are in an "invalid marriage due to lack of form". We were married in my Protestant church without dispensation from the Catholic church. One of them won't even speak to my husband because she considers him living in sin. The other mentions, every time he sees us, that we need to get our marriage convalidated so we're "really married".

But both are vehemently pro-same sex marriage. Can any Catholics explain why (some? most?) Catholics are accepting of same sex marriage, but consider my husband and I just live-in lovers? I know lots of Catholics pick and choose rules, but it seems strange to pick and choose rules specific to marriage (or any of subset of Catholic rules, but this is the one that affects me).

These are entirely different issues. One issue is about what Catholics should do as Catholics and one issue is about whether people who may or may not be Catholics should have civil rights. For praciticing Catholics, marriage is a sacarment, not just a legal arrangment. It's a very serious sacrament, equivelant to taking holy orders for a nun or a priest.

People who are professed Catholics and who take communion are obligated to follow the forms of marriage prescribed by the Church. If you have fatih, you should live your faith. Your husband is not doing so and is a bad Catholic. Catholics are required to have a sacramental marriage, blessed by the Church.

That doesn't mean that people who are NOT Catholic should be deprived of their civil rights to marry. They should be allowed to marry. That doens't mean the Catholic Church is going to recognize that marriage as a sacramental marriage regardless of whether you are gay or staight.

Your friend is holding your marriage to the standard set forth by the Church, because your husband is Catholic. He has an obligation to meet the standard set out by the Church if he is going to be a Catholic. Other people don't have to, and you don't have to, but he does.

I think I see them asmore similar because I am not Catholic, but because I'm married to one, I'm held to their standard. At least according to the priest who told me I was living in sin.

-OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have not one, but two, Catholic friends who were horrified to find out that my Catholic husband and I are in an "invalid marriage due to lack of form". We were married in my Protestant church without dispensation from the Catholic church. One of them won't even speak to my husband because she considers him living in sin. The other mentions, every time he sees us, that we need to get our marriage convalidated so we're "really married".

But both are vehemently pro-same sex marriage. Can any Catholics explain why (some? most?) Catholics are accepting of same sex marriage, but consider my husband and I just live-in lovers? I know lots of Catholics pick and choose rules, but it seems strange to pick and choose rules specific to marriage (or any of subset of Catholic rules, but this is the one that affects me).

These are entirely different issues. One issue is about what Catholics should do as Catholics and one issue is about whether people who may or may not be Catholics should have civil rights. For praciticing Catholics, marriage is a sacarment, not just a legal arrangment. It's a very serious sacrament, equivelant to taking holy orders for a nun or a priest.

People who are professed Catholics and who take communion are obligated to follow the forms of marriage prescribed by the Church. If you have fatih, you should live your faith. Your husband is not doing so and is a bad Catholic. Catholics are required to have a sacramental marriage, blessed by the Church.

That doesn't mean that people who are NOT Catholic should be deprived of their civil rights to marry. They should be allowed to marry. That doens't mean the Catholic Church is going to recognize that marriage as a sacramental marriage regardless of whether you are gay or staight.

Your friend is holding your marriage to the standard set forth by the Church, because your husband is Catholic. He has an obligation to meet the standard set out by the Church if he is going to be a Catholic. Other people don't have to, and you don't have to, but he does.

I think I see them asmore similar because I am not Catholic, but because I'm married to one, I'm held to their standard. At least according to the priest who told me I was living in sin.

-OP