Any Jewish parents who chose not to circumcise?

[Anonymous]

Check out
www.Mothering.com
on this issue.

[Anonymous]

I am jewish but my husband is not (he is circ'ed, though). We decided not to circumcize because we believe our son is perfect the way he is. I was raised in a reform synagogue and my personal opinions on circumcision trump any religious reasons to do the procedure. My mom was quite upset about it at first, but now seems okay with it (or at least doesn't mention it). The rest of my mom's family is Orthodox and doesn't consider me really Jewish anyway (many wouldn't come to my Bat Mitzvah and even my uncle refused to go to my wedding because my husband is not jewish) so I've given up on caring what other people think about my choices. I will teach my child to respect all people regardless of their religious beliefs or what their penis looks like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - thanks for the many responses.

Just to clarify, I was not raised to be very observant - we celebrated major holidays but did not keep kosher or observe the sabbath every week. I have recently joined a Reform synagogue, and I will probably always stay in the Reform or Reconstructionist tradition. I don't think my point of view would go over very well in the Orthodox community, but I am hoping that the Reform community will be more receptive.

The bottom line is that I think that a child's genitals are a private matter. I appreciate that this forum provides a place for me to raise the issue among thoughtful people with different experiences and perspectives.

I don't think the fact you married a non-Jew would go over very well in the Orthodox community either...LOL! And that's to say that you've already made many choices that do not adhere to Jewish practices. So trying to decide if you should strictly adhere to Jewish doctrine just in the one matter of your son's foreskin seems unnecessary in my very humble opinion. It's fairly unlikely that a child raised by a non-Jew and a Jew who doesn't really practice is going to grow up and decide to be an Orthodox Jew. So I don't think you'd be limiting him in any way by not circumcising.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know this isn't what you asked, but I am Jewish and we had our son circumcised in the hospital, rather than have a bris (although there are some OBs who are also mohels).

It's my understanding that a circumcision performed by someone other than a mohel in a bris ceremony is not valid (according to Judaism) - comparable to not having one at all?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know this isn't what you asked, but I am Jewish and we had our son circumcised in the hospital, rather than have a bris (although there are some OBs who are also mohels).

It's my understanding that a circumcision performed by someone other than a mohel in a bris ceremony is not valid (according to Judaism) - comparable to not having one at all?

Its not comparable to not having a bris at all but it usually requires an additional ceremony/step if a boy is circumsized outside a religious ceremony but then needs to make it "official" for marriage or other religious purposes.

[Anonymous]

Two of my favorite aspects of Judaism are that it is encouraged to question everything, and that safety and health come before tradition. Make your decision based on whether or not you think circumcision is in the best interests of your son.

[Anonymous]

I'm not Jewish, but I thought your post was very interesting.

I recently gave birth to a son, and we had him circumcised, but I have told a few close friends and even my sister-in-law that if I had to do it all over again, I don't think I would.

Up until last year, we were living in Central Europe where no one (except Jews and Muslims) is circumcised. We knew a lot of families with little boys - none of them were circumcised. We knew American families who delivered boys over there - it was always a real hassle to find a doctor to circumcise the babies. There was literally one doctor at the hospital who performed circumcisions one day a week.....

I guess I had always taken it for granted, and assumed that everyone was circumcised - this experience taught me that obviously a lot of people are not.

Still, I didn't really feel strongly about it one way or the other and so I left it up to my (circumcised) husband who also didn't feel strongly but in the end decided sure, let's circumcise him.

It kind of broke my heart that they do it when they are such tiny babies, they are so new to the world and are busy trying to figure so many other things out and then they have this also. Every time I changed his diapers for a while I just felt terrible.... The real kicker for me was when we finally went back and looked closely at pictures we had snapped moments after the birth, and I could see his little uncircumcised penis and it looked just right for him.

Obviously now everything is fine, it's not like I think about this every day, but I did definitely have a moment of "why the heck did I do this?!" so just thought I'd share that and maybe save you going through that too.....

[Anonymous]

OP. Update: DS is 6 mos old and doing well. DH and I decided not to circumcise after lots of research on the issue. It was a hard decision. We did not tell our families about the decision b/c we believe that it is a private matter between us and our son.

Wanted to update b/c I see that there is another thread on circumcision going strong right now.

[Anonymous]

OP, I don't really understand why you are saying that you won't circumcise b/c it is not medically necessary. Of course, it isn't medically necessary, nobody debates that, that is not the point. Judaism does not require circumcision b/d of medical reasons, it requires it b/c of religious reasons: it is how your little boy enters the covenant. If you chose not to circumcise in the Jewish tradition, your little boy will not be part of the covenant. You don't seem like an observant Jew yourself, but you might want to consider the fact that maybe your sons will grow to become observant Jews and they might feel very uncomfortable about not having been circumcised. They might come to you some day and tell you that they wish that they had been circumcised like all of their Jewish friends so that they could feel plainly Jewish. It might also be a problem if they want to marry an observant Jewish girl or if they want to become Rabbis, but to me the biggest problem is that they themselves might not really feel Jewish and might struggle with their identity. If you want to raise your sons Jewish, you might want to consider that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I don't really understand why you are saying that you won't circumcise b/c it is not medically necessary. Of course, it isn't medically necessary, nobody debates that, that is not the point. Judaism does not require circumcision b/d of medical reasons, it requires it b/c of religious reasons: it is how your little boy enters the covenant. If you chose not to circumcise in the Jewish tradition, your little boy will not be part of the covenant. You don't seem like an observant Jew yourself, but you might want to consider the fact that maybe your sons will grow to become observant Jews and they might feel very uncomfortable about not having been circumcised. They might come to you some day and tell you that they wish that they had been circumcised like all of their Jewish friends so that they could feel plainly Jewish. It might also be a problem if they want to marry an observant Jewish girl or if they want to become Rabbis, but to me the biggest problem is that they themselves might not really feel Jewish and might struggle with their identity. If you want to raise your sons Jewish, you might want to consider that.

