What do you consider successful outcomes in life?

[Anonymous]

We aren't at private for the appearance or for meeting successful goals. But, we also didn't pick a well-known private school. We chose private because public just couldn't meet our child's needs at this time, but are hoping to return to public in the future. So...success to me is that my children are happy. I don't really care which career path they pick or which colleges they attend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you're part of the Catholic Mafia, happiness is:

1. Putting a Catholic HS bumper sticker on your car;

2. Sending your son/daughter to any college (doesn't really matter as long as you have that Catholic HS bumper sticker);

3. Making sure you find a job for him/her in DC; and

4. Securing a junior country club membership for him/her at Congressional or Columbia.

this would have been taken down if it had been said about Jews or Muslims.

[Anonymous]

1. Health, mental and physical
2. Successful relationship and grandchildren (if possible)
3. A hearty social life of their making with friends made throughout their lives
4. A career whereby they are respected and feel good about it
5. Money and stability
6. An enduring relationship with their parents
7. An overarching feeling of calm

[Anonymous]

So if all these goals are about happiness of the child, did you really not think that would be possible equally through public (assuming your child does not have special needs and you live in an area with otherwise great public schools)? I think kids can be happy in many settings, so why the need for private?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you're part of the Catholic Mafia, happiness is:
1. Putting a Catholic HS bumper sticker on your car;
2. Sending your son/daughter to any college (doesn't really matter as long as you have that Catholic HS bumper sticker);
3. Making sure you find a job for him/her in DC; and
4. Securing a junior country club membership for him/her at Congressional or Columbia.

this would have been taken down if it had been said about Jews or Muslims.

Really? There is a rich history of humor based on stereotypes of how families operate across many cultures. Think about the many humorous stories about Jewish mothers pushing daughters to marry Jewish doctors, have lots of babies, and attend particular synagogues. I can easily recall similar humor stories about Presbyterian families, Mormon families, southern families, African American families, and Asian families. I suspect every culture has similar humor. Most are not particularly mean-spirited, although I suppose they're all slightly offensive to the extent they suggest a stereotype of everyone in the culture. So I empathize with your annoyance, but I think you're overreacting if you say Catholics have some particular cross to bear in this respect that the rest of us don't. (Pun intended!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So if all these goals are about happiness of the child, did you really not think that would be possible equally through public (assuming your child does not have special needs and you live in an area with otherwise great public schools)? I think kids can be happy in many settings, so why the need for private?

For me, it's all about the opportunity. Happiness and achievement of goals flows from opportunity. I see more opportunities at my kids' private school than at the public school alternative.

Yes, lots of happiness goals are equally available regardless of school (e.g., be physically healthy, find a life partner, have children, etc). But other specific opportunities are more available in some schools than in others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So if all these goals are about happiness of the child, did you really not think that would be possible equally through public (assuming your child does not have special needs and you live in an area with otherwise great public schools)? I think kids can be happy in many settings, so why the need for private?

For me, it's all about the opportunity. Happiness and achievement of goals flows from opportunity. I see more opportunities at my kids' private school than at the public school alternative.

Yes, lots of happiness goals are equally available regardless of school (e.g., be physically healthy, find a life partner, have children, etc). But other specific opportunities are more available in some schools than in others.

Like what though? What opportunity is available to a private school kid that isn't available at a top public school? And again, this wouldn't be referring to Harvard connections since according to everyone here, that isn't the goal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So if all these goals are about happiness of the child, did you really not think that would be possible equally through public (assuming your child does not have special needs and you live in an area with otherwise great public schools)? I think kids can be happy in many settings, so why the need for private?

For me, it's all about the opportunity. Happiness and achievement of goals flows from opportunity. I see more opportunities at my kids' private school than at the public school alternative.

Yes, lots of happiness goals are equally available regardless of school (e.g., be physically healthy, find a life partner, have children, etc). But other specific opportunities are more available in some schools than in others.

Like what though? What opportunity is available to a private school kid that isn't available at a top public school? And again, this wouldn't be referring to Harvard connections since according to everyone here, that isn't the goal.

