How do I deal with mean facebooking from family

[Anonymous]

OP here - thanks for the advice to ignore and walk away. I need to hear it, so I don't get sucked in. Yes, my SIL's posts are pretty obvious, otherwise I wouldn't even notice. I understand people have favorites. But, when you have two grandmothers and you reference a favorite "grandmother" publicly on facebook, when both grandmothers adore the child and shower her with attention, then you are just being a jerk. For those who say they do this unintentionally, I think you lack social skills. FWIW, my SIL has posted more obvious posts about my family being insensitive. Nevertheless, I agree that I should act like an adult and not get caught up in this nonsense. I should just ignore and walk away. Thanks for setting me straight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I might be your SIL. I'm not mean and I don't do it to hurt anyone's feelings, but my parents and fam are in the area, so hence, there are a number of postings of DD with Gm or whatever and occasionally labeled "best Meemaw ever" (i carefully use the "Gm" name given to my mom, at least most of the time). Also, my fam goes above and beyond for us and our kids, babysitting, and tons more. They are our rock. Our in laws sweep in twice a year with a hundred demands and then expect to be waiting on and taken out to fancy dinners. So, not much to post about with them.

I think your best response is to block (if it hurts your feelings) and then deflect your family members, Why on earth are they calling you? That sounds pretty catty and gossipy and immature to me and makes me wonder if your SIL is actually posting passive aggressive stuff on purpose to piss off the whole gang, because she knows how the gossip goes around... Just a thought...

I am not Fb friends with my MIL.

You do it to hurt people's feelings. Look at what you wrote. You have an agenda and you fulfill it on FB. Grow up! All of us have people we are closer to than others, but some of us don't feel the need to try to smear all over the internet in some kind of passive-aggressive way to hurt the feelings of others. What are you -- in the 8th grade?

NP here. I disagree with you. The PP wants to post about her life and the people close to her. Sounds like her in-laws aren't close. Unlike OPs situation, the PPs family aren't equally involved. That's just life. Doesn't mean she needs to refrain from posting about the day to day happenings or refrain from expressing love and appreciation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I might be your SIL. I'm not mean and I don't do it to hurt anyone's feelings, but my parents and fam are in the area, so hence, there are a number of postings of DD with Gm or whatever and occasionally labeled "best Meemaw ever" (i carefully use the "Gm" name given to my mom, at least most of the time). Also, my fam goes above and beyond for us and our kids, babysitting, and tons more. They are our rock. Our in laws sweep in twice a year with a hundred demands and then expect to be waiting on and taken out to fancy dinners. So, not much to post about with them.

I think your best response is to block (if it hurts your feelings) and then deflect your family members, Why on earth are they calling you? That sounds pretty catty and gossipy and immature to me and makes me wonder if your SIL is actually posting passive aggressive stuff on purpose to piss off the whole gang, because she knows how the gossip goes around... Just a thought...

I am not Fb friends with my MIL.

You do it to hurt people's feelings. Look at what you wrote. You have an agenda and you fulfill it on FB. Grow up! All of us have people we are closer to than others, but some of us don't feel the need to try to smear all over the internet in some kind of passive-aggressive way to hurt the feelings of others. What are you -- in the 8th grade?

NP here. I disagree with you. The PP wants to post about her life and the people close to her. Sounds like her in-laws aren't close. Unlike OPs situation, the PPs family aren't equally involved. That's just life. Doesn't mean she needs to refrain from posting about the day to day happenings or refrain from expressing love and appreciation.

You just don't get it. I am a grown ass woman
And I know whether or not something I post will hurt someone's feelings. My parents live closer and get to do more with my kids but I am not going to post that they are favorites or the best thing since sliced bread. I have enough discernment to know someone could get their feelings hurt even unintentionally. Plus grownups express gratitude in real life, not the interwebs!!

