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So Tired of the Competitiveness at DC's Preschool
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Anonymous
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But you can't avoid getting caught up in it if other moms are sidling up to you and asking these intrusive questions. Or worse, trapping your kid during the carpool to soccer practice and asking your kid, who can't escape and doesn't have the experience to blow these adults off, the same questions. (OK, we applied to middle school not preschool, but we saw many of the same issues.)
Really, I don't think it's all coming from OP. |
Anonymous
| We know a number of moms with this competitive, steely-eyed glint in their eyes, but the one up the street from us is the worst. Unfortunately her two kids are exactly the same age as ours, so she latches onto us (and the kids if she can get them alone) around every major school school entrance point (ES, MS and HS coming up). Also in between -- what extra curriculars are your kids doing, how are you responding to the letter from Johns Hopkins CTY (we both got it), et cetera. The whole family laughs about her in private, we joke about crossing the sidewalk when we see her on the street, and we've tried to teach the kids that they don't have to answer her questions. But she has this affect on us that's hard to just shrug off. I wish we could, but it's not so easy. |
Anonymous
Sanctimony, anybody? It's not just the people who go to these preschools who are guilty. It happens in public schools too, whether it's for MS entrance to private or to another public. Unfortunately we know this because we've done both. You can't avoid getting cornered by these aggressive moms -- and we know an aggressive dad or two, too. So "getting caught up in it" is unavoidable. Whether you let it affect you is a different issue. But not everybody can just shrug it off, whatever you say. I like one PP's approach of telling the full story to anybody who asks. I can see the psychic benefits of this openness. But two thoughts, and I mean these sympathetically, not critically. First, will you be as willing to tell which schools DC got into, when the time comes? Second, part of me thinks these people don't deserve a real answer, so my mean-spirited evil twin has occasionally adopted evasive tactics like deliberately confusing which schools DC is actually applying to, or even telling a particularly aggressive mom that I had to go because I had an appointment! Maybe this counts as "getting caught up in it" though. |
Anonymous
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I think this thread is a bit exaggerated, to tell you the truth. We are not applying to private schools, but I know lots of people who are, and I always ask them how it's going, where they're applying, etc. I ask because I am genuinely curious, not out of competitiveness. (I doubt I have a "steely-eyed glint" either, LOL.) Isn't it possible that, like me, other people who discuss these things and ask questions are just curious? Must everything be reduced to competitiveness?? I think it is hardly that simple.
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Anonymous
If you've encountered the type of people being discussed on this thread, you know the difference. They are quite blatant, specific and aggressive. |
Anonymous
I'm the PP who posted that I think this thread is exaggerated. I guess I haven't met any of types being described, but I am fascinated by this. Could you give me a few examples of the "specific, blatant and aggressive" types of things they say? I'm being serious, not sarcastic--I really am curious, because I don't think I've encountered this. |
Anonymous
In all fairness, if we look at parent population in terms of percent, what percent do these obnoxious parents make up? If, for example, your child's class has 15 students, how many parents fit into that category? honestly? I would not survive a year there if this were the case. If they make up big chunk of the parent population, what kind of environment is that for your child? and for you, for that matter? |
Anonymous
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I agree, they don't make up a large percentage of any particular class, at least in my kids' schools. But they overcompensate for their small numbers by being so obnoxious.
Pumping kids for info is the pits, in my view. DC was asked by three different grownups -- two women, one man -- where DC was applying to schools and how it was going. Even just one parent doing this is enough to cause a kid distress. |
Anonymous
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I'm 16:28. Looking back at some of the posts, I do agree that it can be useful, even comforting, to talk with parents who are going through the same school admissions processes that your family is dealing with. And this obviously entails sharing info.
But it's all about how it's done. Is it done with your friends, or with people you barely know and basically have no business asking? When the parents aren't forthcoming, do they grill the kids instead? These are the parents I find obnoxious. |
Anonymous
| Basically these parents are scoping out the competition. They want to know where DC is applying, how the interview went, what did you think of the AD (code for did you hit it off with him/her). They will probably ask for test scores in a way that makes it most likely you'll cough them up. |
Anonymous
I hate to say this, but there is safety in numbers. Can't you form an alliance and (terrible word) "gang" up on these parents? not outright - just using avoidance? And give your children strategies in dealing with these parents. Teach your kids to not respond - or to use the same response which doesn't offer much information. |
Anonymous
Not OP. These aggressive parents are even scarier in mid-March when the admission letters start arriving. Back when I was new to this insane process, I gleefully contacted the AD at my son's school with what I thought was good news -- my son got into all three schools that we had applied to. She immediately told me to keep my mouth shut and not to tell anyone. Later I learned that throughout the years she had received death threats and nasty notes at her home from parents whose child was rejected from their #1 school. |
Anonymous
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Wow, that's scary!
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Anonymous
Indeed, after the first or second parent cornered DC, we did teach DC how to be vague. I'm a master of the breezy, cheerful, but meaningless response myself. The SSAT? Oh, it was fine, you know how challenging these tests are, but I'm sure it will all turn out well! Although kids, at least mine, do get intimidated by adults no matter what. |
Anonymous
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WHY should you keep your mout shut and not tell anyone?
Are you saying that kids who get accepted to the Big Three are in some kind of danger? Are people sending them death threats, too? Deranged parents? |