What does an offer letter from the Big Three look like?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I thought it was Haphaestus, the blacksmith god, as he builds the golden cage that you will live in for the next 12+ years.

No, Hephaestus has unfortunately lost his job in the downturned economy. Not everyone is tacking on the extra golden cage this year, and if they are, they're not using migrant (Greek) labor to manufacture it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Actually, you will know as soon as you walk in the door. You will immediately become blonde, thin, rich and a member of the DC Power elite. Along with the acceptance letter will be numerous invitations to glamorous parties in Georgetown homes. The phone will immediate ring - it will be Washington Life magazine calling to do a profile on you. Boutiques will clamor to dress you. Life will be wonderful.

The blond, thin part is definitely not true for all. In fact all of the moms I know that are at a big 3 are not blonde and thin. They may be either but not both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Actually, you will know as soon as you walk in the door. You will immediately become blonde, thin, rich and a member of the DC Power elite. Along with the acceptance letter will be numerous invitations to glamorous parties in Georgetown homes. The phone will immediate ring - it will be Washington Life magazine calling to do a profile on you. Boutiques will clamor to dress you. Life will be wonderful.

The blond, thin part is definitely not true for all. In fact all of the moms I know that are at a big 3 are not blonde and thin. They may be either but not both.

I beg to differ. I am both - as well as tall. And our acceptance letter has been professionally framed and is hanging over the fireplace.

[Anonymous]

That's so tacky. You must be new money--clearly not part of the Washington elite. Our acceptance letters are folded into the pages of our family Bible, along with my great-grandmother's housekeeper's lobster roll recipe.

[Anonymous]

I got home and found our favorite azalea on fire. A deep voice from above (not Charleton Heston-- DC gun control after all) called down "mom, mom, avert thy eyes and heed me well, for yeah thou hast been chosen to lay thy offerings at the fundraiser auction, and shun thy Civic for a Volvo Wagon, in which to shuttle the extraordinary fruit of thy privileged loins to an elite pre-k, where the tiny potties are lined with gold, and sweet ambrosia flows at snack time. Mom, cast aside thy after-care and find thee a Caucasian au pair from a northerly latitude, then tone thy 40-year-old ass to keep thy favor in thy husband's eyes while she is there, for thigh ethnically pure servant hath stirred his Brooks Brothers fly. Send thy deposit on the wings of angels; it will be thy first sacrifice to the one, true religion. Send it swiftly and activate thy automatic debit, for our school is a jealous school, and thy faithfulness must be demonstrated in gold. Change thy last name from Finkleburger to Kennedy, though they be insufficiently Episcopalian."

Then there was a puff of smoke, and the branches of my azalea parted to reveal the Envelope of the Covenant.

Too bad they got the address wrong. My neighbor has been waiting for months to see that.

[Anonymous]

Was it a regular business envelope or 9" x 12"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Was it a regular business envelope or 9" x 12"?

It was circular, representing life's eternal circle of tuition.

[Anonymous]

Did it arrive on Friday or Saturday? No, wait, Saturday is the Sabbath. But if I change my name... Can I do that retroactively?

[Anonymous]

A letter from the Big Three looks like a letter. It will say if your kid has been accepted into their school, and you will be happy if it says yes, but you will know in your heart your kid is too good for them anyway if it says no.

And life will go on.

[Anonymous]

That's not funny. Isn't this the farce thread?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did it arrive on Friday or Saturday? No, wait, Saturday is the Sabbath. But if I change my name... Can I do that retroactively?

I don't think that they bake much Challah on the "Cathedral Close," dearie. If you won't change your name, do yourself a favor and at least get elected to the Senate.

[Anonymous]

But it's so good as French toast. And bread pudding. Mmmm. And it would make a mean lobster roll roll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's so tacky. You must be new money--clearly not part of the Washington elite. Our acceptance letters are folded into the pages of our family Bible, along with my great-grandmother's housekeeper's lobster roll recipe.

I think a silver frame is acceptable, and you can add it to the family pictures in the other silver frames you've arranged on your grand piano. As long as it's sterling, of course.

[Anonymous]

I thought the AD from the best schools called first with the good news.

[Anonymous]

Our acceptance letters are folded into the pages of our family Bible, along with my great-grandmother's housekeeper's lobster roll recipe.

subtle, very subtle. and perfect!