Expensive high school tutors

[Anonymous]

Acceptance into one of the top universities is a crap shoot at the level both of the girls are at anyway, OP. They could both lose the spot because Harvard needs a catcher for the baseball team or the Princeton orchestra needs an oboe player. As far as your DD not being able to catch up in AP classes to beat the new girl for valedictorian - those are the breaks. Nothing anyone can really do about it. There is no "fair" in life and the sooner DD accepts this the happier she will be.

[Anonymous]

Two little words OP: Tanya Harding.

Has anyone ever proofread one of your daughters papers? our daughter has advantages over other kids you don't seem to be seeing. Sorry but You're giving her too much credit for her successes though she does sound like a hard worker. My sister was one of 4 valedictorians in her class. Maybe your daughter can share? This is a good lesson for both of you that you can only control so much in life. True sign of character is how you roll with the things you can't control.

[Anonymous]

I meant Your daughter. Not our daughter.

[Anonymous]

OP, where did you get the idea that life was fair? Just tell your daughter she is a super awesome student and to get on with it. She will be a success, no doubt. She'll be an even greater success if she stops judging herself by others' accomplishments and focuses on acheiving her own goals.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you'd like to trade places me with, OP? My DD in high school is also very hard working. Unfortunately she has learning issues and needs "expensive high school tutors" just to keep up with her classwork and avoid a C average.

Seriously, count your blessings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Acceptance into one of the top universities is a crap shoot at the level both of the girls are at anyway, OP. They could both lose the spot because Harvard needs a catcher for the baseball team or the Princeton orchestra needs an oboe player. As far as your DD not being able to catch up in AP classes to beat the new girl for valedictorian - those are the breaks. Nothing anyone can really do about it. There is no "fair" in life and the sooner DD accepts this the happier she will be.

This is true! And you don't realize how unimportant being valedictorian in high school is until you get to one of those top schools and virtually every other person was valedictorian of their high school class. Have DD keep up her excellent academic work and add an unusual hobby or interest. I heard of one kid who got into all of his top picks (yes he had the grades, scores, sports and community service) but he also played the bag pipes!

[Anonymous]

OP can't you get a second job to pay for what your daughter needs to catch up to her peers?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone who doubts the veracity of OP's post should check out the College Confidential website. I am a Tiger Mom and a Stage-Door-Mother and even I cannot believe some of the things highly competitive parents and students write!

+1 OMG. Reading the CC website made me back-off my teenager considerably! Insanity.

+2
I am now what I guess would be called a slacker-mom. And everyone's sanity is the better for it!

[Anonymous]

FWIW, the smartest person I know was in the bottom half of his HS class.

[Anonymous]

The types of practices the OP is describing are very common in some suburbs. As a matter of fact, a 'regular kid' can't compete with kids who are essentially "teams" of trainers, tutors, college planners, etc. THe lesson for the OP is, unfortunately, you can't afford to live where you live. IF you don't have enough money to give your daughter the advantages that her classmates have, then she won't be able to compete. When the teachers in your kids' school start aiming their teaching at the kids with tutors who have already seen all the material, when they start grading your kid's papers against the kids with the advantages, then the only solution is to move to somewhere where people can't afford all that infrastructure. THat is the only way to level the playing field and give your kid a fighting chance.

[Anonymous]

This exact situation happened to me in high school, a student moved into the large public school from Germany, and so had a greater % of AP classes and thus a higher GPA, and he ended up valedictorian. The counselors/school realized it was unfair, and adjusted how the process worked after that year, but at the time it did bother me (but thank God my parents weren't involved, and frankly I doubt they even knew about the situation, it was before much helicoptering). Anyway, it was a good lesson for me, sometimes things aren't fair, but for sure it wasn't the German boy's fault. I still got into Harvard, and if you think that being valedictorian or not matters, it really doesn't. As the other PPs said, once you are in the "academically highly qualified" group, it just doesn't matter if SATS 2400 or 2310, and GPA puts you first or third in a big class. What matters then is essays, letters (which will be better if teachers aren't hearing about crazy student or mother making a stink about the new girl being valedictorian!) , and showing a special talent or skill that happens to catch the interest of application readers, and/or something nationally ranked that the school wants (i.e. athletes, musicians, published author, whatever). So really calm down there is nothing you can do and it is ridiculous in the long run to worry about this, and if you truly aren't sleeping you need a therapist before you ensure your DD needs one for life!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's life, op. Your dd had some advantages in life, this girl just has a few more. You'd be better off teaching your dd to gracefully handle competition than focusing on the advantages this girl has. Life isn't fair.

Yup.

Think of it this way. In college, your dd will likely have a better ability to handle the class load, while this girl may falter without hand holding.

Out valedictorian 20 years ago cracked under the pressure of the college she busted her butt to go to and is now not using her education at all.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are over the top. Way too involved in the goings-on. Here is where you should place your focus: Gratitude for a DD who is a good student and has friends.

Is your daughter kind? Helpful? Interested in others? Persistent? Does she have "grit"? Is she mentally healthy, physically healthy, active and leading a balanced life? Does she have goals and dreams? Is she acting in the present to make those happen in the future?

Yes?

Then count your blessings and focus on your own DD and family.

There will always be people out there who are smarter, more accomplished, more beautiful, who have more money, who in whatever way are better than you or your daughter. This is life. Get used to it.

[Anonymous]

this has to be a troll. As long as we are guessing, I'm guessing the new girl is way ahead because she went to school abroad and not so much thanks to a tutor.

[Anonymous]

This exact same thing happened to me in high school. I was top of the class until sophomore year, and then a student transferred from another school. She missed the mandatory unweighted 9th grade health class, so she pulled ahead of everyone else. She ended up graduating #1, despite only attending a little over 2 years at the high school.

My school stopped doing valedictorians before I graduated, thankfully. We had the class president make a speech instead of the valedictorian, because it was so. darn. competitive. People pulled all sorts of stupid tricks, getting "religious exemptions" for non weighted classes, taking things at the university in town instead of on campus so you'd get extra GPA points, taking classes as pass/fail instead of getting a grade, etc. It was a game.