So Tired of the Competitiveness at DC's Preschool

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:WHY should you keep your mout shut and not tell anyone?

Are you saying that kids who get accepted to the Big Three are in some kind of danger? Are people sending them death threats, too? Deranged parents?

No, the deranged parents are sending death threats to the AD if their child, upon exiting the school, I presume, doesn't make it into his/her first choice.

It's like the Sopranos.

[Anonymous]

Our "feeder" preschool has a rule that these topics are not to be discussed on the school grounds AT ALL, and they strongly discouraged them being discussed outside of school.

I naively followed this advice, and was much happier for it. When someone finally did (after all the acceptance letters were in) tell me who was going where, I said, "How do you know? We aren't supposed to be discussing it."

Although I was interested to hear, through the grapevine, who got into the school our DC would be attending the next year, and to hear where her closest friends were going, I think it was actually quite healthy for us that I followed the rules in this case. It probably helps that I always look super stressed at drop off, and my nanny does pick up, so I never got sucked into the 10 minute conversation at pick up. So far i have not heard of anyone pumping nannies for info (not that it would do them any good in our case).

[Anonymous]

I think a lot of the behavior described here has to do with living in DC. In the burbs, the parents can opt for public and still sleep at night. In DC, it becomes so much more about the parent then the child. For certain parents, if their kids can not get into the school of their choice, and if they are not willing to consider other options (a less competitive private school, or their local public) then their family lifestyle changes considerably. There is a huge stigma that still exissts for the burbs if their kid it not selected. Those are the crazed parents - its all about them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think a lot of the behavior described here has to do with living in DC. In the burbs, the parents can opt for public and still sleep at night. In DC, it becomes so much more about the parent then the child. For certain parents, if their kids can not get into the school of their choice, and if they are not willing to consider other options (a less competitive private school, or their local public) then their family lifestyle changes considerably. There is a huge stigma that still exissts for the burbs if their kid it not selected. Those are the crazed parents - its all about them.

I must be missing something. What kind of lifestyle change would be necessitated by not getting into the number one school of their choice? Not that I doubt you, but I'm genuinely curious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think a lot of the behavior described here has to do with living in DC. In the burbs, the parents can opt for public and still sleep at night. In DC, it becomes so much more about the parent then the child. For certain parents, if their kids can not get into the school of their choice, and if they are not willing to consider other options (a less competitive private school, or their local public) then their family lifestyle changes considerably. There is a huge stigma that still exissts for the burbs if their kid it not selected. Those are the crazed parents - its all about them.

I really hate to disabuse you of this -- but it can be bad in the burbs, too! In the burbs it's all about getting into the magnet programs. My suspicion is that it's less bad in the burbs. But I did have a mom follow me around the soccer field last November, trying to scope out my kids' chances for getting into the same program her kid was applying to.

[Anonymous]

This CRACKS ME UP! What a bunch of insecure people you all are........reminds me of an episode I saw this summer on CSI or one of those crime shows. There was a deranged grandmother (Upper East Side Manhattan) who was killing off little three year olds in an effort to make sure her precious grandchild got a spot in a prestigious preschool!!

[Anonymous]

PP here - to clarify - I've just known of a number of families that reluctantly moved out of the District to the near-in MD BURBS when they didn't get in to the schools of their choice - loved living in the district and didn't want to go to the burbs for whatever reason. I know of 2 families that did not get in where they wanted our last year, they expressed a lot of anger about the process (suggested that kids that did get in were less worthy then theirs, and so on....) and then they moved. I was not saying that the burbs are not competitive - but - my guess is if you live in Fairfax County or Bethesda and your kid doesn't get into the private you want , you are not going to pick up and move and lose your mind over it. I have heard lots of people say if we don't get in we will move...I was just suggesting that this sort of mindset adds to the madness.

[Anonymous]

I have a good one. My preschool director magically knew the two schools where we will be applying next year, even though I didn't tell anyone except a few close friends.

It took me several months to figure it out, but now I realize that I was talking to some friends at the park, and another mom from the school overheard me.

I still can't believe that this woman told the director. I mean, why does anyone care so much? It's not like my schools are any different from anyone else's.

Anyhow, people are nuts about this topic

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This CRACKS ME UP! What a bunch of insecure people you all are........reminds me of an episode I saw this summer on CSI or one of those crime shows. There was a deranged grandmother (Upper East Side Manhattan) who was killing off little three year olds in an effort to make sure her precious grandchild got a spot in a prestigious preschool!!

Oy. The U.E.S. version of the Murdering Texas Cheerleader Mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:WHY should you keep your mout shut and not tell anyone?

Are you saying that kids who get accepted to the Big Three are in some kind of danger? Are people sending them death threats, too? Deranged parents?

I'm guessing the AD feared the reaction of the parents. Years later, when we went through the 4th grade admissions process, a "parent-friend" was really pissed that her son was rejected and wanted me to reveal all of my son's test scores. She tried to brief when I wasn't around to comprehend what he did differently during his visits, etc. I had to totally avoid her, dodge her phone calls, peeped around corners outside the school to avoid bumping into her. I was really uncomfortable and scary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WHY should you keep your mout shut and not tell anyone?

Are you saying that kids who get accepted to the Big Three are in some kind of danger? Are people sending them death threats, too? Deranged parents?

I'm guessing the AD feared the reaction of the parents. Years later, when we went through the 4th grade admissions process, a "parent-friend" was really pissed that her son was rejected and wanted me to reveal all of my son's test scores. She tried to brief when I wasn't around to comprehend what he did differently during his visits, etc. I had to totally avoid her, dodge her phone calls, peeped around corners outside the school to avoid bumping into her. I was really uncomfortable and scary.

Pls excuse the missing words, etc. I still get a little nervous remembering how stalked on I felt by this parent. Geesh

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This CRACKS ME UP! What a bunch of insecure people you all are........reminds me of an episode I saw this summer on CSI or one of those crime shows. There was a deranged grandmother (Upper East Side Manhattan) who was killing off little three year olds in an effort to make sure her precious grandchild got a spot in a prestigious preschool!!

Ah yes, it's all the fault of the people being stalked, not the fault of the stalker! Yes, that's really helpful. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

I think it's human nature to be competitive, in schools as in other things.

Usually we have manners and rules of behavior to control this kind of thing. Unfortunately the rules seem to go out the window at school application time. What about "keep your nose out of other peoples' business" -- doesn't seem to apply here....

[Anonymous]

I always thought that competition meant that people were matching their skills and talents against each other. Children's test scores and demeanor in front of admissions counselors aren't real competition-- only parents thinking of their children as a way to earn status that has nothing to do with achievement or skill. This can't be the end of it. Sports teams? Colleges? High school admission? What use is an outstanding school if the pressure at home is unhealthy?

As for "exmissions" to colleges-- don't go to a "top" school for that reason. With so many achievers, your child's chances of getting into the Ivies or similar schools is lower than at a big public high school. If you have other reasons, that's great, but the numbers don't favor Sidwell kids out of the top handful.