What those specific long-range opportunities are depends on what my kids want. My kids are young enough that I don't know for sure what those will be, although they're old enough for me to make some educated guesses. I'm confident my kids' school will give them a great education no matter what they study, and that their teachers will be top quality. I'm confident my kids will face fewer distractions from disruptive students, NCLB bullshit, etc. If my kids decide to focus on any aspect of the arts, I know there will be lots of options for them. For most sports, they also will have lots of exposure (although admittedly some specific sports might be better supported elsewhere). If my kids want to attend a highly-competitive college, I'm confident their school gives them the best realistic shot of making that happen. If they need to use connections to pursue some opportunity, there is certainly a strong network of families who will help.

I'm certainly not saying those opportunities are closed to public school students. Indeed, I'm a public school student who managed to accomplish lots without many advantages my own kids will have. I just think the range of opportunities is wider at their private school, and the path to reach their goals will be smoother, than if they were to attend their local public school. I suppose if one of my children decides her life's ambition is to enter some field where her private school is no longer helping her, then I'd be happy to switch her school and save the money. But until that point, I consider it a worthwhile expense (albeit a painful one for us).

HTH your own decision process for your children. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So if all these goals are about happiness of the child, did you really not think that would be possible equally through public (assuming your child does not have special needs and you live in an area with otherwise great public schools)? I think kids can be happy in many settings, so why the need for private?

For me, it's all about the opportunity. Happiness and achievement of goals flows from opportunity. I see more opportunities at my kids' private school than at the public school alternative.

Yes, lots of happiness goals are equally available regardless of school (e.g., be physically healthy, find a life partner, have children, etc). But other specific opportunities are more available in some schools than in others.

Like what though? What opportunity is available to a private school kid that isn't available at a top public school? And again, this wouldn't be referring to Harvard connections since according to everyone here, that isn't the goal.

What those specific long-range opportunities are depends on what my kids want. My kids are young enough that I don't know for sure what those will be, although they're old enough for me to make some educated guesses. I'm confident my kids' school will give them a great education no matter what they study, and that their teachers will be top quality. I'm confident my kids will face fewer distractions from disruptive students, NCLB bullshit, etc. If my kids decide to focus on any aspect of the arts, I know there will be lots of options for them. For most sports, they also will have lots of exposure (although admittedly some specific sports might be better supported elsewhere). If my kids want to attend a highly-competitive college, I'm confident their school gives them the best realistic shot of making that happen. If they need to use connections to pursue some opportunity, there is certainly a strong network of families who will help.

I'm certainly not saying those opportunities are closed to public school students. Indeed, I'm a public school student who managed to accomplish lots without many advantages my own kids will have. I just think the range of opportunities is wider at their private school, and the path to reach their goals will be smoother, than if they were to attend their local public school. I suppose if one of my children decides her life's ambition is to enter some field where her private school is no longer helping her, then I'd be happy to switch her school and save the money. But until that point, I consider it a worthwhile expense (albeit a painful one for us).

HTH your own decision process for your children. Good luck.

So it's just about a smoother ride and feeling better about the school setting, but not really differences in opportunities, because any interest can also always be pursued outside school and no one private covers everything. Plus most things are available at top publics too. Of course, real growth and values also come from experiencing some wants and adversity. I want the very best for my kids as do all other parents here. I just wonder if we really understand what that is in terms of the bigger picture. We are such an achievement oriented society and that seems to be the main goal and outcome measure of most privates. It's hard to know what to do.

[Anonymous]

I agree it's hard to know what to do. I've chosen the path I think is best for my children, and I'm sure you'll choose what's best for yours. I don't try to denigrate your path, so please don't denigrate mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This board seems so competitive, that it makes me wonder what you consider successful beyond college? So, say your star private schooler gets into a top university (Harvard, Stanford, etc...) but then decides to be a teacher, does that count and make your tuition payments worth it? Or do they forever need to be at a certain income level or career to qualify as successful and justify that extra 360k in private school tuition? Just curious. Obviously for some money is no issue (my dd is in school with many like that), but for those where that money would make a difference, what are your honest expectations for the ultimate outcome, and do you think you will be upset if after all the investment your child decides to just bum around as an adult or have a low paying career/job? 360k invested over time is also clearly worth more in future dollars. Or is the experience alone along the way enough to justify the cost?

Doing great things does not equal making lots of money. I'd be pretty disappointed if my DC took the path of least resistance and went to JPMorgan or McKinsey after college. I'd be super proud if DC became an artist, academic, or activist. But, my dreams aren't DC's and any path that gives DC fulfillment and purpose will be awesome.

