Have you fallen out of love with your spouse and contend with just being each others' companion?

[Anonymous]

I would probably leave wife the day after kids are out of the door. So many in-compatibilities and so much frustration even though we seldom fight.

I have given divorce serious thoughts. However, since kids are still young (plus one has a medical condition that can be serious if not treated) and she is incapable of taking care of kids alone, the divorce is not an option.

Just hate it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really don't know how someone can be in love after 10, 20, 30 years. Deep care or like and being comfortable in our skin area them maybe? In love is for young and new IMHO.

Not true at all. DH and I together 12 years and totally still in love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would probably leave wife the day after kids are out of the door. So many in-compatibilities and so much frustration even though we seldom fight.

I have given divorce serious thoughts. However, since kids are still young (plus one has a medical condition that can be serious if not treated) and she is incapable of taking care of kids alone, the divorce is not an option.

Just hate it.

Have less than two years to go before I leave and wife knows it. Actually very sad about it knowing two people who once loved each other and took a vow see the world and future completely differently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find this so sad. My wife and I are best friends. My life would be empty without her.

She's actually out of town now, and we've talked 2-3 times a day since she left. In between, I miss her. And this is the first time we've been apart in ... I don't know how long.

I think so many couples expect that kind of relationship to happen naturally, but it doesn't. You have to make room for your spouse in your life. You have to make him/her your first priority. Too many of you seem to focus exclusively on your kids and/or your job. You relegate your spouse to a partner in home maintenance and child rearing. So you drift apart.

Once upon a time, you wanted to be with this person more than anything. The only thing that changed was you.

It takes two.

[Anonymous]

It only works if both people evolve in that direction at the same time. I can't claim to say how often that actually happens.

[Anonymous]

Still in love 15 years married. Were just smiling at each other over the dinner table when we were recounting horrible vacation stories to the kids and laughing about them. He texted me this morning to say, "I love you," since he went to work early.

[Anonymous]

Only tolerate him. Would be better off alone. Can't muster the energy to leave, but should. Married 26 years. Almost half my life. Knew it wasn't good shortly after second child was born.

[Anonymous]

Don't know if I'm in love still. Might be depressed and not feeling much of anything.

[Anonymous]

Just learned brother in law is divorcing sister in law after 36 years ... Their kids just finished college and he was waiting until then. Sort of strange, as they seem to get along fine ... Just no spark for years. I think he has pretty unrealistic expectations about how much "better" his life is now going to be, but I am female so my perspective is biased. The wife, on the other hand, will have a much happier life not cooking and caring for this chauvinist guy ... Ah, the irony!!

[Anonymous]

Married almost 30 years -- and we're both still in love. But we married each other because we really liked each other -- that was were the love came from.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry to go off topic, but has your wife actually read the book Auntie Mame? As good as the movie was (with Rosalind Russell) the book is even more hilarious! It would make a good present ...

I actually don't know if she has read Auntie Mame, but the musical is one of her favorites (we are both musical theater performers). She was in the show many years ago.

Alas, buying her the book is not a great option for us now. My wife is visually impaired and reading is difficult. She has to read a lot for work so I bought her a 32-in monitor so that she can use zoomtext to help her read but outsize of that, bills, forms, etc, she no longer reads for entertainment. For entertainment we get her audiobooks and the audiobook version of of Auntie Mame is out of print. Used copies are over $200, so it's not likely that I'll be able to get her this soon. I used to get some books in print and read to her, but we haven't done that since out toddlers were born. Maybe in another few years, it would be a good gift...

But it was a very thoughtful idea. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Marriage is definitely different after more than 18 years together. I remember that "in love" phase, but I don't really feel it any more. It's a high, like crack, but it doesn't last. That's why so many people get divorced. The high ends, and they are stuck with some stranger! DH and I get along very well, laugh at the same things, have so much history together. Marriage isn't easy, but it's a choice too, OP.

[Anonymous]

Alas, buying her the book is not a great option for us now. My wife is visually impaired and reading is difficult. She has to read a lot for work so I bought her a 32-in monitor so that she can use zoomtext to help her read but outsize of that, bills, forms, etc, she no longer reads for entertainment. For entertainment we get her audiobooks and the audiobook version of of Auntie Mame is out of print. Used copies are over $200, so it's not likely that I'll be able to get her this soon. I used to get some books in print and read to her, but we haven't done that since out toddlers were born. Maybe in another few years, it would be a good gift...

Does your wife have a membership in Learning Ally? http://www.learningally.org/audiobook-membership/?gclid=CNGFmdnO-L8CFSxk7AodHRMAbg
$119/year. All the audio books she can download for free, including if she wants to download kids books. Many of the newer books have the text feature and you can turn off the voice function and she can read to them or they can listen together.

The DC Public Library does not have the audiobook of Auntie Mame. They have the downloadable book though, if she wants to read on her monitor. (But it's hard to read with toddlers around anyway. )

Oh and the Auntie Mame audiobook (if you don't mind cassettes) is on amazon for $25: http://www.amazon.com/Auntie-Patrick-Special-Library-Cassettes/dp/B000FVW8EU/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1407121314&sr=1-2&keywords=auntie+mame+audiobook

[Anonymous]

He has a great relationship with his buddies and large family and I have a great relationship with our young adult children and my friends. The marriage died when the kids were in elementary school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find this so sad. My wife and I are best friends. My life would be empty without her.

She's actually out of town now, and we've talked 2-3 times a day since she left. In between, I miss her. And this is the first time we've been apart in ... I don't know how long.

I think so many couples expect that kind of relationship to happen naturally, but it doesn't. You have to make room for your spouse in your life. You have to make him/her your first priority. Too many of you seem to focus exclusively on your kids and/or your job. You relegate your spouse to a partner in home maintenance and child rearing. So you drift apart.

Once upon a time, you wanted to be with this person more than anything. The only thing that changed was you.

This doesn't sound like you are in love. maybe you are but this is not an example of it. Being in love means thinking with passion about that person all the time. I don't know how anyone can be in love for many years.