My child is the only one with ADD, not on meds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are not the only one. DS is also ADHD and no, he is not on meds. His grades are not suffering so far. He has learned a lot of tactics to manage his ADHD to his advantage and to channel his extra energy into other activities. In other words, we got ourselves a huge drama geek and a voracious reader. Oh, and he's a class clown. So far, no major complaints from ES, MS and now HS.

FWIW, diagnosed at 10 with ADHD.

OP here, thanks for the reply. DS is the class clown and the teachers hate that. I was sad to hear many of the other moms chatting about what drugs their child is on. Then the doses and that special dose just to get homework done....
My son can not write anything down. He has no patience and does math in his head rather than write. I have sat and watched the other kids (mostly girls) carefully writing out tons of work. Paragraphs long.
DS is 9 and labeled by teachers as trouble. He is smart and they mention that in a patronizing way.
His self esteem is taking a dive, and I suspect that meds would make him feel less like a standout.
One day he told me that he does not understand why all the other kids in the neighborhood do not want to play as much as he does. That was a cute statement, but it saddened me.

How are his grades? Plummeting self-esteem is a major issue. These are the kids who will start to self medicate with alcohol and drugs when they get a little older if you keep holding out. Not liking the idea/stigma of medication is not a reason to make your kid suffer. In fact, it's pretty selfish.

My thoughts exactly. She is allowing her child to suffer while patting herself on the back for not medicating. Priorities need to be taken into consideration here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are you doing to help him develop appropriate coping strategies?

Do you do any of the following?

1) Have him do 30 minutes of real exercise before school every day and more after school? Does he have breakfast with a decent amount of protein?
2) Does your school have an individual trampoline in a special ed room where kids can go to jump for ten minutes if they need to let off some energy? This is what my ES school had and it was written into some children's IEP that it be available.
3) Does he have any fidgets?
4) Does he have an exercise ball for a chair? or can he stand at a desk instead of sit?
5) Have you tried relaxation yoga or meditation?
6) Does your school have a labyrinth to walk at recess?
7) Does he have a positive behavior chart on his desk? Written into his IEP?
8) Does he get frequent breaks?
9) Can he take tests in a smaller classroom with fewer children?
10) Does he see a psychologist or LCSW that is experienced with ADHD?
11) Has he every been to a social skills group?
12) Does he get positive reinforcement at home?

1) No, but good idea
2) No
3) Yes, but teacher not happy about that.
4) Yet to bring that up...
5) No, would never work...you need to see him
6) No
7) I have one at home. It works for homework surprisingly well. They did that last year and it worked well. This teacher is too busy or something.
8) No
9) Tests well
10) psychiatrist
11) actually great social skills. All kids love him. Really in tune with others and very good judge of character. Knows when to back down. Just self centered.
12) not as much as we should...

[Anonymous]

We will not medicate our son unless he's failing in school, both academically and socially. I found the book Boys Adrift by Leonard Sax to be very insightful on the topic.

[Anonymous]

We don't medicate our 8 yo son who has ADHD inattentive type. His grades aren't suffering, at this time, he's physically active, and plays well with friends. I'm very concerned about the effects drugs have on growing bodies/minds and want to wait as long as possible. FWIW, his doctors also agree that waiting is right for him, so I don't think the decision is harmful to him.

[Anonymous]

I think it's easier to hold off longer on starting medication when the child has the inattentive subtype. When it's impulsive or combined, the social implications are much greater. Our son has the combined subtype and is extremely impulsive. It's like he has no control over his body, no self control whatsover, and he is so easily angered and frustrated. On medication, he can think before he acts, he is compliant, does not get frustrated, he is so much happier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are you doing to help him develop appropriate coping strategies?

Do you do any of the following?

1) Have him do 30 minutes of real exercise before school every day and more after school? Does he have breakfast with a decent amount of protein?
2) Does your school have an individual trampoline in a special ed room where kids can go to jump for ten minutes if they need to let off some energy? This is what my ES school had and it was written into some children's IEP that it be available.
3) Does he have any fidgets?
4) Does he have an exercise ball for a chair? or can he stand at a desk instead of sit?
5) Have you tried relaxation yoga or meditation?
6) Does your school have a labyrinth to walk at recess?
7) Does he have a positive behavior chart on his desk? Written into his IEP?
8) Does he get frequent breaks?
9) Can he take tests in a smaller classroom with fewer children?
10) Does he see a psychologist or LCSW that is experienced with ADHD?
11) Has he every been to a social skills group?
12) Does he get positive reinforcement at home?

