I can finally speak up about our 10 day "staycation" with ILs

[Anonymous]

Take away:

1. They're dirty people. OP should have said: "No, don't put unwashed dishes in the cupboard - let me wash those."

2. They only want to visit to see their family, and have no interest in improving their minds by lugging their tired old bones to every touristy place in DC. OP should respect that.

[Anonymous]

Only the first one would annoy me but I would just wash the cups. It's different in the UK with regards to homeless, tipping, and washing clothes. I imagine if she said you could wash her clothes then you would be complaining about that.

[Anonymous]

This isn't even close to the krap my cheapwad British in laws do when they come. Starting with we tell them 10 days max and they go book 3 weeks!

Get some perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They were here 10 days and honestly, I felt like I had a 10 day long migraine. I was exhausted with all the moaning/bitching and driving around....
We had not seen them for 2 years (they live in UK) and they came to see our new home. They have been here 4 times but they act like each time is the first time. They are only 70 and 65 but act like they are 100 years old.
I understand not everyone has the same levels of hygiene, education or common sense, but seriously?

Some of the gems from last week:

- "Rinsing" mugs and plates with just water and putting them back in cupboard. Apparently butter and coffee stains on your dishes is a-ok. Especially when FIL has a cold sore! I left the largest size of dish soap next to counter but MIL said those only needed a rinse.
- Seeing the Capitol and asking what they do in there. My husband said its the american version of Parliament and that seemed to satisfy.
- Spending only 90 minutes in Air & Space Museum b/c "they saw everything"
- Asking why we tipped so much at restaurants
- Even in the capital city of the most powerful nation on earth, buildings / exhibits of global importance are less interesting than a homeless woman living in the cemetery behind the house and would ask me every day if I had seen her yet
- MIL: Please don't do any laundry for me, I prefer to take the dirty stuff back home and do it when I get there
Me: why would you do that?
MIL: I don't like drying clothes in the dryer, I like to leave them outside (where it takes hours to dry?!?)

Its over for another few years, but probably by then they'll be "too old" to travel (their words).

I think in much of england, you do not tip at meals. So I can understand the tip question.

[Anonymous]

OP, do you have ANY sense of cultural norms in England? Have you ever even visited? I'm not surprised by any of their comments, but it's pretty shocking you would be, and that you have so little tolerance for your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As my grandfather would say "obviously you haven't lived through a war". He would say this because:
- I waste paper towels. Either you tear off a tiny bit or you let them dry and reuse them.
- I don't eat the fat on meat.
- I wash dishes when they aren't that dirty and all you need to do is rinse them and wipe them with your thumb.
- I peel apples.
- I have a dryer (he lived in the UK where no one has a dryer).

The list goes on. He was orphaned at age 17 during the first year of World War II. Whenever he told me "you haven't lived through a war" I'd chuckle and tell him you're right I'm lucky.

.

Didn't we just live through two wars?

Please tell me that you don't really think the home front experience of the wars on terror are the same as living in the European theater of WWII?

[Anonymous]

Good for them for line drying!


That said, just reading the phrase, "10 day staycation with ILs" made my stomach clench up.

[Anonymous]

You've got my sympathy with the cold sore and mug rinsing and Air & Space Museum but otherwise, you do sound rather mean.

Hopefully your migraine improves!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I only wish this was the extent of the "poor behavior" of my inlaws when they come for a visit.

+1

Try to keep things in perspective, OP. IF they are warm and welcoming in action (not just words), then seriously, be grateful. I hate telling a DIL to "be grateful", because it sounds like something a hag "know it all who knows nothing" MIL would say. But do your best and try to appreciate (for example) what they try (at least if they try!) to do for you and your family; that they like spending time with you (they like themselves); they enjoy their grandchildren (they likes being a parent, and take joy in all, not just select, grandchildren).....

Just some examples. I know it is difficult. But if they do not resent you, they are good people, deep down.

My MIL has tons of issues, that just get worse with age. She needs a scapegoat, and I am not it.

