Moms: weigh in in what you want in aunts

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't spoil them. Give some of that $$ to a worthwhile charity, like wildlife rescue.

Oh, shut up. Stupid advice.

I'm not pp, but I can agree with not spoiling nieces and nephews with stuff. Don't buy their love, attention, and time - do things with them, listen to them, play with them, go places with them, and just be present and around.

The wad of cash for their birthday is nice, but forgettable. Make memories (which needn't cost much, or any money).

[Anonymous]

This is actually making me tear up a little. My mother's sister lived about 30 miles away from us, in a rural area so that was a big deal (and also a long distance phone call, which was a huge deal back in the 70s).

Anyway, she and her husband didn't think they could have kids, though my aunt wanted kids desperately.

She was to me like you want to be to your nieces. We would go stay with them for a few days at time once or twice a year and that trip was great. We didn't spend much one on one time otherwise, but we'll all go to the big city together to go shopping or sometimes my mom would take us there for visiting or she'd come up and visit us. She was just the most caring, loving person who made us feel special. She had long, long hair she would let us brush - basically she just let us do things (and had more patience for us) than our busy, tired parents.

I also remember that she told us that she had a house elf who lived in her pantry and the house elf cleaned her kitchen every night after we ll went to bed. My brother and I loved hearing about this house elf and looking for him. Bottom line: she created magic for us.

She finally became pregnant when I was 9 and my cousin was a special part of our lives. My aunt developed breast cancer when my cousin was very small - only 4 or so - and fought it off. She lived cancer free for over 5 years when the cancer came back, and she died when my cousin was a freshman in college. It was - and still is - a devastating loss.

[Anonymous]

I am an Aunt to 2 of the most wonderful human beings I know. I have always spoiled them materially, but what I love most is being with them. I cherish the bike rides, running through the sprinkler on a hot day, baking goodies, doing art projects, going to their games/recitals/competitions/school programs, singing to songs in the car with the radio turned up, visiting different playgrounds around town, watching TV together in bed with snacks, there are so many things to do and look forward to doing with them. They grow up fast, try to savor every moment!

[Anonymous]

Your nieces are lucky to have you. I wish my sister would be an awesome aunt like you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your nieces are lucky to have you. I wish my sister would be an awesome aunt like you.

Thank you! And thanks to everyone who posted. I've read every reply and you guys have all made me teary. I really feel lucky and excited beyond words to develop relationships with my nieces like the ones you've shared (though I'll pass on dying my hair red ).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your nieces are lucky to have you. I wish my sister would be an awesome aunt like you.

Thank you! And thanks to everyone who posted. I've read every reply and you guys have all made me teary. I really feel lucky and excited beyond words to develop relationships with my nieces like the ones you've shared (though I'll pass on dying my hair red ).

ok but what about driving them around in a convertible?

[Anonymous]

I want you to come be with them for a weekend so I can get away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you live nearby? Could you have special outings with your nieces every couple of weeks? I still remember hot chocolate trips with my aunt. Nothing fancy or complex, but as a kid I loved the one-on-one time.

This.

[Anonymous]

Spend time with them. You don't need to spend a lot of money on them, in fact, it's better if you don't, but spend time. Take them to museums or plays, or just to get an ice cream cone. Come to their games or recitals sometimes. Show a real interest in their lives and interests. Listen to them. Be kind to them.

Don't undermine my parenting, but do be another adult they can trust and go to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't spoil them. Give some of that $$ to a worthwhile charity, like wildlife rescue.

Op already said she left a huge "portion" to her nieces. Not all.

[Anonymous]

face time. I had a great relationship with my nieces and nephew when I lived 2 hours away and visited every month or more. Then I moved to a two hour FLIGHT away, and have been much less close since. there is a difference between the relative who knows the kids day-to-day and the one who only knows them on special occasions and it's been painful to see myself move from one to the other. Stay in the first category by being there a lot. Maintain good relationship with their parents and internalize their parenting styles (can be VERY handy from their parents' perspective when you and the ILs are all in town and they start getting crap from ILs about this or that).

[Anonymous]

I love this thread!

I have several aunts myself and particularly special memories of the ones who "got" me and talked to me about serious things instead of just kid stuff or day to day questions. That kind of warmth and respect felt really special. The one present that really stands out was when I showed my favorite aunt that I'd gotten my ears pierced and she immediately took out the earrings she was wearing and gave them to me as a present. Such a sweet spontaneous gesture, and they were all the more special to me because they were hers.

I have a sister and a cousin who is like a sister and they are both loving aunts to my DD but have different styles and very different personalities. My sister is a warm, bubbly, mush who has two kids of her own that my DD calls her siblings. This sister is the one who will gather in a big pile of children and dogs on the floor to patiently read book after book and serve up homemade chocolate chip cookies.

My cousin is eccentric, brilliant, hilarious, and never wanted to get married or have children of her own but loves my dd and is totally into the fun aunt thing. She's the one to bring hair chalk (to my preschooler) to match her own hair colors, takes her out for fancy afternoon tea or an afternoon on Coney Island, and talks to her about all kinds of things. Totally an Auntie Mame kind of situation.

So dd loves each of her aunts to pieces. Each of them share who they really are with her and that's what she loves the best about her time with them. The occasional presents are appreciated, but it's them that she loves.

[Anonymous]

Take them places, bake with them and crafts.

[Anonymous]

I don't really want anything specific. Just would hope for a good relationship.

[Anonymous]

My sister is amazing. She has always been willing to babysit in a pinch. She has gone with me to the strawberry patch, the zoo, the museum, etc. My husband works a lot so its so nice to have an extra person to go with us to these kinds of events. She watches the little one while I take the older one to the movies, or vice versa. She always gets them small presents.. and makes sure they are something she knows they need/want. But she gives the bulk of her gifts to us in the form of money for their college fund. The kids don't know the difference and I love that she is investing in their future. She is my emergency contact for school and our guardian if anything should ever happen to us. She knows exactly how I feel about parenting and while she doesn't have the context yet to form her own opinions, I know that if she were to be in a position where she had to raise my kids she would ensure that some of my thoughts/philosophies/hopes & dreams would be included in her parenting style.

In short.. she is the very next best alternative to me for my children.

I hope I can be just as good of an aunt to her children. (She has a 10 week old so I am only just now getting to do anything...)

My husbands sisters live far away, so there is not much we can do about the relationships. They do not know our children- that is my biggest complaint. They do not know their favorite color, show, games, songs, movies, friends, etc. I am not sure how they could remedy that in a meaningful way. Call more, email more, Skype, visit, etc. But they are busy with their own lives.