Not donating any money or sending in extra cash for teachers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I spent the whole first year of private thinking about this. Then I just di not do it. For one it is a stretch for us to afford the always-going-up tuition in the first place. Yet on the other hand, FA aid is given out to so many students that I don't think deserve it -- so many ways and means to get a break, none of which apply to me. Both are admin problems beyond our control. So, I just pass. Really did not notice one tiny bit of difference.

How in the world do you know who is on FA at your school in order to make a judgement on whether they deserve it or not?! It's such a closely guarded secret at our school that know one knows or, frankly for that matter, cares. Other people's finances aren't anyone's business. I'm shocked that there are people at some independent schools who actually discuss this. I'm quite involved at my kids' school and, in all the years I've been there, have never had a discussion or heard a discussion about a family's FA aid status. I don't get it.

To the OP - give or don't give. No one will care, but don't make such a big deal about it. Get off your soapbox and remember that all parents at private schools are burdened by the high tuition. You are not the only one paying full freight. The difference is that many other families learn the reasons the school needs additional funds. Also, if you're not willing to give money then at least offer to lend a hand with something - many things can be done at your office via email and will help the school out. Something tells me, though, that you will come up with an excuse as to why you can't help out...

[Anonymous]

OP, it seems that you cannot afford this fancy private school. Why not send your kid to a less expensive school. Then you can "chip in" like everyone else.

[Anonymous]

Give or don't give. Either way your attitude will show and that's what will get you branded.

[Anonymous]

Troll.

[Anonymous]

After reading this thread, I decided to make a second small donation to our school this year. I realized that my feelings were completely the opposite of the OP, and I wanted to show how much I appreciate the education that my children are receiving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I spent the whole first year of private thinking about this. Then I just di not do it. For one it is a stretch for us to afford the always-going-up tuition in the first place. Yet on the other hand, FA aid is given out to so many students that I don't think deserve it -- so many ways and means to get a break, none of which apply to me. Both are admin problems beyond our control. So, I just pass. Really did not notice one tiny bit of difference.

How in the world do you know who is on FA at your school in order to make a judgement on whether they deserve it or not?! It's such a closely guarded secret at our school that know one knows or, frankly for that matter, cares. Other people's finances aren't anyone's business. I'm shocked that there are people at some independent schools who actually discuss this. I'm quite involved at my kids' school and, in all the years I've been there, have never had a discussion or heard a discussion about a family's FA aid status. I don't get it.

To the OP - give or don't give. No one will care, but don't make such a big deal about it. Get off your soapbox and remember that all parents at private schools are burdened by the high tuition. You are not the only one paying full freight. The difference is that many other families learn the reasons the school needs additional funds. Also, if you're not willing to give money then at least offer to lend a hand with something - many things can be done at your office via email and will help the school out. Something tells me, though, that you will come up with an excuse as to why you can't help out...

FA knowledge: Because they told me. It is not a big secret. So be shocked!! Schools always "need' something or other. It is a constant and never-ending "need" to do more. Just use the tuition money. And OP, remember, there are amny families at privates who are not stretching in the slightest to pay tuition. They are not working either, so if they want to spend their spare time selling raffle tickets, just step aside and let them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Starting private in the fall and my husband and I are in disagreement over donating money through fundraisers or contributing cash to the teachers holiday gift fund. I can afford to give a little here or there, but why? The tuition is ridiculously high and its not my responsibility to fund the financial aid program. DH disagrees and says we will get branded. At our over the top preschool, we were "asked" to make a suggested donation of $30 per child to the teacher's Christmas bonus fund. Not a huge amount, but I chose not to give because I felt like why should I give when I'm already overpaying for what is basically very fancy day care. Please educate me, these tuition prices are so over the top that they can survive without extra pennies from our family.

You need to read the Beauvoir thread where parents give $200 for teachers' gifts and then feel blessed it is only $30.

[Anonymous]

Of course it is voluntary and you don't have to do it. But definitely it makes sense to contribute so others get financial aid. And also for the teacher gifts... They spend quite a bit of time and effort to teach and nurture your children. Sometimes the schools may want to raise money for something specific. I think you should take a look at a typical private school budget to see that they really need all those donations.

