Another MIL Wants to Move Closer Thread...Desperate for Help

[Anonymous]

OP, my MIL moved to town and while she is not a nightmare at all, I drew boundaries from the get go that have been successful. For example, I will not host her at home if my husband is not also home. So, for example, DH is not allowed to invite her over for dinner if he isn't home from work in time to cook and eat the dinner with us. Anytime DH complains that we "haven't had my mom over," I just say, "just pick a date that you're able to come home early enough to cook the dinner and that's fine with me." Lo and behold, she has not been over since.

So I would say flat out that they are not allowed to come over while you are working at home, it is too disruptive.

If they live near you, you should try to make things happen at THEIR home. I.e. she can cook her huge meals at their apartment and you guys come over to eat.

Do you have an older child that she can help with school drop off/pick up? Try to figure out things they are good at where they can help.

Maybe send over one child to A-Ma's (i'm guessing she's Asian) home for 1-2 hours in the middle of the day to give the nanny a break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, my MIL moved to town and while she is not a nightmare at all, I drew boundaries from the get go that have been successful. For example, I will not host her at home if my husband is not also home. So, for example, DH is not allowed to invite her over for dinner if he isn't home from work in time to cook and eat the dinner with us. Anytime DH complains that we "haven't had my mom over," I just say, "just pick a date that you're able to come home early enough to cook the dinner and that's fine with me." Lo and behold, she has not been over since.

So I would say flat out that they are not allowed to come over while you are working at home, it is too disruptive.

If they live near you, you should try to make things happen at THEIR home. I.e. she can cook her huge meals at their apartment and you guys come over to eat.

Do you have an older child that she can help with school drop off/pick up? Try to figure out things they are good at where they can help.

Maybe send over one child to A-Ma's (i'm guessing she's Asian) home for 1-2 hours in the middle of the day to give the nanny a break.

This.

[Anonymous]

OP here. DH and I had a good conversation last night, and I sincerely appreciate the advice on this thread. The comments about communicating with my MIL directly truly resonated with me. MIL is very passive aggressive and always makes comments. I typically just ignore them to keep the peace but realize it's the reason why I'm so stressed out/miserable during their visits. I never act this way with anyone else. Going forward, I will open up and be honest with MIL (including handling this summer rental situation myself). If a long-term rental is ever to work, we need to establish open communication first. Thanks all.