So I read all my kid's texts today

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sure you will dismiss me, but she is entering an age when she will care more about privacy and being treated as a separate individual from you. Ignore this at your peril.

You didn't tell me anything I don't already know. She has no idea I looked at her iPod.

I would consider this a betrayal of trust, both as a parent and as a former 12-year-old -- unless you explicitly told her when she got her iPod that you reserve the right to look at any of her texts any time without telling her.

Yep, she was told that about all her social media outlets. This is her generations version of being on the phone. If that were happening, then I'd be hearing half-conversations regularly.

[Anonymous]

This is an invasion of her privacy. Just as ignominious as reading her diary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is an invasion of her privacy. Just as ignominious as reading her diary.

This I disagree with. Parents should be seeing to it that their kids are safe, and if this means looking at their texts, I think it's fine. She is twelve, so a long way from being an adult whose judgment should be more trustworthy. What I don't understand is why these kids are doing so much texting anyway. Don't they have anything more productive to do? Why do they need Ipods AND phones? I guess OP lives in DC and her daughter takes metro or something. My kids take a bus and they don't need their own phone, nor does the school allow them to have it. To take a phone to school in our county, parents have to apply for permission.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is an invasion of her privacy. Just as ignominious as reading her diary.

No. In a diary you're not interacting with other people. This is more equal to being told you'll get your own phone line but understand your parentsmay listen in on some of your calls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is an invasion of her privacy. Just as ignominious as reading her diary.

This I disagree with. Parents should be seeing to it that their kids are safe, and if this means looking at their texts, I think it's fine. She is twelve, so a long way from being an adult whose judgment should be more trustworthy. What I don't understand is why these kids are doing so much texting anyway. Don't they have anything more productive to do? Why do they need Ipods AND phones? I guess OP lives in DC and her daughter takes metro or something. My kids take a bus and they don't need their own phone, nor does the school allow them to have it. To take a phone to school in our county, parents have to apply for permission.

Why are we all on here? With strangers no less?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does a 6th grader need a phone?

Actually she has an iPod touch which is what she's texting on. But she has a phone for taking mass transit to and from school by herself.

Can I sidetrack to ask how this happens with out a cell phone #? Let me guess: there's an app for that?

I also wondered about this.

[Anonymous]

iMessage works with apple ID, or phone number, over wifi.

There are also new messaging apps all the time that you don't know about...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mine, too, can't stand the F word or other rude gestures. She's not a prude, but knows it's trashy to do those things. Just because many kids are doing that doesn't make it okay.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is an invasion of her privacy. Just as ignominious as reading her diary.

Not OP here but as a condition of getting the phone the kids were told I would be checking. They can absolutely 100% return their iPhone to me and have all the privacy they desire.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is an invasion of her privacy. Just as ignominious as reading her diary.

Not OP here but as a condition of getting the phone the kids were told I would be checking. They can absolutely 100% return their iPhone to me and have all the privacy they desire.

What you do is called "consistent" and there's no presumption of privacy so no invasion. This OP's child "has no idea." That's the invasion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is an invasion of her privacy. Just as ignominious as reading her diary.

Not OP here but as a condition of getting the phone the kids were told I would be checking. They can absolutely 100% return their iPhone to me and have all the privacy they desire.

What you do is called "consistent" and there's no presumption of privacy so no invasion. This OP's child "has no idea." That's the invasion.

Op said that it was a condition to allow her dd to text that OP would check the texts. All parents should be doing this. It's just like helping your kid walk. You need to help your child navigate social media and texting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I read all the texts and that was a condition of her getting a device.

When we were kids, our parents knew who called because there was one house phone, period. My kid is 12, not practically in college, so I don't see this as a problem.

See OP said here that it was a condition to having the device that she would read the texts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is an invasion of her privacy. Just as ignominious as reading her diary.

Not OP here but as a condition of getting the phone the kids were told I would be checking. They can absolutely 100% return their iPhone to me and have all the privacy they desire.

What you do is called "consistent" and there's no presumption of privacy so no invasion. This OP's child "has no idea." That's the invasion.

OP here. DD was warned when she got iMessage that I would have the right to check texts and each time she's been allowed social media accounts been reminded I get to look at them whenever I want. So I don't feel the need at all to tell her that I exercised that right yesterday morning.

[Anonymous]

How often are you reading the texts? I don't want to check daily, but want to be able to put things in context and be responsive in a timely manner if needed.

[Anonymous]

I don't think you should be checking texts. Did your parents read your mail? Did they listen in on your phone conversations? That is the equivalent, not knowing who called. The fact that you are sitting here digesting the minutia of her conversations is a pretty strong sign that you are overinvolved.