Does bullying end in college?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in my 30's I'm not in college. I was never bullied until I got out of college when I met a guy. He very carefully began the process of making my life horrible. But he did it in a way I didn't know it was happening. Now years later I am completely controlled by a man who blackmails me into sex. People tell me to just leave but I can't he knows where I live and he could ruin me. How could he ruin me I'm not sure which way he would choose but he always lets it be known. I'm very much bullied and blackmailed by this man. I don't see it ever ending.

I feel sorry for you. Wish I could help.

[Anonymous]

My DD was not treated well in high school and is deliriously happy at her SLAC. It really depends on the school and I think kids who are different in some way need to go to a school where hat difference is appreciated. If you're going to swim with the sharks, be a shark. If you aren't a shark -- and I would hope your children are not -- go somewhere else.

[Anonymous]

My son was not a popular kid in high school. He is also now at a SLAC and having a great time. He is involved in things he never thought of joining in HS. He has plenty of friends and just seems like a much happier person. I'm so glad we found this school for him.

[Anonymous]

There seems to be more bullying in environments where kids have no choice who they are grouped with. Public schools are the worst, for example.

[Anonymous]

No. In fact, some of the worst bullies I have ever seen are adults with some extremely deep seated insecurities.

[Anonymous]

I felt like I was occasionally bullied by members of certain fraternities as a result of my involvement with Take Back the Night. (This is not to bash all fraternities - some members were perfectly nice and supportive of the organization).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in my 30's I'm not in college. I was never bullied until I got out of college when I met a guy. He very carefully began the process of making my life horrible. But he did it in a way I didn't know it was happening. Now years later I am completely controlled by a man who blackmails me into sex. People tell me to just leave but I can't he knows where I live and he could ruin me. How could he ruin me I'm not sure which way he would choose but he always lets it be known. I'm very much bullied and blackmailed by this man. I don't see it ever ending.

This is terrible. Please get help fighting this awful person. A therapist, social worker or clergy person can give you advice and support and would keep what you say confidential. I am praying for you. Be strong.

[Anonymous]

it isn't systematic like high school, at least not at large state schools I went to or the private school I teach at. There might be a bully here or there, but there aren't bystanders egging her/him on out of relief for not being targeted themselves. There isn't a social pecking order that dominates the life of each student so that each student knows his/her place. There isn't any visible signs of popularity - like cheerleading or student council to which all students on campus are called to witness at a pep rally or school assembly. So sure there is a student government, but I never voted or knew who was elected. Without such power there can't be any teeth to unkindness handed out form one student to another. At my big state school, 3 people form high school went there. They were, in hs, all popular (I was NOT). When we'd see each other on campus once or twice a semester we'd smile and gush a bit just at seeing a face from home. Old hierarchies obliterated by the anonymity of college.

I think the only place this might be different is at schools like vassar and other high selective, small liberal arts schools? But I'm basing this on Mary McCarthy's memoirs and Shirley Jackson's Hangsaman, so like 70 years ago

[Anonymous]

Hell, there's bullying in nursing homes.

[Anonymous]

I was bullied in college -- once. I registered late and had few choices in dorm rooms, so I applied for an apartment that had an open slot. The three girls who lived there came to my temporary dorm room and told me they didn't want me to live in their apartment. I thought that was pretty mean. I told them I had to live somewhere, so I was going to move in anyway and that they'd just have to ignore me. They went away angry. I didn't move in. I found another room in an all-girls dorm. But it sure felt like mean-girl bullying to me. No one has ever done anything like that to me before or since. This was at an Ivy, one of the very hardest to get into, one most parents would rip their arm off to get their little prince or princess into. Bullies are everywhere.

[Anonymous]

Bullying happens in the workplace all the time OP. It never really ends.

[Anonymous]

I would say there was bullying at my large public state university, but it was mostly amongst freshmen and mostly contained within each dorm. There was lots of drama in my dorm and a definite sense of cliques/groups/"cool kids." I definitely got the sense that my dorm was not alone in that. Past that point, the bullying seemed to stop but there were a few high profile incidents amongst girls in a few sororities that I heard about from a college co-worker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it changes names to "hazing."

[Anonymous]

If you get "bullied" in college, you are a big giant pussy and you need to get some balls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you get "bullied" in college, you are a big giant pussy and you need to get some balls.

Balls are weak and sensitive. You need to get a vagina.