This is the 1st time DH and I have had opposite views on something important/ personal value

[Anonymous]

Wait, OP, do either of you have any family in the DC area?

I see a big difference between having family that can drop in any time (ie <30 minutes-1 hr away) vs family that is 3-4 hrs away (ie what you have now.)

I see less of a difference between being 3-4 hrs away vs a short plane right (1-3 hrs), which seems to be what you are talking about.

Are you sure this is about the family thing, or is the culture? I know my husband would never move to the south because he hates the culture. I have some family there and totally back him on that. But we're clear what the argument is about.

You can have a conflict, but you should understand your own and the other's position. If you are clear on the issues, perhaps they will be easier to address.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait, OP, do either of you have any family in the DC area?

I see a big difference between having family that can drop in any time (ie <30 minutes-1 hr away) vs family that is 3-4 hrs away (ie what you have now.)

I see less of a difference between being 3-4 hrs away vs a short plane right (1-3 hrs), which seems to be what you are talking about.

Are you sure this is about the family thing, or is the culture? I know my husband would never move to the south because he hates the culture. I have some family there and totally back him on that. But we're clear what the argument is about.

You can have a conflict, but you should understand your own and the other's position. If you are clear on the issues, perhaps they will be easier to address.

No family anywhere near here. His family is a 1.5 hour flight plus a 2 hour drive (rural- he has no desire to live anywhere like that again), my family is a 5 hour drive (NY) or 1 hour flight (sister in Boston). Places I would like to move would be anywhere from a 45 minute drive (outside Boston) to a 2.5 hour drive from both sets of parents as our hometowns are too small. So we wouldn't have the drop in factor as much. I am little confused about the family or culture thing. We don't really know southern culture beyond DC aside from visits quickly to friends in different areas- never been to NC either.

Thanks all for the responses. We aren't doomed and we know that its just hard and I guess marriage isn't always going to be super duper easy, so 6 years that way is a pretty good start.

[Anonymous]

NP here. My DH totally romanticizes the south too! I have relatives in Tennessee and Arkansas and every time we visit, he wants to move there. Cheaper COL, no urban elites (not that we're not urban elite - he just doesn't like the attitude), life revolves around college football, etc. The better weather doesn't hurt either.

You've already gotten this advice, but just hang in there and keep talking about the issues. No need to make decisions now. We relocated to this area recently because I'm from here originally, my parents are still around and able to help, and we wanted to have a second child and thought we would want/need the help. We found that a newborn/baby was doable, but a school-age child, and/or the prospect of two children, made us see that we could use help. It was a long conversation though, and not the easiest because our jobs really aren't as mobile as what you describe, particularly DH's.

It is fortunate for us that we're both on the same page about the priority being help with the kids and grandparent time. Every time he suggests picking up stakes and moving to Texas or wherever, I just remind him that that could be a great adventure, but we have family here that not there. We talk about changing our minds when the kids are older, or when my parents are gone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you might want to read about low-conflict marriages/relationships. Not fighting isn't necessarily a good thing and doesn't make it easier to resolve conflicts when they do arise. Sometimes people in high-conflict relationships are actually happier.

Ditto. I have many friends who never fight or argue with their husbands but it's clear they are either both or one of them is completely checked out.

[Anonymous]

OP, I completely understand wanting to leave out specific details on here for posterity's sake, however in doing so it makes it difficult for us readers to form an accurate response and give you adequate advice and/or input back to you since your post is quite broad.

I hope you understand.