[Anonymous]

One of the hardest thing sot do is to learn how to talk to your ILs in a way they won't take it as a personal affront.

ITA with PP who said they might not care to tour as much as you think. Also, with regard to the cups, ITA that they are messy. My ILs are the same way - it drives me nuts, but thankfully, I don't have to live with them

Maybe you could say "I got it" - when they try to put the dirty cups back?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They were here 10 days and honestly, I felt like I had a 10 day long migraine. I was exhausted with all the moaning/bitching and driving around....
We had not seen them for 2 years (they live in UK) and they came to see our new home. They have been here 4 times but they act like each time is the first time. They are only 70 and 65 but act like they are 100 years old.
I understand not everyone has the same levels of hygiene, education or common sense, but seriously?

Some of the gems from last week:

- "Rinsing" mugs and plates with just water and putting them back in cupboard. Apparently butter and coffee stains on your dishes is a-ok. Especially when FIL has a cold sore! I left the largest size of dish soap next to counter but MIL said those only needed a rinse.
- Seeing the Capitol and asking what they do in there. My husband said its the american version of Parliament and that seemed to satisfy.
- Spending only 90 minutes in Air & Space Museum b/c "they saw everything"
- Asking why we tipped so much at restaurants
- Even in the capital city of the most powerful nation on earth, buildings / exhibits of global importance are less interesting than a homeless woman living in the cemetery behind the house and would ask me every day if I had seen her yet
- MIL: Please don't do any laundry for me, I prefer to take the dirty stuff back home and do it when I get there
Me: why would you do that?
MIL: I don't like drying clothes in the dryer, I like to leave them outside (where it takes hours to dry?!?)

Its over for another few years, but probably by then they'll be "too old" to travel (their words).

OP, FWIW, I think you're funny! You are not a bitch at all. You just got annoyed and its ok. I'm glad you came here to vent.

[Anonymous]

Your ILs sound awesome.

I have very nice ILs - except for one thing. They are not used to doing anything.

Mine do not do any dishes, meals, laundry when they come to visit.
They usually stay for a few months. They do not eat left overs. They want me to make their beds every day, change sheets every week. They expect me to wipe down and sanitize their bathrooms everyday. Change towels everyday.

They expect to be taken for shopping or an outing everyday.

They expect food to be served with full table setting... you get the drift. They would fit in very well in a full service resort.

The only saving grace is that they visit once in two years.

Inspite of all these things - I have a good relationship with my ILs. They are old people with set ways, I cannot change them. All I can do is do as much a I can manage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your ILs sound awesome.

I have very nice ILs - except for one thing. They are not used to doing anything.

Mine do not do any dishes, meals, laundry when they come to visit.
They usually stay for a few months. They do not eat left overs. They want me to make their beds every day, change sheets every week. They expect me to wipe down and sanitize their bathrooms everyday. Change towels everyday.

They expect to be taken for shopping or an outing everyday.

They expect food to be served with full table setting... you get the drift. They would fit in very well in a full service resort.

The only saving grace is that they visit once in two years.

Inspite of all these things - I have a good relationship with my ILs. They are old people with set ways, I cannot change them. All I can do is do as much a I can manage.

I just...how do you have the patience? Do you do all this work for them everyday? I could not do it.

[Anonymous]

Even as a child of "the capital city of the most powerful nation on earth", I think it's rather odd that you would feel the need to point this out so intensely. They grew up with stories of an Empire.

They sound super low maintenance. Our congressional set up is easily described as our version of their Parliament. Ninety minutes at the Air and Space would kill me, 40 is my absolute limit. Do your own dishes and stop policing guests about how they choose to launder clothing.

Take a moment to thank god for your problems. These are marvelous issues. Easily resolved.

[Anonymous]

When I was first married, I would try to cook for my MIL. She mainly likes to eat food from her country of origin, so I would cook something for her. (I am not from there.) She would taste it, tell me exactly what was wrong with it, and then refuse to eat it. Now I just cook what my family usually eats, and MIL chooses to eat PBJ and eggs with toast every day.