Help me to forget it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, she stayed over ON YOUR WEDDING NIGHT? That takes the cake.

+1. I hope you had loud screaming sex all night long, complete with bed and wall pounding.

You made my day, PP. I just have to laugh after reading this. And no, we didn't have sex that night. I didn't even know when DH came in to sleep. I felt asleep first because they had the talk that not inviting me (although I was just standing around when it is started and they just ignored me).

12:38 PP, I think so. I think I would feel better if she does but she has known as "no-sorry" person when someone points out that she is wrong or inappropriate (according to DH). I was thinking of talking to DH to let it out of my head but like I said he most likely going to defend for his mother, like "she did this because xyz, she didn't mean to blah blah blah".

12:27 PP, DH is from HongKong but they have been here for 25+ years. I don't think whatever she did is kind of culture thing. I know some general stuff about Chinese culture but not deeply. Maybe I am wrong and this is normal to her!

10:49 PP, she is kind and caring but I think it is the boundaries issue. I am not sure how to start on this. She seems to respect my choices upfront but really it doesn't matter, she will do what she wants anyway. For example, she asked me "Do you want to give her this drink?" I said "I need to dilute the drink first mom, it is too sweet for her." Then she said "It is all natural, I didn't add sugar". I said "Yes, I know but it is still too sweet for a toddler" then she went on about the same "natural" thing like I didn't understand what she said. After DD finished the diluted drink, she gave her more of the original sweet one!. This is just a small example.

[Anonymous]

Have you borrowed money before and not paid her back ? I agree it was not necessary to open your gifts ( that's bizarre) but she must have had a reason.

As far as staying with you, did she come in from out of town? Was she staying with you before the wedding?

[Anonymous]

You need to grow up

[Anonymous]

There's an expression: When someone shows/tells you who they really are, believe them.

Your MIL has told and shown you that she has no boundaries. Your husband has shown you he has no boundaries with his mom. Now it's up to you to decide what to do with that info.

I agree with others in that you have to let it go (from the wedding). But that doesn't mean you don't remember and know that's how she - and he - will act in the future. And so, in times when it is important to you, you plan in advance how to have things work so that you're not in a similar situation. Whether it's talking things through with husband, or making decisions in a way she can't undermine, all you do is protect yourself - and child - as best as possible.

[Anonymous]

Thank you so much PP 14:14. Your post is really helpful. I will keep that in mind.

To PP 14:05. That was the only time we borrowed money from her and DH had always pay back monthly a set amount that they agreed. And no, she is not from out of town. Her place is 30 min of driving away. She was in our house the night before the wedding. It wasn't necessary but I can't remember who decision was that she stayed.

[Anonymous]

If you feel like your boundaries were crossed and you were disrespected, treat her as the person she is. Stand up for yourself, protect yourself in any further interactions with her.

If DH won't stand by you, that is another issue that needs exploring..and compassion. counseling maybe?

If you ever want to reconnect with MIL, and want to rebuild the relationship, I don't think it would be bad of you to be honest with her, but I would use "I" statements and just express how hurt you were by her behavior.