American Parenting Killing American Marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The divorce rate is at an all time low.

Just sayin'.....

An all time low? I'm skeptical of that. However, it is down quite a bit since the spike in the 70s.
http://www.vanneman.umd.edu/socy441/trends/divorce.jpg

Parenting wasn't all that attentive back in the 60s and 70s -- though divorce peaked then. So, the connection between over-parenting and divorce seems tenuous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The divorce rate is at an all time low.

Just sayin'.....

Then don't fear it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The divorce rate is at an all time low.

Just sayin'.....

An all time low? I'm skeptical of that. However, it is down quite a bit since the spike in the 70s.
http://www.vanneman.umd.edu/socy441/trends/divorce.jpg

Parenting wasn't all that attentive back in the 60s and 70s -- though divorce peaked then. So, the connection between over-parenting and divorce seems tenuous.

Doen since women got the ability to support themselves financially. You cant even consider divorce rates pretty 1960. Women were trapped back then. Trapped socially and financially.

The premise of this topic is sophomoric at best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I told my kids that they are tied for second in my favorite people on the planet. Their father comes first. I want them to feel free to love someone more than me without feeling guilty. My mother always made it quite clear she loved us way above our father and it made it difficult to leave her at adulthood.

That's an interesting strategy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I could not agree more with this article. I work with children and see first hand the damage being a parent can do to a person's marriage. I see so many child-obsessed mothers and bored, lonely fathers. It has made DH and I forego having children in favor of a healthy marriage. Who needs that stress?

I love my children more than I love my husband.

[Anonymous]

What scares me is that people go in on a mortgage trusting that both spouses will work and will stay together for the next 30 years. This drives up housing costs. Yet one out of three will end up divorced. I guess they are counting on good divorce settlements, downsizing, and/or renting out rooms if they end up divorced. From people I've personally known, they usually end up splitting the assets and selling the home. So if a large percentage of homes need to be sold due to divorce, wouldn't this cause a down-turn in housing prices?

[Anonymous]

This was a lazy, hyperbolic piece. Yes, some people are that way, but some people aren't. I have a hard time believing that only my group of friends doesn't worship their children and really enjoy adult company.

[Anonymous]

Spouse should always come first. A good marriage is the foundation for a family. Besides, kids are only in the house for 18 years. Presumably you'll be married 50+ years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bah...I am European and I love my children way more than my husband, and so do my friends who still live there.
Perhaps it's because I am from Southern Europe and that's how we do it. Husbsnds can come and go, a child is your child for ever.

I am American, but of southern European heritage. I feel the same way.

And I do love my husband: we have frequent, great sex, do date nights, share hobbies, and we have a great relationship overall. But I would die for my children. They bring me so, so much pure joy.

My mom was also the same way (kids first), and I have a wonderful relationship with her and my dad (always have, always will). They are still happily married more than 15 years after becoming empty nesters. PPs who are trying to make loving your children more than your spouse into a bad thing obviously have some mommy issues they are working out!

[Anonymous]

I love my spouse differently than I love my kids differently than I love my parents. And they all get different sorts of attention from me. How is that so hard for people to understand and do? Life is about juggling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bah...I am European and I love my children way more than my husband, and so do my friends who still live there.
Perhaps it's because I am from Southern Europe and that's how we do it. Husbsnds can come and go, a child is your child for ever.

I am American, but of southern European heritage. I feel the same way.

And I do love my husband: we have frequent, great sex, do date nights, share hobbies, and we have a great relationship overall. But I would die for my children. They bring me so, so much pure joy.

My mom was also the same way (kids first), and I have a wonderful relationship with her and my dad (always have, always will). They are still happily married more than 15 years after becoming empty nesters. PPs who are trying to make loving your children more than your spouse into a bad thing obviously have some mommy issues they are working out!

Same here. Both DH and I are in agreement that we love our children much more than each other. My love for my children is unconditional. There is nothing they could do that would make me turn my back on them. There are things that my DH could do that would cause me to walk out on him and never look back. He'd say the same thing about me.

This doesn't mean that I have a bad relationship with him. I've been reading these boards for a long time and have come to the conclusion that my marriage and my sex life is leaps and bounds better than what most people have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The divorce rate is at an all time low.

Just sayin'.....

An all time low? I'm skeptical of that. However, it is down quite a bit since the spike in the 70s.
http://www.vanneman.umd.edu/socy441/trends/divorce.jpg

Parenting wasn't all that attentive back in the 60s and 70s -- though divorce peaked then. So, the connection between over-parenting and divorce seems tenuous.

Doen since women got the ability to support themselves financially. You cant even consider divorce rates pretty 1960. Women were trapped back then. Trapped socially and financially.

The premise of this topic is sophomoric at best.

But families were better off

[Anonymous]

The "little years" were tough on our marriage. Lack of sleep, constant demands, being pulled in so many directions, siblings fighting, fighting, fighting, unable to do anything for themselves and the crying...oh God, the crying. There were some brutal years, but we've hit a good stride now and DH and I have each other's back. All the kids are in elementary school now. I'm glad we came through the other side, but I've even more glad we won't need to re-live THAT again!

FWIW, I started sending my kids into the fenced backyard with minimal supervision at 3. I also stopped hovering at the playground at 3. It was a relief when I could just sit and have a coffee or chat with a friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The divorce rate is at an all time low.

Just sayin'.....

An all time low? I'm skeptical of that. However, it is down quite a bit since the spike in the 70s.
http://www.vanneman.umd.edu/socy441/trends/divorce.jpg

Parenting wasn't all that attentive back in the 60s and 70s -- though divorce peaked then. So, the connection between over-parenting and divorce seems tenuous.

Doen since women got the ability to support themselves financially. You cant even consider divorce rates pretty 1960. Women were trapped back then. Trapped socially and financially.

The premise of this topic is sophomoric at best.

But families were better off

How? Do share.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This was a lazy, hyperbolic piece. Yes, some people are that way, but some people aren't. I have a hard time believing that only my group of friends doesn't worship their children and really enjoy adult company.

I agree. It was light weight. It needs deeper analysis backed up with some cold hard facts. Its just like a dinner party anecdote as it stands. Where's The Economist when you need it?