How did you know you were in the right place (career-wise) to have kids?

[Anonymous]

Yikes, so I am hoping to switch fed agencies (I'm an attorney) and start trying for our second child 6 months into the job. Is that a really bad idea? I'm almost 33, so the clock is ticking...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yikes, so I am hoping to switch fed agencies (I'm an attorney) and start trying for our second child 6 months into the job. Is that a really bad idea? I'm almost 33, so the clock is ticking...

I wouldn't wait. I started trying in my mid-twenties, and it's surprising to find out i needed help and a RE.

[Anonymous]

I never would let my work interfere with family planning.

[Anonymous]

We were married at 25 (both), and had our first child at 27 (at which time DH and I had been working almost three years). We had our second child at age 30, a third followed at 33, and our last arrived when we were 35.

DH's career advanced to the next level and then some, and he has been very successful professionally. I became part time by age 32, and left the position by age 33 to stay at home with the children.

We are now 45, and our oldest heads off to college this fall.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yikes, so I am hoping to switch fed agencies (I'm an attorney) and start trying for our second child 6 months into the job. Is that a really bad idea? I'm almost 33, so the clock is ticking...

Nah, you'll be fine. You should be covered for FMLA which is the big issue.

[Anonymous]

I was SVP, and was there for 2 years when I was pregnant with my first. I was "laid off" about 7 months (after I successfully completed a large project) later. Turns out that only men could be parents at that place. Now I'm having my second at a big agency, after 2 years here. My boss is a parent, as are the 3 other Execs, so I'm hoping for the best.

[Anonymous]

I had been at a family-friendly Fed job 4 or 5 years; had mastered the job and leveled out on the career ladder. The next step, professionally, would have been to find a new job.

I didn't have "baby fever" at all, but from a career perspective I was in the best possible situation and my boss was a very pro-family woman with 3 kids. I knew I might not find that again if I changed jobs, plus I wouldn't be able to rest on my reputation at a new job. DH and I talked about it: neither of us felt ready, but we also didn't think we'd be more ready in a year so we went for it. It was terrifying at the time but it was the right decision.

As it happened, I got an unexpected opportunity to advance at my agency, so that worked out well. If that hadn't happened, though, I would have been just as happy in my boring old job.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

I was at a fed agency but had a long commute 1.5 hours each way. Once I was able to move to a office closer to home, I felt ready. With that being said, it was a new position and I wanted to finish the mandatory training requirements and get settled in a bit first. It also helped that I had saved a bunch of SL and AL to use on maternity leave but honestly I would've had a kid and just taken LWOP if I had to.

[Anonymous]

DH and I both had stable jobs for the foreseeable future with very reasonable hours.

[Anonymous]

We didn't think we were in the "right" place but we also were realistic in thinking that our finances and careers weren't getting any better and we sure weren't getting any younger. Medicaid and the food bank weren't in our dreams when we got married but parenthood is a blast.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yikes, so I am hoping to switch fed agencies (I'm an attorney) and start trying for our second child 6 months into the job. Is that a really bad idea? I'm almost 33, so the clock is ticking...

I married in my 30s, switched careers for less travel, wanted to prove myself at new job, and started TTC at 37. My big goal was to be under 40. It worked out very well. I gave birth when I just turned 39. I wouldn't get overly stressed out about the timing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We were married at 25 (both), and had our first child at 27 (at which time DH and I had been working almost three years). We had our second child at age 30, a third followed at 33, and our last arrived when we were 35.

DH's career advanced to the next level and then some, and he has been very successful professionally. I became part time by age 32, and left the position by age 33 to stay at home with the children.

We are now 45, and our oldest heads off to college this fall.

This is our very same trajectory too, PP - down to the ages and # of kids!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We were married at 25 (both), and had our first child at 27 (at which time DH and I had been working almost three years). We had our second child at age 30, a third followed at 33, and our last arrived when we were 35.

DH's career advanced to the next level and then some, and he has been very successful professionally. I became part time by age 32, and left the position by age 33 to stay at home with the children.

We are now 45, and our oldest heads off to college this fall.

This is our very same trajectory too, PP - down to the ages and # of kids!

Wow, what a coincidence, thanks for sharing that. We have started to feel decidedly middle-aged now that our oldest is almost finished with senior year of high school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We were married at 25 (both), and had our first child at 27 (at which time DH and I had been working almost three years). We had our second child at age 30, a third followed at 33, and our last arrived when we were 35.

DH's career advanced to the next level and then some, and he has been very successful professionally. I became part time by age 32, and left the position by age 33 to stay at home with the children.

We are now 45, and our oldest heads off to college this fall.

This is our very same trajectory too, PP - down to the ages and # of kids!

Wow, what a coincidence, thanks for sharing that. We have started to feel decidedly middle-aged now that our oldest is almost finished with senior year of high school.

I'm 43 with a 21 and 18yr old. I wish I would've waited until 30/31 to have kids but now I'm ok with our decision. My parents are both deceased and my kids got to know them.
I think kids should come before careers as far as importance because jobs/careers come and go.

[Anonymous]

It really depends on what you want your life to be like, OP. Any time works, as long as you can make it work.

If you're settled in your career enough that you enjoy it and find that you don't have to work super super hard (i.e. trying to figure out a totally new job, etc.), then it might be a good time. Working in your current job for at least a year when the baby will be born is ideal so you can use FMLA.

Knowing that your boss will support you for maternity leave is also huge. Although legally they have to give you the time off, bosses can be better or worse about it. Some will dismiss you and not give you good assignments once they know you're pregnant. Others will be very supportive and work with you to give you extra time off if you feel you need it or rearrange your schedule so you can get your kid at daycare before 6.

I personally think that knowing you are in a position where your career is a little on "autopilot" is useful when having kids because for a while, you'll want to focus on them more than on work. You'll be tired from having an infant and losing sleep, and you'll simply need to zone out a little more. You won't be as much of a go-getter for a short while, and that's okay.