Another Wedding Question: how much does it cost?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We flew around 130 guests to the Maldives for our wedding. It cost around $1.4 million but was well worth it.

How come you didn't invite me?

[Anonymous]

W hotel with 125-130 people 4 years ago- venue itself was about 55,000-my parents paid. My DH and I paid for everything else- dress, shoes, tux, photographer,ect. Probably another 30,000.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
In general, when couples want a "destination wedding" they are expecting their guests to foot their own travel/accommodation costs. That is why a lot of people tend to get upset when people talk about "destination weddings" because it is really a pretty selfish thing for a bride and groom to expect everyone else to spend so much money just to attend the couple's "special day."

I always thought that one of the reasons for having a destination wedding was to be able to invite people as courtesy may demand but know that the numbers who come would be limited thereby keeping the event small and probably limited to just people who really care enough to attend the wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
In general, when couples want a "destination wedding" they are expecting their guests to foot their own travel/accommodation costs. That is why a lot of people tend to get upset when people talk about "destination weddings" because it is really a pretty selfish thing for a bride and groom to expect everyone else to spend so much money just to attend the couple's "special day."

I always thought that one of the reasons for having a destination wedding was to be able to invite people as courtesy may demand but know that the numbers who come would be limited thereby keeping the event small and probably limited to just people who really care enough to attend the wedding.

That may be one of the reasons why couples do it, but it is still pretty selfish to "demand" people who do really care enough spend tons of money. For example, if one of my siblings was to get married now, of course I really care enough to attend. But if they were to have a destination wedding to Maldives, there is NO WAY I could afford to go. Dh and I have several children, and he is just now getting back to work after a long period of unemployment that really ate through our emergency savings. Because it is a sibling, I would probably feel obligated to go and incur a ton of credit card debt just to go.

[Anonymous]

^^PP, you should not feel obligated. If your sibling wants an expensive wedding, then they have to know they're making it unaffordable for some. Even siblings. Destination weddings are ALL about the couple. More local weddings (at least local for some) are more about celebrating with friends and family.

I'm shocked at some of the amounts people spend on their wedding. I'm sure they were beautiful, but it's still a hell of a lot of money.

[Anonymous]

It varies SO much! A friend of mine and I had what I think were very similar weddings. Hers was 80k, mine was 40k. She had lots of upgrades (Out of season flowers etc) and extra touches, but mine wasn't missing anything major - 220 people, sit down dinner, open bar, massive cocktail hour etc.

My parents told us the budget, and we stuck with it. If we went over, it was on us, but we were smart enough to make it work! If we had a truly unlimited budget there are things I might have done slightly differently, but for the most part everything was perfect. 7 years and 2 kids later, I have wonderful memories of my wedding and no regrets, but realize that it was a sh!t ton of money for one day!

[Anonymous]

I think the average wedding now is 27k, in DC it's more like 45k. Most (middle class comfy) parent I know have given their daughters 20-25k. Sometimes the groom's family picks up the other half, but normally not.

We saved for our own wedding.

[Anonymous]

Mine was about $50K all in, for 140 guests ten years ago. It was not in DC, but a similar type of city. That included everything except the honeymoon and my engagement ring (I have no idea what those cost).

This was not an "all-inclusive" type place like a hotel - we rented the space, then brought in our own catering, bar, DJ, etc. That gave some opportunity to save money, but it can also get crazy expensive if you're not careful. We had a buffet dinner, open bar, DJ instead of a band, moderate flowers, and an awesome photographer. Dress was about $2K. I could easily see it getting up to $100K if you go with plated dinner, band, fancier flower arrangements, and a high-end designer dress.

As for budgeting - my parents gave us a fixed amount. They did not get involved in budgeting individual items. If we spent less (ha!), the leftover was ours to keep. If we went over, we had to pitch in the rest. We drew up the budget in the beginning, including their gift and some of our own money, and pretty much stuck to it.

[Anonymous]

Mine was $50k too, for a non-hotel venue in DC for 150 guests. That amt included my dress ($2500), open bar, modest cocktail hour, plated dinner, band, flowers, photographer, shuttle from the hotel afterwards, probably some things I'm forgetting about. We did a couple things to save costs, i.e., bought flowers wholesale and put them into arrangements in my mom's garage, family friend photographer who cut us a deal. Most of the expense was the catering and the food specifically, not even the alcohol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mine was $50k too, for a non-hotel venue in DC for 150 guests. That amt included my dress ($2500), open bar, modest cocktail hour, plated dinner, band, flowers, photographer, shuttle from the hotel afterwards, probably some things I'm forgetting about. We did a couple things to save costs, i.e., bought flowers wholesale and put them into arrangements in my mom's garage, family friend photographer who cut us a deal. Most of the expense was the catering and the food specifically, not even the alcohol.

Oh and this was 4 years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a guest trying to figure out how much we should give as a gift....

I don't base my gift on what I think the wedding cost. The couple decides what kind of wedding they want, based on their own tastes and budgets. I choose my gift based on my budget and how close I am to the couple. The bride and groom (or their parents) spending more money doesn't obligate me to spend more money. If anything, I might give more money to a couple that has a less expensive wedding if I know they actually need the money more than the couple having the $100K extravaganza.

[Anonymous]

For those spending $75k+, or any amount, are event planners common today? And they charge some % of the event or by the hour?

[Anonymous]

Mine was about $12k about 10 years ago in Boston. We were working for cost effective. Parents gave us $10k each and let us keep the balance. Friend who is wedding photographer donated services. Dress I loved was under $200. About 65 guests, had hoped for 100. Lovely lovely day.

[Anonymous]

We did a destination wedding overseas and thought only close family members would come. We were thinking maybe 20 people would come. 80 ended up attending. I think a lot of people like the idea of a vacation/wedding combo - gives them a reason to visit a new place.

BTW, we did The Maldives on the honeymoon. Totally overrated.

[Anonymous]

about 50k, boutique DC hotel, 7 years ago.