[Anonymous]

why the hell did your brother marry this lady

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I might be your SIL. I'm not mean and I don't do it to hurt anyone's feelings, but my parents and fam are in the area, so hence, there are a number of postings of DD with Gm or whatever and occasionally labeled "best Meemaw ever" (i carefully use the "Gm" name given to my mom, at least most of the time). Also, my fam goes above and beyond for us and our kids, babysitting, and tons more. They are our rock. Our in laws sweep in twice a year with a hundred demands and then expect to be waiting on and taken out to fancy dinners. So, not much to post about with them.

I think your best response is to block (if it hurts your feelings) and then deflect your family members, Why on earth are they calling you? That sounds pretty catty and gossipy and immature to me and makes me wonder if your SIL is actually posting passive aggressive stuff on purpose to piss off the whole gang, because she knows how the gossip goes around... Just a thought...

I am not Fb friends with my MIL.

You do it to hurt people's feelings. Look at what you wrote. You have an agenda and you fulfill it on FB. Grow up! All of us have people we are closer to than others, but some of us don't feel the need to try to smear all over the internet in some kind of passive-aggressive way to hurt the feelings of others. What are you -- in the 8th grade?

NP here. I disagree with you. The PP wants to post about her life and the people close to her. Sounds like her in-laws aren't close. Unlike OPs situation, the PPs family aren't equally involved. That's just life. Doesn't mean she needs to refrain from posting about the day to day happenings or refrain from expressing love and appreciation.

You just don't get it. I am a grown ass woman
And I know whether or not something I post will hurt someone's feelings. My parents live closer and get to do more with my kids but I am not going to post that they are favorites or the best thing since sliced bread. I have enough discernment to know someone could get their feelings hurt even unintentionally. Plus grownups express gratitude in real life, not the interwebs!!

I do get it. (Do adults say "grown ass woman"?) Grownups will realize they are far away and/or uninvolved and therefore would expect to see photos if the relatives who are nearby and/or more involved. I agree about using "favorite," but this PP doesn't do that. And she says "Meemaw"; if the other grandmother was around or more involved, PP would say "fabulous Grandma" or "best Nana." Uninvolved grandparents don't get the same positive comments for a reason. If that hurts their feelings, they should realize they need to change their behavior, and they can post their own photos.

I know posts can be emotionally laden. But OTOH, it's just Facebook, not a referendum on their worth as human beings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:why the hell did your brother marry this lady

She was probably really hot back in the day; dcum has taught me that men are awfully stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I might be your SIL. I'm not mean and I don't do it to hurt anyone's feelings, but my parents and fam are in the area, so hence, there are a number of postings of DD with Gm or whatever and occasionally labeled "best Meemaw ever" (i carefully use the "Gm" name given to my mom, at least most of the time). Also, my fam goes above and beyond for us and our kids, babysitting, and tons more. They are our rock. Our in laws sweep in twice a year with a hundred demands and then expect to be waiting on and taken out to fancy dinners. So, not much to post about with them.

I think your best response is to block (if it hurts your feelings) and then deflect your family members, Why on earth are they calling you? That sounds pretty catty and gossipy and immature to me and makes me wonder if your SIL is actually posting passive aggressive stuff on purpose to piss off the whole gang, because she knows how the gossip goes around... Just a thought...

I am not Fb friends with my MIL.

You do it to hurt people's feelings. Look at what you wrote. You have an agenda and you fulfill it on FB. Grow up! All of us have people we are closer to than others, but some of us don't feel the need to try to smear all over the internet in some kind of passive-aggressive way to hurt the feelings of others. What are you -- in the 8th grade?

NP here. I disagree with you. The PP wants to post about her life and the people close to her. Sounds like her in-laws aren't close. Unlike OPs situation, the PPs family aren't equally involved. That's just life. Doesn't mean she needs to refrain from posting about the day to day happenings or refrain from expressing love and appreciation.

You just don't get it. I am a grown ass woman
And I know whether or not something I post will hurt someone's feelings. My parents live closer and get to do more with my kids but I am not going to post that they are favorites or the best thing since sliced bread. I have enough discernment to know someone could get their feelings hurt even unintentionally. Plus grownups express gratitude in real life, not the interwebs!!