I spend $35k/year because it makes me feel good now to know that DC is excited by school and learning. None of it is spent as an investment in DC's future earnings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So it's just about a smoother ride and feeling better about the school setting, but not really differences in opportunities, because any interest can also always be pursued outside school and no one private covers everything. Plus most things are available at top publics too. Of course, real growth and values also come from experiencing some wants and adversity. I want the very best for my kids as do all other parents here. I just wonder if we really understand what that is in terms of the bigger picture. We are such an achievement oriented society and that seems to be the main goal and outcome measure of most privates. It's hard to know what to do.

For me the answer is yes. I am hopeful that my children have better memories of school and friends than I do. I hope that feeling confident because they know all the teachers and feeling confident in some of their friendships will translate into being willing to lead things and speak up when those things aren't naturally part of their personality. For me, as a parent, being in a smaller setting has helped at least superficially get to know some of the other parents so I don't feel uncomfortable planning carpools, drop off play dates, and sleepovers.

If my child didn't have a mild special needs and/or we were all successfully navigating the social and the academic I would have stayed with public school. Because my child was struggling with both social and academic I was looking for a smoother path. With all that could go wrong given my dd diagnosis and realizing that at some point my dd will have to make decisions on her own and own the consequences, I just wanted to start her off with a firm foundation.

[Anonymous]

Grows up smart enough to vote the same way as me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So it's just about a smoother ride and feeling better about the school setting, but not really differences in opportunities, because any interest can also always be pursued outside school and no one private covers everything. Plus most things are available at top publics too. Of course, real growth and values also come from experiencing some wants and adversity. I want the very best for my kids as do all other parents here. I just wonder if we really understand what that is in terms of the bigger picture. We are such an achievement oriented society and that seems to be the main goal and outcome measure of most privates. It's hard to know what to do.

For me the answer is yes. I am hopeful that my children have better memories of school and friends than I do. I hope that feeling confident because they know all the teachers and feeling confident in some of their friendships will translate into being willing to lead things and speak up when those things aren't naturally part of their personality. For me, as a parent, being in a smaller setting has helped at least superficially get to know some of the other parents so I don't feel uncomfortable planning carpools, drop off play dates, and sleepovers.

If my child didn't have a mild special needs and/or we were all successfully navigating the social and the academic I would have stayed with public school. Because my child was struggling with both social and academic I was looking for a smoother path. With all that could go wrong given my dd diagnosis and realizing that at some point my dd will have to make decisions on her own and own the consequences, I just wanted to start her off with a firm foundation.

OP here--this is my situation too. We are still at the pre-k level, but with our mild SN, the writing is on the wall for at least the next few years I think. I think I just wish we were able to not worry and just do public (we purposely moved to a top district), since even though we could swing the tuition, life would be much more comfortable and retirement saving more aggressive if that wasn't a factor. It just got me wondering why, if like us tuition payments are felt, others would choose to pay for private and pass up an otherwise also great free school. I had a good public school experience. I stumbled a lot, but I found my way and have a great career. I also left college with no student loans. I wanted that for my kids too. But with my concerns for my kid's mild differences, I'm not sure the large classroom will work. Wish it would though. I'd do public in a heartbeat if that were the case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you're part of the Catholic Mafia, happiness is:
1. Putting a Catholic HS bumper sticker on your car;
2. Sending your son/daughter to any college (doesn't really matter as long as you have that Catholic HS bumper sticker);
3. Making sure you find a job for him/her in DC; and
4. Securing a junior country club membership for him/her at Congressional or Columbia.

this would have been taken down if it had been said about Jews or Muslims.

Really? There is a rich history of humor based on stereotypes of how families operate across many cultures. Think about the many humorous stories about Jewish mothers pushing daughters to marry Jewish doctors, have lots of babies, and attend particular synagogues. I can easily recall similar humor stories about Presbyterian families, Mormon families, southern families, African American families, and Asian families. I suspect every culture has similar humor. Most are not particularly mean-spirited, although I suppose they're all slightly offensive to the extent they suggest a stereotype of everyone in the culture. So I empathize with your annoyance, but I think you're overreacting if you say Catholics have some particular cross to bear in this respect that the rest of us don't. (Pun intended!)

Nutty!