Why would a college sophomore ask my high school junior out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was 35 (female) I dated a 23 year old (male).

When I was 23 I was dating a 31 year old man and I was the one with a full time job supporting myself in my own place. He was still in his parents' basement (I had met him when we both lived away at college - I grew up, he...didn't).

Not the same thing as dating a HS kid though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not sure why its a big deal. I had a college boyfriend when I was in high school. We were actually 4 years apart. He wasn't a predator and I wasn't prey! We were both smart, articulate and fun people. Despite our different "stages" of life, we had a lot in common. Our relationship didn't last very long but we parted on decent terms and I've kept up with him. Interestingly, I ended up going to the same college as him, the same med school as him and we ended up in similar fields of medicine. So apparently we had more in common than just teen lust. ALthough he was HOT! But I didn't have sex with him for the record.

It's not predatory for a guy to want to sleep with his girlfriend though. It's fine that you two chose not to do that. But do you think it would have been appropriate for a 20 year old full time college student to have a 16 year old HS kid over to his dorm to hang out and have sex?

[Anonymous]

Ask him out is not sex. Maybe just as a friend. Where is she asking himself out to? Coffee maybe ok but movies might be more than just a movie. Or maybe he should hint like my girlfriend and I have something on this week. How about the following week? What will she say?

[Anonymous]

I don't think it is appropriate. It is not the age difference, which in ten years will mean nothing, but the maturity level and life style difference between a college girl and a high school boy.

[Anonymous]

Most likely they met in a social setting, he was not truly forthcoming about his age, they exchanged numbers and she called. That is it.

[Anonymous]

You son is probably gorgeous and a charming guy. That trumps pretty much everything - age and educational "status" included. I know - I am a female sophomore (now rising junior) at Georgetown. If I met a beautiful and charming almost high school senior, I would ask him out too.

[Anonymous]

I agree that this age difference is not so lRge as to make this predatory, and that there is more to this story since your son must have given her his number (maybe he lied and said he was a college student - who knows). I remember several occasions in my teens when I lied about my age to seem older/cooler.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How "nice looking" is your DS? My nephew was Brad Pitt/George Clooney gorgeous in high school (still is) and would get hit on by all ages of girls.

This. My younger brother started getting hit on by 10th/11th graders when he was still in eighth - he's a really good-looking boy. Be flattered, OP!

[Anonymous]

Your biggest worry should be that your son looks far older than he is. This will set him up to be engaged in a lot of behaviors that are out of sinc with his friend group. My husband hires teenagers at his work. There is one physically demanding job that requires a great deal of strength and bulk. Since he wants employees for years he hires the far more mature looking 16 year old. They all go bad. They are so nice so sweet. Then they get a job, money, car, and of course a girlfriend. They have sex long before any other employees the same age and with multiple girls. Stop worrying about the college student and take an objective look at your son. Then realize he's not a baby anymore.

[Anonymous]

Are you sure she knows how old he really is? Perhaps you're not getting the full story.

Perhaps she's not getting the full story!

[Anonymous]

It does happen. I have one grandson who is a woman/girl magnet. When he was in middle school high school girls would come over to chat. Some of the moms have told me in should go into modeling. He is cute, but mainly he has a sly smile and twinkling eyes. So far he is dating in his own age group, I think

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I get your underlying fear. It is true that if the sexes were reversed and a college-age guy was showing interest in your high school DD, DCUM would view it as predatory without a second thought.

As a society we've been late to acknowledge that men and boys face inappropriate advances. They are viewed as "atta boy!" rather than taken more seriously. When my brother was a teen, I saw two women in their 40s deliver open and explicit invitations to him. It was horrible. He handled it well, but my god, why should he have ever been put in that situation and why did these women feel so comfortable "joking" about initiating him?

I think someone like the Rock talked about how all of his early sexual experiences were with women in their thirties. He was full grown at twelve. He wasn't bragging or asking for sympathy. It was stated as fact and the interview continued without any further comment.

I think there was also a very moving Law and Order SVU episode where an attractive young boy suffered sexual attacks from a mother at his school. It was only revealed because it was tangential to a case where someone had placed video cameras in a public toilet.

You didn't ask for advice on how to broach the subject with your DS. So, I'm just offering up sympathy here. It's not awesome. Not cool. Not something to be congratulated about. Certainly nothing to be ignored. It's foul.

Your gut response to this is absolutely correct. Your son did the right thing 1. by declining the offer, and 2. making you aware of the situation. That speaks well of your relationship with him and his personal character.

FWIW, I hear you and completely agree that this is highly inappropriate.

[phone]

The weird responses from the other PPs are creepy. I hope none of you women have any sons because you'd clearly do a shit job of protecting them from predators.

[Anonymous]

I dated a guy in high school when I was in college. He was attractive, charming, and, yes, allowed more freedom than some h.s. Seniors. And he had a fake ID. The whole thing seemed pretty mutual...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I get your underlying fear. It is true that if the sexes were reversed and a college-age guy was showing interest in your high school DD, DCUM would view it as predatory without a second thought.

As a society we've been late to acknowledge that men and boys face inappropriate advances. They are viewed as "atta boy!" rather than taken more seriously. When my brother was a teen, I saw two women in their 40s deliver open and explicit invitations to him. It was horrible. He handled it well, but my god, why should he have ever been put in that situation and why did these women feel so comfortable "joking" about initiating him?

I think someone like the Rock talked about how all of his early sexual experiences were with women in their thirties. He was full grown at twelve. He wasn't bragging or asking for sympathy. It was stated as fact and the interview continued without any further comment.

I think there was also a very moving Law and Order SVU episode where an attractive young boy suffered sexual attacks from a mother at his school. It was only revealed because it was tangential to a case where someone had placed video cameras in a public toilet.

You didn't ask for advice on how to broach the subject with your DS. So, I'm just offering up sympathy here. It's not awesome. Not cool. Not something to be congratulated about. Certainly nothing to be ignored. It's foul.

Your gut response to this is absolutely correct. Your son did the right thing 1. by declining the offer, and 2. making you aware of the situation. That speaks well of your relationship with him and his personal character.

FWIW, I hear you and completely agree that this is highly inappropriate.

Totally and completely agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know that there is no way that I would have dated a HS kid when I was in college. I don't care how great looking he was.

But if this college girl is particularly immature/not quite ready for the independence of college Or your son is particularly mature + has a great deal of freedom for his age...then, yes.

Exactly. What kind of college girl WANTs to go out with a high school boy? The answer is exactly as PP suggests: either the girl is immature or the boy has a lot of freedom.