Support mom in the face of atrocious behavior or not

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would talk to my sister about your father!!! It is not healthy or safe for a child to be around a drunk. What does your mother and niece when you aren't around?

Good point. A child should not be around a drunk.

[Anonymous]

The thing is, the kid will recognize this behavior. I watched something just like this with my grampa and gramma. I was the total darling of my family as a kid...until I started talking back and standing up for gramma because no one else would. The behavior didn't stop until my grampa died. Someone ought to stand up to him now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Mom works outside the home. Dad eats small portions of everything and I think does not eat much during the day. I am fully aware the behavior is sickening. I don't think neice is in any physical harm. He is fully functional all day long. After the drink, he does the weird dinner ritual and then goes upstairs to bed. I think if I refused to be a party to it I would get a lecture about not being a dutiful daughter (parents are immigrants from Asia) and a guilt trip about how dad is old and I should look after him better. The whole situation makes my blood boil.

Physical harm is just a part of the point, OP.

The fact that she's abitually around a drunk also exposes her to potential emotional abuse and it normalizes drinking.

Imagine your niece ten-15 years down the road, drunk as a lord. Or imagine her with a man who's in the habit of getting drunk daily. How does that feel? Not good, I imagine.

[Anonymous]

I would support your Mom, but your niece should not be left in their house. It is modeling a very bad dynamic at best. At worst, what happens if someone does not agree to feed him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not do it for love or money. You both are setting a horrific example for your niece. Fuck story time.

This.

Wtf.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would talk to my sister about your father!!! It is not healthy or safe for a child to be around a drunk. What does your mother and niece when you aren't around?

Yes, I find this really disconcerting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bigger issue is having the child around him. Doesn't seem safe. Dad needs rehab. Mom doesn't have to live like that.

+100 Abusive and not safe for niece, another burden for your mom to bear -- not a safe place for a child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:tell him he can put a piece of fucking bread in the toaster and butter his god damn toast. holy fuck.

+1 Have to say I read about a lot of crazy jerks on this site, but for some reason this one really gets to me. I found myself fantasizing about being in the room with this horrible man and how much I would like to tell him off.
OP, I hope all of the responses you are getting are helping you see this from an outsiders perspective and realize how deeply wrong this whole set up with your father is.

yeah....except alcoholic and all. Then maybe he gets up and starts screaming or throwing or hitting, and his wife will try to quickly make things better. It's not like anything will actually be resolved. This isn't a normally-functioning human.

I agree with others who say to patch it for a night or two, but a longer-term plan needs to be made.