Yes, DH and I considered all of these issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I don't really understand why you are saying that you won't circumcise b/c it is not medically necessary. Of course, it isn't medically necessary, nobody debates that, that is not the point. Judaism does not require circumcision b/d of medical reasons, it requires it b/c of religious reasons: it is how your little boy enters the covenant. If you chose not to circumcise in the Jewish tradition, your little boy will not be part of the covenant. You don't seem like an observant Jew yourself, but you might want to consider the fact that maybe your sons will grow to become observant Jews and they might feel very uncomfortable about not having been circumcised. They might come to you some day and tell you that they wish that they had been circumcised like all of their Jewish friends so that they could feel plainly Jewish. It might also be a problem if they want to marry an observant Jewish girl or if they want to become Rabbis, but to me the biggest problem is that they themselves might not really feel Jewish and might struggle with their identity. If you want to raise your sons Jewish, you might want to consider that.

Yes, DH and I considered all of these issues.

OP. I should also add that I discussed my decision with my rabbi. He affirmed that being circumcised or not does not make a person Jewish or not. Reform Judaism emphasizes practice driven by informed choice, so my son can be a practicing Jew whether he is circumcised or not. I struggled with the decision knowing that the tradition of circumcision runs deep in the Jewish community. As I said, it was not an easy decision.

I posted my query b/c I wanted to hear from other Jewish parents who had concerns about circumcision, as I know that they are out there. I don't take issue with anyone who makes an informed decision to circumcise or not to circumcise. But I do want to see both sides of the issue represented intelligently when it is discussed.

[Anonymous]

OP. I should also add that I discussed my decision with my rabbi. He affirmed that being circumcised or not does not make a person Jewish or not. Reform Judaism emphasizes practice driven by informed choice, so my son can be a practicing Jew whether he is circumcised or not. I struggled with the decision knowing that the tradition of circumcision runs deep in the Jewish community. As I said, it was not an easy decision.

I posted my query b/c I wanted to hear from other Jewish parents who had concerns about circumcision, as I know that they are out there. I don't take issue with anyone who makes an informed decision to circumcise or not to circumcise. But I do want to see both sides of the issue represented intelligently when it is discussed.


I think it depends on the Rabbi. I know a Reform Rabbi who requires circumcision for adult men who convert to Judaism- in his opinion, you have to be circumcised to be Jewish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I don't really understand why you are saying that you won't circumcise b/c it is not medically necessary. Of course, it isn't medically necessary, nobody debates that, that is not the point. Judaism does not require circumcision b/d of medical reasons, it requires it b/c of religious reasons: it is how your little boy enters the covenant. If you chose not to circumcise in the Jewish tradition, your little boy will not be part of the covenant. You don't seem like an observant Jew yourself, but you might want to consider the fact that maybe your sons will grow to become observant Jews and they might feel very uncomfortable about not having been circumcised. They might come to you some day and tell you that they wish that they had been circumcised like all of their Jewish friends so that they could feel plainly Jewish. It might also be a problem if they want to marry an observant Jewish girl or if they want to become Rabbis, but to me the biggest problem is that they themselves might not really feel Jewish and might struggle with their identity. If you want to raise your sons Jewish, you might want to consider that.

Yes, DH and I considered all of these issues.

OP. I should also add that I discussed my decision with my rabbi. He affirmed that being circumcised or not does not make a person Jewish or not. Reform Judaism emphasizes practice driven by informed choice, so my son can be a practicing Jew whether he is circumcised or not. I struggled with the decision knowing that the tradition of circumcision runs deep in the Jewish community. As I said, it was not an easy decision.

I posted my query b/c I wanted to hear from other Jewish parents who had concerns about circumcision, as I know that they are out there. I don't take issue with anyone who makes an informed decision to circumcise or not to circumcise. But I do want to see both sides of the issue represented intelligently when it is discussed.

What if your son decides he wants to be a conservative or orthodox Jew?

[Anonymous]

If he really wants that, he can have a circumcision later.

I'm a Conservative Jew. We circumcise. I'm passing no judgement on your choice. I can promise you that when we moved to DC and joined our shul, no one looked down my son's pants or asked to see the paper work before letting him in to Hebrew school. No one asked, either, before he was accepted at a Hebrew Day School.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he really wants that, he can have a circumcision later.

I'm a Conservative Jew. We circumcise. I'm passing no judgement on your choice. I can promise you that when we moved to DC and joined our shul, no one looked down my son's pants or asked to see the paper work before letting him in to Hebrew school. No one asked, either, before he was accepted at a Hebrew Day School.

The procedure is a lot more complicated and a lot more painful for an adult.