Obligated to have visits with not nice in-laws when there is a new baby?

[Anonymous]

OP sounds like a passive-aggressive bitch.

And a flake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP sounds like a passive-aggressive bitch.

And a flake.

Welcome to DCUM, OP's MIL!

[Anonymous]

OP, you owe MIL nothing. Talk to DH and see how he feels, but you also need to stand up to MIL.

Additionally, it doesn't matter how she treats your son. What matters is how she treats you and DH. If she can't treat you and DH appropriately (AKA the opposite of what you've outlined in your post), then she shouldn't get to spend time alone with your son.

If she doesn't like weekend visits or a hotel, then tough luck for her. Tell her that's all you can do and hopefully another weekend in the future will work out for her to come visit while staying at a hotel. You can also explain to her why you have these boundaries, but I've dealt with people like her before and that only makes it worse. But don't let her dictate when and how long she stays with you.

[Anonymous]

If she's not asking why are you offering?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP sounds like a passive-aggressive bitch.

And a flake.

Is there one person who just hops from post to post calling OP a bitch, nagging, a nightmare, a terror of a parent - for no apparent reason? So helpful. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been married 10 years. My in-laws live in Florida. They have never been nice to me, create stress and drama all the time, and don't like me, and I don't like spending time with them. Previously we have seen them once or maybe twice a year, which is plenty. Now we have an infant (their first and only grandchild) and I feel obligated to visit with the in-laws even though the visits always turn out stressful and awful and there is always so much drama.

The main issue is visits with MIL. MIL came when the baby was born, then visited for a week when baby was 3 months, and now baby is 8 months and I feel like I owe her another visit. The problem is if she visits us she always stays for a week (which is way too long), because she doesn't believe in weekend visits, and DH never takes any vacation time, and he works 12 hour days, so I am stuck entertaining MIL for 12 hours per day and she and I don't get along, so it's always a stressful visit and she spends the whole time criticizing me and my housekeeping, parenting skills, etc.

So I was thinking maybe the best idea is a vacation together somewhere--that way MIL can see her grandchild but I won't have to host her at our house along with all the stress that comes with that.

However, DH and I have not been on a single vacation in 3 years. We need this to be a fun and relaxing vacation. He has a vacation week that we'd like to use to go somewhere coming up.

However, should I feel obligated to invite MIL on this vacation, if not for the whole week then for a few days so she can see her only grandchild? For as much as she doesn't like me and is not nice to me, she is a very loving grandmother and adores her grandchild. She hasn't seen her grandchild in 5 months, so I feel like I owe her a visit. However, for 3 of those months, MIL decided not to speak to us because she was holding a grudge about something. Should I feel like we are obligated to invite her on this much needed vacation?

Thanksgiving is another option--we don't typically celebrate holidays with my in-laws (because when we have in the past MIL has created drama and the holidays have been awful). I was thinking for Thanksgiving we could invite them to a resort somewhere and spend Thanksgiving there, however, then it will have been 7 months since MIL saw her grandchild and maybe that's too long?

Any advice?

Oh my gosh I could have written much of this myself! My MIL treats me the same way. I wouldn't do a vacation with her unless you can utilize her to babysit so you and hubby can go out for a few dinners and get a break here and there during the day. Even if you do invite her invite her for a few days and make it clear what days she is coming. Maybe 2-3? Ask if she wouldn't mind watching the baby while you and hubby get some quality time together before she comes. Other option is once in a while do Thanksgiving or a holiday with her. Times flies during the holidays plus hubby would be around more I assume to break up the visit a bit. Good luck.