"Vacation" with Il's

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you at least cut the trip down to 3 days even if they are staying a week? So tell them you can only go Saturday to Monday, and then for the rest of the week go off by yourselves to a nearby place (a different beach on the same coast) or a nearby city. Like if they are all in Bethany then go to Lewes or Cape May. Or if they are in San Diego then head up to LA. Would that work? It sounds like SIL's kids only stay for 3 days so you should too. Or at the very least, stay in your own condo! I could not imagine staying in the same place with other people for vacation. Ugh!

+1

[Anonymous]

It is so crowded and dirty on IL's vacation, I don't think I can do it anymore, in light of health reasons. Every time I come home from their "vacation", I am literally sick in bed for two weeks. It sucks.

[Anonymous]

OP, your in-laws sound dreadful.

Your DH needs to deal with this. And the way to deal with this would be (in my family): your DH needs to explains that his DW and dear kids are not joining him on the vacation this year. Or ever.

Vacation is extremely valuable -- not something you should stress out about!

But most telling of all is the reaction of your children. Listen to them and don't ruin their vacations.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you for your support! I can't stand the thought of it, even this many months away. After so many years of this, I am absolutely dreading it, so are our kids. DH too, but he would never admit it. I guess that's the real problem.

[Anonymous]

I am wondering if I wrote this post in my sleep somehow. My ILs do the same thing. The last time we went to see them, they had planned out the worst, least toddler-friendly vacation I've ever endured in my life. For instance, they became extremely upset that I refused to go to the Salton Sea with my toddler while pregnant and throwing up at strong smells (For those who don't know, Salton sea is a toxic, polluted hell hole that reeks of dead fish). That was only one instance, everything else was just as bad. Sushi restaurants for dinner, strenuous hikes with an 18 month old, hot springs where both kids and pregnant women are not allowed, etc.

That was the last time we will EVER go on vacation with them. They refuse to let us plan anything, won't take any of our input, and plan stuff THEY would like. They don't bother even thinking about their grandkids.

I know they mean well (probably just like your inlaws!), but honestly, just say no. They were pretty mad the first time I said no (and yes, DH the people pleaser just said we could bear it for a week), but now it's so much easier that they KNOW we won't go. And I did not bother explaining why. I just said that it's easier for us to plan our own vacations now, and that they're welcome to come with us of course.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am wondering if I wrote this post in my sleep somehow. My ILs do the same thing. The last time we went to see them, they had planned out the worst, least toddler-friendly vacation I've ever endured in my life. For instance, they became extremely upset that I refused to go to the Salton Sea with my toddler while pregnant and throwing up at strong smells (For those who don't know, Salton sea is a toxic, polluted hell hole that reeks of dead fish). That was only one instance, everything else was just as bad. Sushi restaurants for dinner, strenuous hikes with an 18 month old, hot springs where both kids and pregnant women are not allowed, etc.

That was the last time we will EVER go on vacation with them. They refuse to let us plan anything, won't take any of our input, and plan stuff THEY would like. They don't bother even thinking about their grandkids.

I know they mean well (probably just like your inlaws!), but honestly, just say no. They were pretty mad the first time I said no (and yes, DH the people pleaser just said we could bear it for a week), but now it's so much easier that they KNOW we won't go. And I did not bother explaining why. I just said that it's easier for us to plan our own vacations now, and that they're welcome to come with us of course.

/
It's like ripping off a band-aid. Say no once, and the next time it will be much easier. So what if they think you're a jerk? Big deal. They're behaving like jerks and everyone has a shit time. Do your own thing!

[Anonymous]

I like the "band aid" analogy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

They would never go with a long weekend idea. But I guess that would be their problem. The issue I am trying to get around, is that MIL checks with SILs for their desirable vacation date, based around their other (!!!) vacations, and contrived excuses. So we get no say, because that is how MIL wants it. The place and date change every year, but are approximately the same.....

...SILs children became REALLY, REALLY angry at the suggestion of our children (corresponding genders) sharing a room with them; as MIL insists on putting our children together, in spite of the fact that they are DEFINITELY, and very obviously, too old to have mixed gender rooms.

I dont understand the room sharing problem either. My brother and I shared rooms and often even a bed on most family vacations. We changed in the bathroom when we got modest. We used to love having mixed gender sleepovers with our cousins, too. What exactly is the problem?

[Anonymous]

Would you be offended if everyone has grown children, yet yours were the only ones expected to share a room? With strangers who are visiting (one stranger have a propensity for violence and violent outbursts)?

Yeah, that's what I thought. Get back to me when your vacation sucks.