How did you know you were in the right place (career-wise) to have kids?

[Anonymous]

I was in a mediocre job I couldn't stand, but it paid the bills. DH was fired from his job while we were TTC. Turns out I was a fertile Myrtle and conceived quickly. DH used the firing as a career change opportunity, but had to go through an unpaid training program for a few months. So we eked by on my salary that is really only fit for one person in this area, till DH was employed 3 months before the baby was born. To top it off, I had some health complications come up that were unrelated to my pregnancy that in still dealing with 5 months post partum.

All of this timing was terrible, but I'm glad we didn't wait. We were both ready to start having kids and didn't let jobs or lack thereof get in the way. Now that we have a kid, we won't be making any more risky moves if one of us is unemployed again.

[Anonymous]

In general, I think you try to have kids as early as possible, assuming you're in a stable relationship and emotionally mature yourself. Being at a stable point in your career, having supportive coworkers and boss all help, of course, but I wouldn't wait to have those things before TTC.

The thing is, you have no idea whether you'll have an easy time conceiving or not. If you do have difficulty, assistive technologies are far more effective earlier rather than later. That is, you want to find out you have trouble at 31, not 39. And I say this at someone who is fortunate to have conceived easily at 34 and 36 and had two healthy pregnancies. We TTC as early as was feasible; in our case, we were newly engaged, planning to be married in a few months. I didn't enjoy being sick as a dog on our wedding day, but I also am glad I didn't wait any longer. You just never know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In general, I think you try to have kids as early as possible, assuming you're in a stable relationship and emotionally mature yourself. Being at a stable point in your career, having supportive coworkers and boss all help, of course, but I wouldn't wait to have those things before TTC.

The thing is, you have no idea whether you'll have an easy time conceiving or not. If you do have difficulty, assistive technologies are far more effective earlier rather than later. That is, you want to find out you have trouble at 31, not 39. And I say this at someone who is fortunate to have conceived easily at 34 and 36 and had two healthy pregnancies. We TTC as early as was feasible; in our case, we were newly engaged, planning to be married in a few months. I didn't enjoy being sick as a dog on our wedding day, but I also am glad I didn't wait any longer. You just never know.

I completely disagree. If you can't plan responsibly then you have no business being parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In general, I think you try to have kids as early as possible, assuming you're in a stable relationship and emotionally mature yourself. Being at a stable point in your career, having supportive coworkers and boss all help, of course, but I wouldn't wait to have those things before TTC.

The thing is, you have no idea whether you'll have an easy time conceiving or not. If you do have difficulty, assistive technologies are far more effective earlier rather than later. That is, you want to find out you have trouble at 31, not 39. And I say this at someone who is fortunate to have conceived easily at 34 and 36 and had two healthy pregnancies. We TTC as early as was feasible; in our case, we were newly engaged, planning to be married in a few months. I didn't enjoy being sick as a dog on our wedding day, but I also am glad I didn't wait any longer. You just never know.

I completely disagree. If you can't plan responsibly then you have no business being parents.

It depends what you mean by "planning responsibly". I know some people think you should be married, have two established careers, have retirement savings on track, have SAH/child care completely secured in their budget, a big enough home in a great school district and emergency savings set aside. Is that what you mean?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We can all agree that there is no right time to have kids but how did you know it was the best time career-wise?

Until you are ready to put your children ahead of your career, there is no right time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In general, I think you try to have kids as early as possible, assuming you're in a stable relationship and emotionally mature yourself. Being at a stable point in your career, having supportive coworkers and boss all help, of course, but I wouldn't wait to have those things before TTC.

The thing is, you have no idea whether you'll have an easy time conceiving or not. If you do have difficulty, assistive technologies are far more effective earlier rather than later. That is, you want to find out you have trouble at 31, not 39. And I say this at someone who is fortunate to have conceived easily at 34 and 36 and had two healthy pregnancies. We TTC as early as was feasible; in our case, we were newly engaged, planning to be married in a few months. I didn't enjoy being sick as a dog on our wedding day, but I also am glad I didn't wait any longer. You just never know.

I completely disagree. If you can't plan responsibly then you have no business being parents.

You completely missed my point. You can "plan responsibly" all you want, but you cannot completely control your fertility. Where you did you see me say that irresponsible people should become parents? I said that you should start TTC as early as possible *assuming* you're in a stable relationship and emotionally mature.

I also wonder, by "plan responsibly" do you mean have significant wealth? Because when I read that phrase, that's what I think it's code for.

[Anonymous]

We got married right before I started at a big law firm. Due to a family history of fertility issues, we weren't comfortable waiting until after I'd hopefully made partner to start having kids because I would have been in my late 30s at that point. We waited until I was a mid-level associate -- enough years under my belt to have already built relationships, credibility, good will, etc., but not so close to being considered for partnership that an interrupted year might derail me.

In the ended I decided to leave big law after having kids, but I'm still happy with the timing of our decision.