Is it just me or are people on this board getting really mean?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find that more posts don't respond to what the OP wrote/asked. that people with no experience with what the OP asked are responding or that they respond in an 'amped up' way (see http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/390999.page). I expect those kinds of repsonses in GP/OT but responses in the SN forum used to be more measured. The OP would still be told she was overreacting but in a more calm manner - the same manner I use with my kids. Being so reactive doesn't calm/defuse a situation and it seemed that approach used to be the norm of this forum. I miss it.

Those responses aren't bad at all

Two out of the seven responses are definitely what I would call out of the norm for the forum:

"How does this happen? Lady, do you know how many mistakes are made each year with regard to prescriptions?"

"My god. A doctor is human? The horrors."

The tone of the third borderred on it (and although I wouldn't expect a doctor to memorize a chart, I would expect her to check it before refilling a prescription).
"I would certainly not stop seeing a doctor whom I liked and trusted. Is she supposed to be a robot? Is she supposed to memorize your son's chart?"

Of course, maybe your perception is different if you're from a different part of the country. For example, I understand people from New York can come across as brusque/rude. But, typically, the tone in this forum had been more civil and considered.

I'm the person who wrote Post #3 that you have called out as "borderline" getting really mean. I'm now not at all sure what you are looking for on this forum. (((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))? and constant expressions of support? Should I have told her that her son was victimized?

[Anonymous]

Furthermore, may I add that I consider your ad hominem attack on me to be -- how shall I put it? -- getting really mean. This is ridiculous. You don't single out certain posts as not meeting your very particular expectations for the Forum. There's a Report Button. You hit it.

[Anonymous]

There are plenty of non-anon support forums for those who want constant support and ((((((((((HUGS))))))))))).

Do a search by whatever issue you want support for.

[Anonymous]

Over sensitivity and anxiety issues will be a good start.

[Anonymous]

Given the number of similar posts clustering within a narrow time range, I suspect it's a small minority that are trying to change the norms of the forum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Given the number of similar posts clustering within a narrow time range, I suspect it's a small minority that are trying to change the norms of the forum.

Maybe you should instruct them on what the "norms" are. Is it written down somewhere?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Given the number of similar posts clustering within a narrow time range, I suspect it's a small minority that are trying to change the norms of the forum.

Maybe you should instruct them on what the "norms" are. Is it written down somewhere?

I'm sorry you feel the need or have the desire to be so snarky. People have been quite clear on what the norms of this forum are. Given the challenges in our lives, it's been nice to have a place to let my guard down and find support with people who face similar issues, worries, concerns and judgments. That doesn't mean we always agree with each other but at least differing opinions were expressed and recieved respectfully. If you feel you have been respectful, I would encourage you to look at how others perceive your comments. This may not be the right forum for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Given the number of similar posts clustering within a narrow time range, I suspect it's a small minority that are trying to change the norms of the forum.

Maybe you should instruct them on what the "norms" are. Is it written down somewhere?

I'm sorry you feel the need or have the desire to be so snarky. People have been quite clear on what the norms of this forum are. Given the challenges in our lives, it's been nice to have a place to let my guard down and find support with people who face similar issues, worries, concerns and judgments. That doesn't mean we always agree with each other but at least differing opinions were expressed and recieved respectfully. If you feel you have been respectful, I would encourage you to look at how others perceive your comments. This may not be the right forum for you.

I wasn't being snarky. It's a valid question to ask what the "standard of politeness" is especially since OP felt the need to post examples of what is polite, impolite and verges on impolite. You cannot judge "tone" from internet posts or have control of how others perceive posts. Apparently you and OP feel that only "butterflies and sunshine" posts belong here and feel you can control an anon forum. Well, start your own then. Your last sentence telling me, "This may not be the right forum for you." is telling and very mean. Like who are you to tell another SN parent whether they belong here or not.

[Anonymous]

It is a very strange Internet phenomenon that I have seen several times. People complain about meanness and become progressively more bullying and mean themselves.

[Anonymous]

Well, for what it's worth, I think Special Needs is getting more snarky and I wish it would not. Parents who have gone through or are going through Special Needs issues need help, advice, information or referrals. They don't need harsh judgment.

[Anonymous]

The two threads that stand out for snark recently that I've read are the one with the 2e kid who found Easter Seals daycare "too inflexible" and the kid at private school whose mother blamed a "femalecentric" education system for his issues.

I agree that many of the replies were harsh but not judgmental. There is no polite way to tell a parent that their kid is the one with issues and not the school, daycare, summer camp, teachers, etc. This is a support and advice forum but if the posters are looking for unconditional support without judgments by others who have btdt then they are not going to find it here.

[Anonymous]

I don't think the forum has changed, and I have been posting here since 2008. There are more people on DCUM. There are more responses to posts. Some are nasty.

Since 2008 whenever there have been disagreements, there have been nasty people saying "Go back to General Parenting" -- basically a slap in the face to another SN mom. These tirades about "harsh tone" are just useless nitpicking. The mom who received the wrong prescription asked others to tell her if she overreacted. She did not ask for support and advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think the forum has changed, and I have been posting here since 2008. There are more people on DCUM. There are more responses to posts. Some are nasty.

Since 2008 whenever there have been disagreements, there have been nasty people saying "Go back to General Parenting" -- basically a slap in the face to another SN mom. These tirades about "harsh tone" are just useless nitpicking. The mom who received the wrong prescription asked others to tell her if she overreacted. She did not ask for support and advice.

HHmmm. I've been posting to DCUM since 2002- even before there were forums. I was pregnant with my first DC and happened upon it. My perception is the SN forum has gotten worse in just the last 6 months. There are actually very few posts directing people back to GP and, until recently, those were only in response to egregious posts.

I, too, am wondering about the 'clustering' of posts. Maybe I'll ask Jeff to see how many unique posters there are in that cluster. He's usually good about figuring out when there are multiple posts from one person - even if that person is posting from different devices.

[Anonymous]

DCUM did not exist in 2002. And the SN forum came into being in 2007.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DCUM did not exist in 2002. And the SN forum came into being in 2007.

Sure it did. Feel free to ask Jeff. It was a list serve - there were no forums. It was kind of like a Yahoo group (but it wasn't Yahoo). You posted to the site (with a title) and all the posts were listed sequentially by time. The titles always appeared in blue until you read them and then they turned purple. Even back then, you could post anonomously. Most people did. WreckHavoc was one person I remember that often had good responses. She was often really witty but always a good writer.) You could choose to have new posts emailed to you as they were posted, batched and sent as a digest or not sent to you at all. There was a lot less traffic back then but I assure you, DCUM did exist in 2002.