Does your spouse say mean things to you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, my DH tells me I'm selfish, only a part-time (or absentee) mom because I work outside the home, unsupportive, "psycho" when I went through post-partum depression, and "think I'm still in my 20's" when I try to get a date night to repair our broken marriage. Bitch, c&nt, and "f@ck you" roll off my back compared to the others. I'm no perfect wife by any means, but I really hate the name-calling and cheap shots. Like others have said, he seems to think it's ok because it's during a "fight." He also justifies by saying it's in response to me insulting him, but to him, asking him to pick up his socks is an insult since it implies he does nothing around the house. I used to cry over our fights, now I don't. I just don't care what he thinks any more. We almost divorced many times. He has threatened to fight me for custody "tooth and nail" and make sure everyone knows what a bad mom I am and that I saw a therapist for depression. I know I'm a good parent and I did the right thing, but his reputation makes him believable. He is a good dad, just not a good partner for me. He has recently started anti-depressants for a semi-related condition and it has helped. I'm just not sure though if this is a long-term solution or whether I can get back to how I felt before all this. FWIW- you would be shocked to hear this if you were one of our friends. No one would ever guess and I have no one to tell. I've grown to love his family like my own and can't imagine losing them in a divorce, but I know they would be hurt if I divorced him. Whew. Didn't know it would go on so long...

Tape record him.

[Anonymous]

If these DHs can hold it in until they are alone with you before saying mean things to you, they don't have a disease.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, my DH tells me I'm selfish, only a part-time (or absentee) mom because I work outside the home, unsupportive, "psycho" when I went through post-partum depression, and "think I'm still in my 20's" when I try to get a date night to repair our broken marriage. Bitch, c&nt, and "f@ck you" roll off my back compared to the others. I'm no perfect wife by any means, but I really hate the name-calling and cheap shots. Like others have said, he seems to think it's ok because it's during a "fight." He also justifies by saying it's in response to me insulting him, but to him, asking him to pick up his socks is an insult since it implies he does nothing around the house. I used to cry over our fights, now I don't. I just don't care what he thinks any more. We almost divorced many times. He has threatened to fight me for custody "tooth and nail" and make sure everyone knows what a bad mom I am and that I saw a therapist for depression. I know I'm a good parent and I did the right thing, but his reputation makes him believable. He is a good dad, just not a good partner for me. He has recently started anti-depressants for a semi-related condition and it has helped. I'm just not sure though if this is a long-term solution or whether I can get back to how I felt before all this. FWIW- you would be shocked to hear this if you were one of our friends. No one would ever guess and I have no one to tell. I've grown to love his family like my own and can't imagine losing them in a divorce, but I know they would be hurt if I divorced him. Whew. Didn't know it would go on so long...

Tape record him.

I actually tried to, even though it felt slimy, but he caught me and simply walked out of the room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, my DH tells me I'm selfish, only a part-time (or absentee) mom because I work outside the home, unsupportive, "psycho" when I went through post-partum depression, and "think I'm still in my 20's" when I try to get a date night to repair our broken marriage. Bitch, c&nt, and "f@ck you" roll off my back compared to the others. I'm no perfect wife by any means, but I really hate the name-calling and cheap shots. Like others have said, he seems to think it's ok because it's during a "fight." He also justifies by saying it's in response to me insulting him, but to him, asking him to pick up his socks is an insult since it implies he does nothing around the house. I used to cry over our fights, now I don't. I just don't care what he thinks any more. We almost divorced many times. He has threatened to fight me for custody "tooth and nail" and make sure everyone knows what a bad mom I am and that I saw a therapist for depression. I know I'm a good parent and I did the right thing, but his reputation makes him believable. He is a good dad, just not a good partner for me. He has recently started anti-depressants for a semi-related condition and it has helped. I'm just not sure though if this is a long-term solution or whether I can get back to how I felt before all this. FWIW- you would be shocked to hear this if you were one of our friends. No one would ever guess and I have no one to tell. I've grown to love his family like my own and can't imagine losing them in a divorce, but I know they would be hurt if I divorced him. Whew. Didn't know it would go on so long...

Tape record him.

I actually tried to, even though it felt slimy, but he caught me and simply walked out of the room.

Try again and be stealthier about it. You might try putting your phone on record and setting it down on a table or something... something not noticeable.

[Anonymous]

We both say mean things to each other occasionally.
The important thing is how we move on from them, and we move on pretty well, most of the time. When they really hurt us, we demand an apology, when we're in a better mindset we recognize that the words were said in a moment of anger and frustration and that these feelings will pass.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes he'll unintentionally hurt my feelings, but my guard is so down with him that he'll see it on my face and immediately apologize.

I think the meanest thing he ever said was when I was having the one Bridezilla moment I had (the place we'd just put a deposit down at to have our reception gave away our date to someone else and I was freaking out) and he was like "Settle down there, Johnny Drama!"

So no.