Whoops- FIL comment

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Awww, OP, it's just a generational issue. In his day, wives prepped for company, even if the company was from the husband's office. If you'd have looked at where he was coming from it'd have been easier to bring him along to where things are now, with you.

I tink it would be nice of you to say to him "I just wanted to apologize about earlier. I'm guessing when you were my age, if you were hosting a company event, your wife would have done all the prep work, right? I didn't realize that in the moment, and that's why I couldn't figure out why you kept asking me what *I* needed to do. Your offer was generous and kind, thank you." Be a mensch!

+1

[Anonymous]

Dear Lord, the man asked what he could do to help you whether it was walk the dogs, take out the trash or vaccum and you are rude to him. People on here do nothing but complain about their ILs
You are a rude, self-absorbed jerk.

Here's a news flash. Caterers do NOT clean your house. I had a catering business and the only room I was responsible for cleaning up afterwards was the kitchef. We picked up dirty dishes but that was all
If your bathroom needed to be cleane, it wasn't our job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does responding in a nicer manner but not taking him up on the offer make it any better?

Of course. "Thanks for the offer, but DH has a staff for that, thankfully, and we really don't have a hand in it." Period, done.

[Anonymous]

I'm usually like you, OP. And maybe you could have been gentler, but you can always apologize, say thanks, and explain that you were tense. (You don't have to say that FIL was what was making you tense! Let him think it was the party.)

Even if there were staff there, perhaps there was something you would have had to do that you woukdn't have delegated to them, so next time give FIL something in that category.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You say this is sexism but he was offering his cleaning services - his help - to you. Sorry but you were rude.

It's rude when someone is politely rebuffed ("Ask DH"), multiple times, and then persists in the line of questioning. So, OP, my take is that he was rude first, you responded appropriately, and then he got huffy because his offer to help didn't follow through as he expected. I would let it rest unless he brings it up.

[Anonymous]

I think it is a mistake to overthink the feminist stuff.
Sounds like miscommunication/grumpy people to me.
Talk it out, laugh about it. Then forget about.

[Anonymous]

Maybe your father in law thinks your house is messy and you needed to clean before the party?

Your attitude, OP was certainly unwarranted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He was sexist, you were a bit huffy. Do not apologize. Neither offense is that big a deal. Move on. PPs are blowing this up to waaaaay too big a deal.

So are you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Sorry, I fail to see how your words were rude. FIL took it badly, but then he'll just have to lump it, right?

I say this because this December, more than any previous December, I have been overwhelmed with work, children's rehearsals, house stuff - somehow it all falls on me, and DH somehow finds excuses never to engage in the extra stuff surrounding the Holidays.

So I would be SO NOT RECEPTIVE to that kind of remark, however well meant.

Why should he? Obviously you'll do it. Stop doing it if you don't like it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You say this is sexism but he was offering his cleaning services - his help - to you. Sorry but you were rude.

It's rude when someone is politely rebuffed ("Ask DH"), multiple times, and then persists in the line of questioning. So, OP, my take is that he was rude first, you responded appropriately, and then he got huffy because his offer to help didn't follow through as he expected. I would let it rest unless he brings it up.

Ask DH is a polite rebuff when someone offers to help you? How would you feel if someone said how can I help you and the only response was not an explanation that the event was being staffed, but a rude rejoinder "Ask so and so". That's just mean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You say this is sexism but he was offering his cleaning services - his help - to you. Sorry but you were rude.

It's rude when someone is politely rebuffed ("Ask DH"), multiple times, and then persists in the line of questioning. So, OP, my take is that he was rude first, you responded appropriately, and then he got huffy because his offer to help didn't follow through as he expected. I would let it rest unless he brings it up.

Ask DH is a polite rebuff when someone offers to help you? How would you feel if someone said how can I help you and the only response was not an explanation that the event was being staffed, but a rude rejoinder "Ask so and so". That's just mean.

I would feel like you didn't need help but thought that DH might. I really don't see what the big deal is. Are people looking for reasons to get mad?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You say this is sexism but he was offering his cleaning services - his help - to you. Sorry but you were rude.

It's rude when someone is politely rebuffed ("Ask DH"), multiple times, and then persists in the line of questioning. So, OP, my take is that he was rude first, you responded appropriately, and then he got huffy because his offer to help didn't follow through as he expected. I would let it rest unless he brings it up.

Ask DH is a polite rebuff when someone offers to help you? How would you feel if someone said how can I help you and the only response was not an explanation that the event was being staffed, but a rude rejoinder "Ask so and so". That's just mean.

I would feel like you didn't need help but thought that DH might. I really don't see what the big deal is. Are people looking for reasons to get mad?[/quote]

Ask 21:44.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You say this is sexism but he was offering his cleaning services - his help - to you. Sorry but you were rude.

It's rude when someone is politely rebuffed ("Ask DH"), multiple times, and then persists in the line of questioning. So, OP, my take is that he was rude first, you responded appropriately, and then he got huffy because his offer to help didn't follow through as he expected. I would let it rest unless he brings it up.

Ask DH is a polite rebuff when someone offers to help you? How would you feel if someone said how can I help you and the only response was not an explanation that the event was being staffed, but a rude rejoinder "Ask so and so". That's just mean.

I would feel like you didn't need help but thought that DH might. I really don't see what the big deal is. Are people looking for reasons to get mad?[/quote]

Ask 21:44.

Oh, I wasn't mad! Just giving that PP an idea, since obviously it has never, ever occurred to her, or else it has and she likes to be a martyr.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dear Lord, the man asked what he could do to help you whether it was walk the dogs, take out the trash or vaccum and you are rude to him. People on here do nothing but complain about their ILs
You are a rude, self-absorbed jerk.

Here's a news flash. Caterers do NOT clean your house. I had a catering business and the only room I was responsible for cleaning up afterwards was the kitchef. We picked up dirty dishes but that was all
If your bathroom needed to be cleane, it wasn't our job.

Did you read the OP? They hired cleaners. (News flash! )