1) No, but good idea
2) No
3) Yes, but teacher not happy about that.
4) Yet to bring that up...
5) No, would never work...you need to see him
6) No
7) I have one at home. It works for homework surprisingly well. They did that last year and it worked well. This teacher is too busy or something.
8) No
9) Tests well
10) psychiatrist
11) actually great social skills. All kids love him. Really in tune with others and very good judge of character. Knows when to back down. Just self centered.
12) not as much as we should...

This makes me sad to read. You are doing a lot of teacher blaming, but it sounds like you are failing your kid too. Not just with the medication issue either.

[Anonymous]

Have you gotten him a 504 plan? What efforts have you made with the school to get supports in place? What therapies do you have in place at home? Do you have him in any athletic activities?

And honestly how many times a day do YOU lose your patience with him?

You seem to resent those of us parents who have chosen to medicate because you think it makes you look bad. Understand that most parents who medicate arrive there after significant and extended efforts to help our kids in other ways. We are not just taking the easy way out but rather have attacked the issue from multiple angles. It sounds like you just want a pass to do nothing and expect everyone else to just deal with the fallout. That's your prerogative I guess but

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you gotten him a 504 plan? What efforts have you made with the school to get supports in place? What therapies do you have in place at home? Do you have him in any athletic activities?

And honestly how many times a day do YOU lose your patience with him?

You seem to resent those of us parents who have chosen to medicate because you think it makes you look bad. Understand that most parents who medicate arrive there after significant and extended efforts to help our kids in other ways. We are not just taking the easy way out but rather have attacked the issue from multiple angles. It sounds like you just want a pass to do nothing and expect everyone else to just deal with the fallout. That's your prerogative I guess but

Agree (and I don't even have an ADHD kid on meds). Unfortunately, OP sounds a lot like my sister 7 years ago. Everyone else was failing her son and she thought she knew best regarding medication and treatment. My nephew was a bright, funny, outgoing kid but struggled with his ADHD and impulsiveness/lack of attention to detail. He's in high school now and REALLY struggling. Has no close friends, struggles to keep up with school work, and is pretty depressed/withdrawn.

But OP, rock on with your "his school is failing him, medication is evil, but he's smart and popular so everything is good" attitude. I certainly hope your son has a different experience than my nephew. My sister looks back now and wishes she could change things (although she's still 70% blaming everyone else, 30% accepting responsibility)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are you doing to help him develop appropriate coping strategies?

Do you do any of the following?

1) Have him do 30 minutes of real exercise before school every day and more after school? Does he have breakfast with a decent amount of protein?
2) Does your school have an individual trampoline in a special ed room where kids can go to jump for ten minutes if they need to let off some energy? This is what my ES school had and it was written into some children's IEP that it be available.
3) Does he have any fidgets?
4) Does he have an exercise ball for a chair? or can he stand at a desk instead of sit?
5) Have you tried relaxation yoga or meditation?
6) Does your school have a labyrinth to walk at recess?
7) Does he have a positive behavior chart on his desk? Written into his IEP?
8) Does he get frequent breaks?
9) Can he take tests in a smaller classroom with fewer children?
10) Does he see a psychologist or LCSW that is experienced with ADHD?
11) Has he every been to a social skills group?
12) Does he get positive reinforcement at home?

1) No, but good idea
2) No
3) Yes, but teacher not happy about that.
4) Yet to bring that up...
5) No, would never work...you need to see him
6) No
7) I have one at home. It works for homework surprisingly well. They did that last year and it worked well. This teacher is too busy or something.
8) No
9) Tests well
10) psychiatrist
11) actually great social skills. All kids love him. Really in tune with others and very good judge of character. Knows when to back down. Just self centered.
12) not as much as we should...

Well judging by your response here, you also sound a little too busy to try to help your son at all. But yes, the teachers are the bad ones...

Parents like you think so high and mighty of themselves they can't even see how to help their own kid because it might dare suggest they are not perfect. Sad.

[Anonymous]

To finish, but maybe consider that if it seems like you are an outlier, maybe that is a sign that your judgment is off and others are getting it right.

In any case you need to do a better job advocating for your child in a positive way with the teacher. My kid has been off and on meds over the years and his teachers haven been fantastic in either scenario. But that is largely due to the way I dealt with them.