If you don't want to donate, public is always an option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you have a younger child who will be applying? If not, don't pay.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of course it is voluntary and you don't have to do it. But definitely it makes sense to contribute so others get financial aid. And also for the teacher gifts... They spend quite a bit of time and effort to teach and nurture your children. Sometimes the schools may want to raise money for something specific. I think you should take a look at a typical private school budget to see that they really need all those donations.

If you don't want to donate, public is always an option.

Wow, nice try, but no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have a younger child who will be applying? If not, don't pay.

+1

Wow! Distorted incentives!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Starting private in the fall and my husband and I are in disagreement over donating money through fundraisers or contributing cash to the teachers holiday gift fund. I can afford to give a little here or there, but why? The tuition is ridiculously high and its not my responsibility to fund the financial aid program. DH disagrees and says we will get branded. At our over the top preschool, we were "asked" to make a suggested donation of $30 per child to the teacher's Christmas bonus fund. Not a huge amount, but I chose not to give because I felt like why should I give when I'm already overpaying for what is basically very fancy day care. Please educate me, these tuition prices are so over the top that they can survive without extra pennies from our family.

You will probably be happier in public school. You will be asked every year to donate to the annual fund, auction, etc. That is simply the way private schools operate. If that makes you crazy, you will likely be unhappy with your choice to send your child to a private school. Sometimes parents are asked to donate $30 for a gift that is then from all of the students. This keeps "over the top" parents from sending expensive gifts to teachers. If you are uncomfortable with the gift, I think it is fine not to contribute. Ask your kid to write a thank you note either way which will be appreciated by the teacher. However, you should be willing to donate to the annual fund. Teachers are also asked to donate. The percentage of donors is important for the school in obtaining large donations, and it shows a commitment to the school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have a younger child who will be applying? If not, don't pay.

+1

That is not how it works. Schools will admit students if they feel the student will do well in their school. They don't go digging through people donating histories. A lot of families who cannot afford to give money give their time to the school by volunteering. That has been the case at all the schools my children have attended.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Starting private in the fall and my husband and I are in disagreement over donating money through fundraisers or contributing cash to the teachers holiday gift fund. I can afford to give a little here or there, but why? The tuition is ridiculously high and its not my responsibility to fund the financial aid program. DH disagrees and says we will get branded. At our over the top preschool, we were "asked" to make a suggested donation of $30 per child to the teacher's Christmas bonus fund. Not a huge amount, but I chose not to give because I felt like why should I give when I'm already overpaying for what is basically very fancy day care. Please educate me, these tuition prices are so over the top that they can survive without extra pennies from our family.

You will probably be happier in public school. You will be asked every year to donate to the annual fund, auction, etc. That is simply the way private schools operate. If that makes you crazy, you will likely be unhappy with your choice to send your child to a private school. Sometimes parents are asked to donate $30 for a gift that is then from all of the students. This keeps "over the top" parents from sending expensive gifts to teachers. If you are uncomfortable with the gift, I think it is fine not to contribute. Ask your kid to write a thank you note either way which will be appreciated by the teacher. However, you should be willing to donate to the annual fund. Teachers are also asked to donate. The percentage of donors is important for the school in obtaining large donations, and it shows a commitment to the school.

I agree the amount of your donation does not matter, but if you can give a small amount you are comfortable with, it will still be appreciated as a show of faith and that you believe in the school. If you don't feel the school is worth it, you probably are resenting the tuition you are paying and should look elsewhere for educating your DS

[Anonymous]

When we first applied for our child to attend a private school, we knew nothing about the annual fund raising, auction, etc. we both attended public and didn't know any one who had ever gone private. And mercifully, I did not discover DCUM until a few years later. The tuition seemed shockingly high, but we swallowed hard and decided to give a try at least for a few years.

We quickly learned that the school wanted even more from us financially ... We gave a small amount but were really quite shocked. Over the years, the resentment began to grow as the school asked again and again and again. Our child is now done at the school and moved on and they STILL ask for money every year. I wish they could at least find a way to ask less often.