Moms: weigh in in what you want in aunts

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a wonderful and thoughtful aunt. Lucky them.

+1

I'd rather have one aunt like you than several who are less truly interested in them!

[Anonymous]

When the time comes - and to the extent possible with thier parents' permission - be another voice of sanity about touchy topics like sex and drugs. Those kinds of topics both parents and kids can be a little insane with one another. It is the aunts job to make sure nobody gets pregnant, arrested, drives drunk or too strung out.

[Anonymous]

I grew up low income and my childless uncle bought stock for me and my brother for college savings. I really, really appreciated that and when my nephew was born, I opened a 529 for him. I ended up having my own kid, but I still contribute to that 529.

This isn't necessary of course. And money sounds cold. But I just don't know how to convey how much it meant to me that my uncle cared enough to think about my distant future.

Other than that, you could share a hobby or interest with them. Theatre is always fun. I love taking my nephew to shows. I'm taking him to the Scottish Games this weekend. Which is part of our heritage. A weekend at the beach here and there. Those types of things.

[Anonymous]

Be there for them and do fun things together. My sister and I used to spend the night at our aunt's house and had a blast. She would let us help cook dinner, do fun crafts, and stay up late watching tv and eating ice cream! We once got all dressed up and went to dinner and a play downtown and then stayed in a fancy hotel, I think we were about 12-14ish then. Our parents did fun things with us too, but it was always a special treat with our aunt. She wasn't burned out on parenting or annoyed with our admittedly annoying habits, and we were always on our best behavior because it was such a special treat.

[Anonymous]

Experiences for sure! It might be hard while they are little, but as they get older think of fun things to do with them.

My DH used to watch his niece on gov't holidays. Her parents had to work and he always had off, so he'd plan a fun day for them. Same thing with long school breaks (spring, summer, winter) he'd take a day off to help cover some child care and they'd do something fun.

Theater, museums, or even just out for pizza and chatting. Babysitting so mom and dad can out etc. As they get older, perhaps they could come spend a weekend night at your house.

If I were you, I'd talk to your sibling about it too. Say you want to foster a closer relationship and ask for ideas. I'd definitely do this for an aunt with strong maternal urges who just can't have kids.

[Anonymous]

And yes, invest money for them! It doesn't feel sexy and awesome when they are little, but I had a grandmother invest wisely for me and it helped me buy my first house. That's much better than an inheritance, especially since you will most likely live until they are middle age. Helping pay for college, or an expensive trip/experience or helping to buy their first car. Things like that can be huge to a niece or nephew.

[Anonymous]

This post made me happy. Your nieces are lucky to have you. I liked going on outings with my nieces. Together (me and both nieces), but also just one-on-one.

Also - when they are older and start doing organized things, go to those events - soccer games, their recitals, whatever they are doing.

Give your sibling a break and take them for an overnight slumber party!

[Anonymous]

I'd just like my sister to visit once in a while. If you're doing that you're already doing better than my sister, whom I adore, but is not present.

[Anonymous]

I have an aunt who never had kids and was like my second mother. It's all about the experiences, making sure of course that the mom is ok with some of the bigger ones. My aunt took me for my first manicure, first trip to disney at 10, first trip overseas at 18, lots of theatre, came with us for prom dress shopping and shoe shopping... so lots of experiences. Doesn't have to be the big ones I mentioned, but make your own traditions - afternoon tea or a favorite cuisine, a sleepover at the end of the school year, if you host any holidays they can come the night before and you can cook together. As they get older let them know they can talk to you about the big stuff, so they have another trusted adult to go to if they can't ask mom.

We moved hours away from my niece, but make it a point when we get together to always bake something and gossip about the boys at her school. We paint our nails together or make funny hair styles. She still knows we have our special "things" we do even though I'm further away.

[Anonymous]

Just want to say this chokes me up- my sister and her partner are amazing with my kids and I hope one day to be able to do the same.

I have 6 aunts, and have a fantastic relationship with 3 of them still, with 2 of them I have a good and warm relationship too but we just never spent as much time together, 1 of them lives really far away and because of birth order we are pretty close in age so we never had that "aunt" relationship, but no animosity there.

It can be an amazing lifetime relationship! They are a wonderful group of support through life's milestones.

[Anonymous]

Maybe not the best story since it's the opposite of everyone else's: DH has a beloved uncle who was very, very involved in his life growing up. Uncle and his wife never had kids. Now that we're older and moved away from DH's hometown we just don't see Uncle as much. We feel very bad about it and he constantly asks when we'll see him. But we're busy and already have 2 sets of parents and 4 sets of grandparents. There's a lot of guilt associated with visiting this person, but we're pulled in all directions. Maybe it's because they never had kids, but they don't understand our lives, can't relate and just act much, much older than our parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, keep in mind that an aunt like you will be priceless when they get a bit older (teens/young adults). As you know, there are plenty of issues that come up that kids are usually less than thrilled to talk about with their parents. Having another adult around who has their best interest at heart but isn't mom or dad is a pretty great resource.

Yes this--as they get older they might tell you of issues that they might not want to tell mom or dad. (re boys, drinking, drugs, school) You are in an excellent position to guide them because you will be their "cool" aunt. I'd work with your sister to make sure that she and you are on the same page--that she doesn't get jealous, and that you are giving the kids advice that is in line with what she wants.

When I think about my favorite aunt, I think about how (G-rated) fun she was, and she was very spontaneous. This is in marked difference to my parents, of course, because they actually had to parent. So you are a safe outlet for them to be spontaneous.

Ok so I'm just thinking about what I remember about my favorite aunt:


She had dyed red hair so she was our crazy redhead aunt

She made herself, me, and my doll matching go-go dresses

After getting all dressed up to be her own daughter's flower girl, complete with curling ironed hair, she gave me a dollar to go jump into the pool. (this was a day BEFORE the wedding, of course, and I'm sure she took care of the sopping wet dress afterwards)

My mom was a bit of a germ-freak, so she threw Cheerios on the floor and had us go pick them up and eat them. She also filled a red wagon with mud and had us go play in it.

She gave me an ax and we chopped down a tree.

I recall rolling oranges from her orange tree down her curved driveway, infuriating our uncle!

She got some chickens and let me name the rooster. Big deal, right? But it really made an impression that I got to name him!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you live in the same location?

Spend time with them. Build a relationship. Be a trusted adult who is not a parent. Be a person that they know they can go to if they need to share confidences when they are older but they are scared to tell their parents.

At that age, take them out a couple of times a month. Go for pancakes or to the zoo or something; build some traditions with them. If you are far away, skype once a week and read picture books.

I agree with this.

One more thing I would add: respect their parents. And when I say this I mean, don't tell your nieces and nephews you will take them on some grand international trip without talking with the parents first. That's an example, but remember their parents need to be included on plans, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a wonderful and thoughtful aunt. Lucky them.

+1

I'd rather have one aunt like you than several who are less truly interested in them!

Agreed, you sound like a wonderful aunt! My sisters both had kids 5 years earlier than me, so I developed very close relationships with their kids before I had my own. I know they really appreciate the relationship we have. I think the most important thing is just to spend time with them and participate in their everyday lives. You don't really have to do anything special or spend a lot of money on them, just go to their house and hang out with them. Go with them and their parents to the park and to the mall. Show up at their soccer games. The more you are around, the more they will think of you as an integral part of their lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't spoil them. Give some of that $$ to a worthwhile charity, like wildlife rescue.

Oh, shut up. Stupid advice.