A mom-friend outted her DD to me yesterday

[Anonymous]

You're the one that was talking about your daughter's attractions or lack thereof. You see aghast that she "violated" her daughter's privacy, yet you were the one that started the "let's talk about our kid's romantic lives" train.

I'm sure your daughter wouldn't want you bringing up if she likes boys or not to other people.

It's no big deal. There's no reason that bisexuality or homosexuality needs to be a "secret" - it is exactly on par with you discussing if your daughter likes boys or not.

[Anonymous]

Obviously the mom picked the wrong friend to confide in since you are posting it on a public forum. Who knows who else you may slip and tell.

It is no big deal. My daughter is 13 and I know of 3 of her friends who are gay, 2 are out and 1 that is not. It shouldn't be a secret. The kids are much more tolerable than we are - just the same as our parents.

That said, you shouldn't be saying a thing or posting to anyone.

[Anonymous]

She shouldn't have told you. That's what alcohol will do to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She shouldn't have told you. That's what alcohol will do to you.

Huh? There was no alcohol involved. I was drinking tea and she was drinking hot chocolate. It was 3 in the afternoon.

[Anonymous]

I seriously can not believe nobody has cried "troll!" yet here. My first thought after reading this was that it was a fake story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We had drinks while our girls were playing with two other girls. I asked something about if her girl was interested in boys yet, as my girl (4 months younger) is not. She hesitated, and I said, "Oh, I don't mean to pry," and she replied "I'm trying to think how to tell you without violating DD's confidentiality .... DD is identifying as bi. She thinks she likes girls right now." I asked if she was out, and the mom said, "I think she's telling her friends one by one, as she feels comfortable telling them," so I just said "Okay, I won't tell my DD then."

But after I got home it struck me how much it seems she totally DID violate her daughter's confidentiality! Am I crazy on this one? My own DD would be SO upset if she'd told me a secret and then found out I was telling the moms of her friends!

IDK, i think it maybe violated her privacy but at least she's not treating it like some shameful secret. I hope she's supportive and nonchalant towards her daughter since there's absolutely NOTHING wrong with being bi.

[Anonymous]

It's a good lesson for OP, and all of us, that we make assumptions about children's sexuality. Assumptions won't always be true. You can ask if she's interested in dating, or even boys or girls...leaving it so nobody has to be "outed."

[Anonymous]

So it's ok for you to talk about your daughter's interest in boys but your friend is untrustworthy for having the same conversation about her daughter being bi. It is a double standard. You feel that one (hetero) is fine for discussion but the other (bi) should be guarded. I appreciate that you are trying to be sensitive, but don't you see the double standard? And, fwiw, if you can't discuss your kids without violating their privacy, then how do you discuss your kids? Just be careful, I guess.