[Anonymous]

9 so third grade right? Let me tell you if he is well liked now, that won't last. By 4th grade those class clown behaviors that seem funny in 2nd grade start to get really annoying as most boys start to grow out of those behaviors and the adhd kids don't. There was a kid in my sons class that the boys started hating so much at that age because he kept touching them and interrupting and doing silly things to get attention. Also playground sports become important and he will be ostracized there too because he won't be able to keep up and will do things to annoy the other boys like grab the ball and run away.

I bet every parent on here who has chosen to medicate has a story to tell about a sobbing child recounting some playground moment that just broke that parents heart and contributed to the decision to try meds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are you doing to help him develop appropriate coping strategies?

Do you do any of the following?

1) Have him do 30 minutes of real exercise before school every day and more after school? Does he have breakfast with a decent amount of protein?
2) Does your school have an individual trampoline in a special ed room where kids can go to jump for ten minutes if they need to let off some energy? This is what my ES school had and it was written into some children's IEP that it be available.
3) Does he have any fidgets?
4) Does he have an exercise ball for a chair? or can he stand at a desk instead of sit?
5) Have you tried relaxation yoga or meditation?
6) Does your school have a labyrinth to walk at recess?
7) Does he have a positive behavior chart on his desk? Written into his IEP?
8) Does he get frequent breaks?
9) Can he take tests in a smaller classroom with fewer children?
10) Does he see a psychologist or LCSW that is experienced with ADHD?
11) Has he every been to a social skills group?
12) Does he get positive reinforcement at home?

1) No, but good idea
2) No
3) Yes, but teacher not happy about that.
4) Yet to bring that up...
5) No, would never work...you need to see him
6) No
7) I have one at home. It works for homework surprisingly well. They did that last year and it worked well. This teacher is too busy or something.
8) No
9) Tests well
10) psychiatrist
11) actually great social skills. All kids love him. Really in tune with others and very good judge of character. Knows when to back down. Just self centered.
12) not as much as we should...

I am the PP to whom you responded. A few comments:
1) What is in his IEP? Put the positive behavior chart IN the IEP, then the teacher cannot be "too busy or something" Does he have any behavior goals in his IEP? Having them as goals can also help it rise up in priority with the teacher. Is there one aide in his class that helps all the special ed students or does your child have a one on one aide?
2) Buy a mini trampoline and gift it to the school. Then put it into his IEP. It works wonders- medicated or not. Remember medication isn't a magic elixir, it is part of an overall plan.
3) Ask for an IEP meeting and bring up trying to have him sit on an exercise ball or stand (bring the exercise ball with you).
4) Try yoga or meditation after heavy exercise. Not just once, but over a long period of time (think years,not days). Start very simple and for very small amounts of time. It take time and commitment to raise a child with special needs.
5) Get "frequent breaks" into h is IEP/504.
6) How often does he see a psychiatrist? The ones I know don't see people weekly, they are there for medication and have a LCSW or psychologist on staff for the weekly sessions.
7) If he is self centered, a social skills class would be excellent for him.
8) I would start the IEP/504 changes now, so that they can be in place next year. I would also have a meeting in the beginning of next year to go over the IEP have a "meet and greet" withe his teachers.
9) I suggest you go to wrightslaw.com and take a few of their classes (very inexpensive and on your own time), read through the website. It is very good and I learned quite a bit of information about the process of everything. expectations I should have, and what accommodations may be helpful.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are you doing to help him develop appropriate coping strategies?

Do you do any of the following?

1) Have him do 30 minutes of real exercise before school every day and more after school? Does he have breakfast with a decent amount of protein?
2) Does your school have an individual trampoline in a special ed room where kids can go to jump for ten minutes if they need to let off some energy? This is what my ES school had and it was written into some children's IEP that it be available.
3) Does he have any fidgets?
4) Does he have an exercise ball for a chair? or can he stand at a desk instead of sit?
5) Have you tried relaxation yoga or meditation?
6) Does your school have a labyrinth to walk at recess?
7) Does he have a positive behavior chart on his desk? Written into his IEP?
8) Does he get frequent breaks?
9) Can he take tests in a smaller classroom with fewer children?
10) Does he see a psychologist or LCSW that is experienced with ADHD?
11) Has he every been to a social skills group?
12) Does he get positive reinforcement at home?

