Which event is more important?

[Anonymous]

OP, I fully understand your wish to be there at every single stage of IVF. But this seems a bit over the top to me. You don't "need" to be there to watch an injection. You want to be there. You can video the experience and watch it as many times as you want. You will have an incredible connection with your baby in any event.

I think you are being penny-wise and pound foolish emotionally if you ignore your family connections for this one event. Your child's great-grandfather, and his place in the entire family, mean a great deal ultimately. His conception and his life are part of your family history. If you miss this event, you rupture that history.

[Anonymous]

Definitely go to the party. And hey, if your next child is conceived on that day, you'll have a sweet story to tell him/her one day...how you were at his/her great-grandfather's celebratory birthday party during conception (not that any of us talk to our kids about that moment).

[Anonymous]

Troll

[Anonymous]

Yeah I cannot believe you sold your house etc... for a THIRD child. That is seriously ridiculous. I get doing everything and anything to have a child but that is for people who have 0 not two. You are selfish. Go to the party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My grandfather turns 90 this week. The entire family is throwing him a catered lunch out. WW2 friends are coming in to see him. My mom (his eldest daughter) is the main organizer and she has anxiety issues. This party has been keeping her up for weeks (what to wear, what centerpieces to buy, will your sister embarrass me...). This is a very big thing for her.

My husband, kids and I had every intention of going. We want to be there. I want to meet the extended, extended family. I think it's important for my kids to respect and appreciate that they have a great grandfather. But we have a conflict.

My husband and I are unable to have children safely (well, I'm unable to), and we wanted a third child. So we sold our house, saved our $, hired a lawyer, went to a fertility clinic, found a surrogate, did IVF to get eggs and sperm and are ready to make a baby with our surrogate. She's been cycling on medication for 5 weeks. Guess when the doctor wants to transfer the embryos? Yep. On the day of the 90th party. And there's no way we can make it to both events.

DH and I feel that we need to be at the medical procedure. We don't get to have sex. I don't get to be pregnant. We don't have any connection to the baby making process except for paying the incredibly large bills and email with the clinic. We need to be there for the procedure. We just need to.

I tried explaining this to my mom, and she completely flipped out on me. I was thinking I could take my grandfather out for dinner with just our little family the next day. She is devastated we won't be there though. Says my grandfather will never forgive me. That I've hurt her deeply.
Anyway, I'm just venting here. It's a hard situation to be in, and I'm hurting. And I'm angry with her for not acknowledging that my thing is important too. She said, "they're just cells and it might not even work anyway!"
Sigh. Am I crazy out of line here??

Why are you even allowed in the room?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PPs missing the point. The OP needs to be there because the surrogate is having the procedure, and OP isnt. She wants to feel connected to the baby in some way.

How ridiculous and childish. The GF is 90 years old! She alre s dy has two kids. How selfish can OP get.

[Anonymous]

OP, there will be other opportunities to connect with your baby, such as ultrasounds, so I would try not to treat the transfer as the be-all and end-all. Ultimately, though, you need to make the decision that will let you sleep at night. If being at the transfer is truly that important, that you can hold your head up to your family and explain why you missed the party, the go to the transfer. You do have to accept, though, that you can't control other people's feelings, and other people who don't understand how important this is to you personally will be disappointed in you.

[Anonymous]

Go to the party, you are selfish.

[Anonymous]

If you are really looking for feedback OP there is absolutely no question that the party is more important. And I am a mother but I would leave a newborn for a few hours to make it to my grandfather's 90th. There will not be many more opportunities to celebrate his life.

[Anonymous]

Would your other kids miss the party too then? That seems very unfair to them to miss out on a once in a lifetime chance to bond with their great grandfather and see his WW2 friends and be part of the living history of your family. I would go to the party no question, but then again I was always close wih my grandparents and miss them now that they're gone but so glad I got to spend a lot of time wih them.

[Anonymous]

What do you mean you don't get to have sex?? Is one of you disabled in some way?

Also - go to the party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Am I crazy out of line here??

OP, I think you asked this question because you know in your heart of hearts that the answer might be "yes." Most of the PP opinions are that you should go to the party, and skip the procedure. If the procedure is that important to you, go and miss your grandfather's party. Will you feel good about your decision when you lay your head on your pillow at night? If so, then just do that and stop noodling the question. But don't expect everyone else (your mom and your grandfather, etc.) to share or even understand your priorities. You need to be prepared for some flack, and if you are really secure and comfortable with what you've done, you should be able to take it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I fully understand your wish to be there at every single stage of IVF. But this seems a bit over the top to me. You don't "need" to be there to watch an injection. You want to be there. You can video the experience and watch it as many times as you want. You will have an incredible connection with your baby in any event.

I think you are being penny-wise and pound foolish emotionally if you ignore your family connections for this one event. Your child's great-grandfather, and his place in the entire family, mean a great deal ultimately. His conception and his life are part of your family history. If you miss this event, you rupture that history.

Totally agree with this statement. And I'm a veteran of IVF (8 rounds. 1 child.) so it's not like I just don't get how emotionally charged this is.

You need to do this for your family, not for yourself.

[Anonymous]

Fake.

[Anonymous]

I'm incredulous that people are saying "go to the party" given what you have been through. I am guessing they have no experience with IVF or infertility.

To me, it's a huge bummer you have to miss the party. THat said, maybe the cycle will change at the last minute. is it far enough way that you can't do both (guessing the procedure itself is very brief)?