How easy to date as a single 40yr old parent of two?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't be alone

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I read the OP, I understood "but I can't be alone" to mean that she can't be the only 40-yr-old single parent of young kids looking to date but without a lot of energy to put into it. Not that she has to have a man in her life.

No I think that's exactly what she means.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I think it's because most men are generally hard to live with. On average, they have poorer social skills, are less adept at relationship regulatory tasks like chatting, and contribute less to the household chores and child rearing.

Like nails on a chalkboard.

[Anonymous]

Why "can't" you be alone OP?

And you are not alone, you have your two children and together you all are comprised of a family unit. So remember that you are never alone.

And also remember that you do not need a man to complete you, you never EVER need to be an extension of another person at all.

If and when the time does come, let it come organically. But never with the intent that you need to find someone solely for the purpose that you "cannot be alone."

With that way of thinking, you will sadly find yourself staying in unhealthy relationships because that is an unhealthy way of thinking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women=can find sex partners and/or dates anytime they want. You should have no problem.

Yes, every woman already knows this. She was talking about finding love and that's a bit different.

But that turns into love, fairly generally. Most of the time, in my experience, it's the guys who get more attached than women. As evidenced in the difference in divorce filing rates by gender.

I have always wondered about this. Is it because women have higher standards and expectations or that men are more wary of throwing in the towel as to them it is admitting failure. Also believe that part of it is because dating is so much more difficult for men as they are usually required to make the first move.

This is an interesting discussion. I tend to think it's because when faced with an unhappy relationship, men will do more to cope without leaving the relationship (check out mentally, cheat, etc) and women can't really do the same, because if they cheated their DH would most likely not stay. I also think most men aren't crazy about the idea of less time with their kids and paying child support (if applicable) so they are less inclined to file for divorce.
I also generally find that men have a pretty easy time dating as well, as long as they are dating 'in their league' looks-wise so to speak. The ones who face a lot of rejection are often going after women who are just not a good fit for them.

I think it's because most men are generally hard to live with. On average, they have poorer social skills, are less adept at relationship regulatory tasks like chatting, and contribute less to the household chores and child rearing. Many times, they dont contribute at all and think of their wife as basically an unpaid maid/nanny/sex supplier. I think sooner or later, once women have kids, they figure out that as hard as it may be to go it alone, it's easier than with an additional burden who is not that socially supportive of them.

x2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't be alone

That man is deceased already.

[Anonymous]

OP, I am a divorced mom of two elementary school kids, and who is 41. I tried online dating last year and found it exhausting. Trying to line up lunch dates or early evening dates while kids were with their father or in other childcare situations was tough. I didn't find anyone lasting or worth my time.

I took a break.

My mom keeps harping on me to get back out there and keep going...that I will get older and older and less attractive with age (thanks Mom!). I would like to work on myself first (mentally, physically, financially) before retrying.

It's tough. Some guys will not date you because you have baggage. Some will just look for a hookup and once you put out, disappear.

As far as the can't be alone...I have good days and bad days. Some days I LOVE being alone without a partner. I can do what I want or whatever, without having to check with someone. Or I can get myself off and head off to sleep quickly. Other days, I miss companionship and love.

Of course I have my kids and they love me and I love them, but it's a different kind of companionship/relationship.

Hang in there and see how you do. Wait until you are ready and if it's not working for you...take a step back and wait.

[Anonymous]

if you're hot, it will be very easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am a divorced mom of two elementary school kids, and who is 41. I tried online dating last year and found it exhausting. Trying to line up lunch dates or early evening dates while kids were with their father or in other childcare situations was tough. I didn't find anyone lasting or worth my time.

I took a break.

My mom keeps harping on me to get back out there and keep going...that I will get older and older and less attractive with age (thanks Mom!). I would like to work on myself first (mentally, physically, financially) before retrying.

It's tough. Some guys will not date you because you have baggage. Some will just look for a hookup and once you put out, disappear.

As far as the can't be alone...I have good days and bad days. Some days I LOVE being alone without a partner. I can do what I want or whatever, without having to check with someone. Or I can get myself off and head off to sleep quickly. Other days, I miss companionship and love.

Of course I have my kids and they love me and I love them, but it's a different kind of companionship/relationship.

Hang in there and see how you do. Wait until you are ready and if it's not working for you...take a step back and wait.

You sound sweet. I hope someone does come into your life in 2015!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to examine why you "can't be alone."

I think you're overthinking this. OP may have meant she didn't want to be alone. Which is more common than the alternative.

[Anonymous]

I think 00:16 hit it on the head.

Yes, it's possible. I've seen plenty of my friends find love after divorce/kids. Some of them are in much better situations than before, with great kids. And some of them are not. and some of us are still single and may be for awhile.

There are a lot of factors that determine whether or how quickly you'll find someone else that's worth dating. How hot you are is definitely a factor - I have hot friends with tons of baggage who never lack for dates because guys sometimes don't care about baggage if the woman is hot. Some people just have really good luck and meet someone unexpectedly who turns out to be a great catch. Some put lots of time into searching online and eventually find a great match after weeding through a bunch of guys.

But if you do have the idea that you can't be alone, one of two things can happen. One is that you will scare men off. The second is that you will attract guys who also can't be alone, and they may not be a good fit otherwise. It's better to be alone for a bit if it means finding a good guy in the end. And you're never alone if you also put some time into your friendships.

[Anonymous]

14:40 here - I'm 42, one kid, perpetually single. I simply don't have the time away from my kid or much money for sitters to put in an extensive online search. And I haven't met anyone great "naturally" in awhile - there just isn't a huge pool of available guys out there, at least not a huge pool that I am meeting when I go places.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I have always wondered about this. Is it because women have higher standards and expectations or that men are more wary of throwing in the towel as to them it is admitting failure. Also believe that part of it is because dating is so much more difficult for men as they are usually required to make the first move.

It is because, as usual, women do the work of the family to keep it running. It's back to the default parent stuff. If you wait for the husband to do it, might not get done. Speaking generally, of course.

[Anonymous]

As a man, the one thing I would add, and have said it on here before, is not to look at each date as a potential relationship. Instead think, "I am interested in expanding my social circle and if something more comes along, great". That way, you take the pressure off. Nobody has too many friends. Somebody who is not dating material for you might have a buddy who is perfect.

[Anonymous]

Men have more to lose in a divorce, especially if they have been focusing mostly on their careers, putting their eggs into a single basket.

For women, a divorce is often a nice break from the Rat Race: a few years of alimony and child support where they don't have to have a job outside of the house and now have time to reinvent themselves outside of the context of being a wife.