1) No, but good idea
2) No
3) Yes, but teacher not happy about that.
4) Yet to bring that up...
5) No, would never work...you need to see him
6) No
7) I have one at home. It works for homework surprisingly well. They did that last year and it worked well. This teacher is too busy or something.
8) No
9) Tests well
10) psychiatrist
11) actually great social skills. All kids love him. Really in tune with others and very good judge of character. Knows when to back down. Just self centered.
12) not as much as we should...

I am the PP to whom you responded. A few comments:
1) What is in his IEP? Put the positive behavior chart IN the IEP, then the teacher cannot be "too busy or something" Does he have any behavior goals in his IEP? Having them as goals can also help it rise up in priority with the teacher. Is there one aide in his class that helps all the special ed students or does your child have a one on one aide?
2) Buy a mini trampoline and gift it to the school. Then put it into his IEP. It works wonders- medicated or not. Remember medication isn't a magic elixir, it is part of an overall plan.
3) Ask for an IEP meeting and bring up trying to have him sit on an exercise ball or stand (bring the exercise ball with you).
4) Try yoga or meditation after heavy exercise. Not just once, but over a long period of time (think years,not days). Start very simple and for very small amounts of time. It take time and commitment to raise a child with special needs.
5) Get "frequent breaks" into h is IEP/504.
6) How often does he see a psychiatrist? The ones I know don't see people weekly, they are there for medication and have a LCSW or psychologist on staff for the weekly sessions.
7) If he is self centered, a social skills class would be excellent for him.
8) I would start the IEP/504 changes now, so that they can be in place next year. I would also have a meeting in the beginning of next year to go over the IEP have a "meet and greet" withe his teachers.
9) I suggest you go to wrightslaw.com and take a few of their classes (very inexpensive and on your own time), read through the website. It is very good and I learned quite a bit of information about the process of everything. expectations I should have, and what accommodations may be helpful.

Good luck!

In the process of getting the IEP, but OMG the school really does not want to go there $$$. We tried to get him accommodations for handwriting and that failed twice. This particular teacher is not happy with me because I went to the principal early on about her. She was rude to the baby sitter and she put my son to sit next to a bully who tortured him. The bully was well known to be that way and before school started I asked her not to put them together since my son will not fight back. So a week of phone calls to principal, and then the bully's parents themselves, then a lawyer, DS got moved. Other parents went through similar things with that child. End of the year, no way to "repair" at this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:9 so third grade right? Let me tell you if he is well liked now, that won't last. By 4th grade those class clown behaviors that seem funny in 2nd grade start to get really annoying as most boys start to grow out of those behaviors and the adhd kids don't. There was a kid in my sons class that the boys started hating so much at that age because he kept touching them and interrupting and doing silly things to get attention. Also playground sports become important and he will be ostracized there too because he won't be able to keep up and will do things to annoy the other boys like grab the ball and run away.

I bet every parent on here who has chosen to medicate has a story to tell about a sobbing child recounting some playground moment that just broke that parents heart and contributed to the decision to try meds.

Are you suggesting medicating a child in advance of a social problem? Children, even those with ADD, grow and change too, often without medication.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are clearly monitoring this thread closely but you only respond to the posts that are not about medication. Even though you posted about medication, and that was the point, you are not responding to any of the posts from those of us who have been there, done that, and think you are doing a real disservice to your DS. You aren't even defending your choice (and its not clear to me WHY you are so adamantly opposed to medication), just ignoring the whole topic that you raised. Even the parents who have chosen not to medicate have said that under certain circumstances they would, and your DS seems to really be under those circumstances. He's suffering and you are refusing the treatment that could help him. Since you are a doctor, I'm pretty shocked that you are withholding medical treatment from your DS.

You went to the principal early on, going over the teacher's head. I can just imagine your dukes up approach. Perhaps you would have had more success if you hadn't gone all nuclear. Who cares about insulting the babysitter? That sucks, its inexcusable, but when you went to the principal about it you pretty much declared yourself a PITA and therefore didn't get listened to on the more important issue.

let me tell you how the school sees you: You have a child who is difficult to handle and you are not being a partner in that situation. Rather you are blaming everyone else. No one at the school likes you. The teacher doesn't like you. The principal doesn't like you. I've got to wonder if the other parents like you. As a result of this animosity, they will not go the extra mile to help your DS, especially because they don't see you helping your DS from your end. Meanwhile, he is suffering. I don;t see a good future for him unless you get your act together. Sad.