What's in a name....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Guy here--

I won't marry anyone who won't take my last time? Don't like it? Don't marry me.

Glad my husband is not as insecure as you are.

[Anonymous]

My husband did not care whether I changed my name or not. I did, mostly because my maiden name is long and eastern european and I'd already spent enough of my life correcting its spelling and pronunciation. Patriarchy aside, I really enjoy the convenience and efficiency of a one-syllable anglo last name. If I had been published or had a professional rep I might have also kept it for similar reasons of convenience. It's just a superficial thing and doesn't change me as a person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'll bet most of you who didn't take your husband's name still took an engagement ring. Overcoming sexist traditions can't be taken too far, you know.

Not me. No name change and no engagement ring. Also, no big wedding. I have no problem with people getting engagement jewellery, changing their names or having big weddings but it's just not my thing. We have so many other things which we enjoy spending our money on much more than a big rock or a big wedding. Also, I'd feel really nervous wearing that much money on my finger. But to each their own.

I have a couple of male friends who have changed their names when they got married. No reason, apart from tradition, that it has to be the woman who does this. And one of my friends gave her husband an "engagement watch."

[Anonymous]

Yes. I always wanted to be a "Mrs." It seemed like a part of becoming a family to me. I would never be Mrs. Maidenname.

[Anonymous]

I kept my name for three years and THEN changed it. For me, it had more to do with having kids.

I will say I didn't understand women who took their husband's names AT ALL before this. I thought they were sell outs. But when it happened to me, I finally wised up and understood that it's a very personal decision. It's definitely not a one-size-fits-all kind of thing. So I apologize belatedly for my close minded attitude (which fortunately I never voiced to anyone).

[Anonymous]

No. I have my degrees and professional licenses in my name, and I didn't want the hassle of changing everything, but more importantly, my name is just....my name. I don't think of it as "my father's name" (my husband is a III, so he literally has his father's name), I think of it as my name. My husband said he always thought it was kind of weird that women changed their names at marriage. He has lots of friends from various countries (including the US) who didn't.

Our child has his last name (I chose the first and middle names, and the middle name is a family name on my mom's side). It has caused zero problems. We are just the Smith-Jones family.

[Anonymous]

No. Why should I change my name at age 30? It's my identity. It seems old-fashioned to me, but I can see the appeal of a couple having the same name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. I have my degrees and professional licenses in my name, and I didn't want the hassle of changing everything, but more importantly, my name is just....my name. I don't think of it as "my father's name" (my husband is a III, so he literally has his father's name), I think of it as my name. My husband said he always thought it was kind of weird that women changed their names at marriage. He has lots of friends from various countries (including the US) who didn't.

Our child has his last name (I chose the first and middle names, and the middle name is a family name on my mom's side). It has caused zero problems. We are just the Smith-Jones family.

I agree: I don't think of it as my father's name, although I do like sharing the name with my cousins, grandparents, etc.
DH and I do Smith/Jones family so there's no confusion about whether anyone's name is hyphenated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Guy here--

I won't marry anyone who won't take my last time? Don't like it? Don't marry me.

Why wouldn't you take your wife's last name? (PS, I wouldn't marry you unless you would consider taking mine as seriously as you expect me to consider taking yours.)

[Anonymous]

For those that chose not to change their names because of the connection to their biological families, what about the new connection with your husband and future children?

[Anonymous]

My husband kept his name, I kept my name, and our son carries my last name. It works for us because we both prefer my last name. He was married before and his ex still uses his last name, which is bizarre since she's been married and divorced again, but whatever...I really wasn't interested in being Mrs. Hisname, but it sealed the deal that there was already a Mrs. Hisname in the world.

The only confusion this has ever caused is that my extended family, which is Irish Catholic and very traditional, addresses all mail to my son as Son Hisname. It has never occurred to them that it would be otherwise; it's not an intentional mistake. We're trying to figure out if we can address it somehow in our Christmas cards this year. Either way, though, it's not a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those that chose not to change their names because of the connection to their biological families, what about the new connection with your husband and future children?

My child carries my (DW) last name. I like the idea of the whole family having the same name, and if my husband would like to change his to mine, that would be lovely. But we don't all have to have the same name if I would rather not change and he would rather not change. We're still a family, just as I would still be part of my family if I changed my name and he would still be part of his family if he changed his.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The overwhelming majority of women in the US still take their husband's names:

http://nymag.com/thecut/2013/02/more-women-are-taking-husbands-names-sort-of.html

The prevalence of women keeping their names on DCUM indicates how nonrepresentative DCUM is of the average woman.

We are also better educated, make more money, marry later (if at all) and have kids later than the 'average' woman.

[Anonymous]

Saw no reason to change my name but would have changed it had my DH wanted to change his to a hyphenated/different name. Our kids have hyphenated names with mine coming first. We've been married 18 years and our oldest is 15. We've never had a problem with travel, hospitals (even overseas) or schools. In this day and age with so many blended families with differing names, I'm surprised anyone would use 'to avoid hassle' as a reason to change their names.

[Anonymous]

Kept my name.

1) All the women in my family have kept their own names starting with my paternal grandmother. Changing wasn't something I seriously considered ever.

2) Publications are already in my name

3) My DH had no interest in me taking his name. He actually respects professional women a bit less when they do take on their husband's name (a little...of course, nbd either way)

We gave our children my husband's name because before kids I said that would be fine and didn't care enough to take it back later. BUT I miss them having my name. They were both in the NICU for several weeks before coming home and had my name there. It was hard to give up having them associated with me in such an obvious and, it turns out, intimate feeling way. But too late now and that's okay.

I've been surprised over the years re: who changes and who keeps. Friends I thought were more traditional and "man" focused have kept their own names and friends I thought would never consider changing their names have done it right away.