I do get it. (Do adults say "grown ass woman"?) Grownups will realize they are far away and/or uninvolved and therefore would expect to see photos if the relatives who are nearby and/or more involved. I agree about using "favorite," but this PP doesn't do that. And she says "Meemaw"; if the other grandmother was around or more involved, PP would say "fabulous Grandma" or "best Nana." Uninvolved grandparents don't get the same positive comments for a reason. If that hurts their feelings, they should realize they need to change their behavior, and they can post their own photos.

I know posts can be emotionally laden. But OTOH, it's just Facebook, not a referendum on their worth as human beings.

OMG!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Other family and friends think something is wrong and contact me. They tell me what she is posting. Furthermore, before I blocked her, I saw what she was posting in my newsfeed.

You have too much time on your hands, OP. Just don't entertain drama, you might get along better with her that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:why the hell did your brother marry this lady

She was probably really hot back in the day; dcum has taught me that men are awfully stupid.

Just because she is opposite you, OP, doesn't mean your brother isn't right in finding her redeeming qualities. Are you somehow threatened by her presence? By having another woman in the family? Does she make you look bad without even trying? Have you bothered to spend time with her, to get to know her? What do you *really* know about this girl, besides your criticisms? You sound like a cad.

Try to be hospitable, try to be gracious. It will get you more in life.

[Anonymous]

Facebook family poster here - who said I might be a bit like SIL... but honestly, why should Fb be "fair' or "equal" - I have at least 30 cousins who are my FB friends - they want to see my kids with my parents - they enjoy it. My brother surprised the kids with a moonbounce and then got in and jumped with them all afternoon - I posted that pic and wrote "best uncle ever" - should my other brother be offended? should my SIL be offended? its just a FB comment, not a life affirmation.

who are all these people that overreact to FB and then call the OP to complain. I think that's where the problem lies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Facebook family poster here - who said I might be a bit like SIL... but honestly, why should Fb be "fair' or "equal" - I have at least 30 cousins who are my FB friends - they want to see my kids with my parents - they enjoy it. My brother surprised the kids with a moonbounce and then got in and jumped with them all afternoon - I posted that pic and wrote "best uncle ever" - should my other brother be offended? should my SIL be offended? its just a FB comment, not a life affirmation.

who are all these people that overreact to FB and then call the OP to complain. I think that's where the problem lies.

Post all the pictures you want. But when you make declarations like "Grandma Jo is the bestest grandma in the world" or "Grandma Jo is Larla's favorite" that's not about documenting an event, it's about making a statement. Any emotionally savvy grownup can see that. One of my kids confided that he had a grandparent to whom he felt closer, but even at the age of 9, he was compassionate enough and savvy enough to tell me not to say anything because he did not want to hurt the feelings of the other grandparent. And to say the comments are not meant to be "life affirmation" is disingenuous. If you didn't think it meant anything you would not be doing it.
What does it hurt to just try not to play favorites or at least not show it? That's what people do when they are not interested in being passive-aggressive.

[Anonymous]

OP,

If you want to be seen as the bigger person here, when other people ask about it, you have to be reserved but imply that you're not stooping to her level.

This is what I do when my own mother (!) says crazy things behind my back to other family members.

[Anonymous]

And of course, don't engage at all with that woman. Don't read her posts, limit contact to the minimum, always be polite. It's the best way of getting to her

[Anonymous]

I think some people are reading waaaaay too much into comments people put on FB. I see people write stuff like the PP said, best uncle ever because of something they are doing at the time. I do not take this to mean they are the BEST UNCLE in the whole wide world. They are the best uncle at that point in time.

But honestly, I don't pay that much attention!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:why the hell did your brother marry this lady

She was probably really hot back in the day; dcum has taught me that men are awfully stupid.

or she was the first thing that came along and he didn't have the balls to call her out on her bad behavior