Please suggest house rules for a visiting 15-year-old

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would ask her parents what their current house rules are about things like electronics, meals, curfews, etc. Seeing as you don't have any policies in place, I see no reason not to just follow theirs. If you don't like the rules her family follows, then you should probably just tell them you don't think it will work out, as all of your expectations will just be too different.

I agree. Also ask them what they would like to see.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We hosted a 14 yr old from Europe last summer, for six weeks. Before she came, we let her know (with her parents there, all via Skype) that she had to obey the laws in this country (re smoking, drinking, drugs) as well as our house rules. If we found her breaking any, we'd put her on a plane home within 48 hours. We made sure there were no language barriers.

To be fair though, we explained that these were the rules for EVERYONE in the house. Dh and I decided we would not drink at the dinner table (we drank at restaurants, but not at home). Nobody is allowed to bring electronics to the table at mealtime. None of the kids can bring an electronic to a family outing. We did not give her a curfew because we wanted to know where she was at all times. Within a week of being here she'd made friends and would ask "Can I go see a movie and then hang out at the mall with Julie?" and we'd agree to pick her up at 9pm or whatever time. When she complained we were embarrassing her (I walked into a party she'd been invited to, in order to meet the parent she claimed would be home), we brushed her off saying "Then don't go. If you want to go, this is the hoop you need to jump through. Besides you're not from here - you'll never see these people again." She got over herself. We made fun of the American stereotypes that we fit (hovering/coddling parents) that frustrated her.

It worked out just fine.

Thanks. This is extremely helpful.

-OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don't particularly care about her use of electronics, attitude toward meals, etc. Those are all fairly trivial, and we will either roll with it or let her know if we feel that things are getting out of hand. I do care about safety, and that is why my position on alcohol, drugs, and smoking is non-negotiable. I'm not planning to staple a list of rules to the wall; I will have this discussion with the parents before the plans are finalized. We don't know the parents well, but having lived in Europe, we know that expectations regarding alcohol and smoking at least can be somewhat different and want to make sure that we are all on the same page. Asking about their house rules in other areas is a good suggestion, and I will start there.

I think it's fine to remind the family that since she is 15, it is illegal for her to drink or smoke in the United States and you expect that she will follow the law.

You might ask what their house rules are and what chores she normally does. I'd ask if she has a curfew and what it is, and see if it's something you can live with. You might discuss having friends over--for example, a reasonable rule is that she can have classmates over, but she needs to ask you in advance. Another reasonable rule is that you need to know where she is, so if her stated plans change, she must notify you right away.

Otherwise, I'd think that she just needs to clean up after herself, pitch in a little around the house (help set the table, clean up after dinner, that kind of thing), and be polite.