For those of you that do the IL vacation, reluctantly

[Anonymous]

OP, is your husband's family a bunch of demented hillbillies or something?

C'mon where are all the DCUM feminists to encourage this OP to grow up and stand up for herself and her family?

Tell your husband to fuck off this year, he can go but you and your kids aren't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It took one REALLY bad experience for my H to finally get on board with this.

Think ILs claiming the biggest room with the king bed, extra sitting area, and private bath and leaving us (with a 2 year old) the room where the double bed touched 3 of 4 walls and the door could barely open to even get into the room, so we couldn't even make a place for our kid to sleep on the floor, let alone shove 2 adults and a squirmy 2 year old in a double bed. Add in changing plans at the last moment that ended up costing us $$$ and left us having to drag a carseat across country, and that was that.

I'd have him go with the kids alone. He'll likely never want anything to do with it again after that.

We ended up on the floor in the living room with a 5yo, while DH's single and kid-free siblings got the bedrooms. We traveled the furthest and had the worst jet-lag as well. Never again.

OP here. This is us. The spoiled SIL gets the biggest room, and the single nieces get their own rooms. WTH??!! I'm the bad guy for speaking up? Are you serious? Its as if they are trying to see how much we can take - push, push, push......Actually, this is a pattern with all of DH's relationships.

Yes, I fully realize this is a DH problem. His family gives him plenty to talk about at therapy, trust me, they should be paying for it over the years.

DH needs boundaries. He has been abused by his family all his life, so he knows no different. I am clearly the opposite. As you can imagine, this does not go over well with the passive aggressive ILs who really do need a smack.

This is not only no vacation, but now I have to worry about my children. I may have to go in order to protect them. I just don't know what to do.

So your husband is an abused child and you are willingly assisting him in putting himself as well as you and your kids in the same abusive environment?

That makes you the ENABLER.

So STOP IT.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:ughh... my inlaws want a reunion vacation every year. MIL insists everyone stays in one house... the one we pay for. So we try to find the biggest we can afford... 4/5 bedrooms for about 25 people. This summer we have the same expectation but getting a hotel room would be scandalous. Too many people, with too little personal space makes me horribly cranky. I hate it, and can't wait until the week is over!! Plus, this eats up our vacation budget so we have never been on a family vacation separate from the in-laws.

You're allowed to say "No. No. No, honey, not this year, not ever again. No, in laws, not doing it."

GROW THE FUCK UP.

[Anonymous]

Op here. Let's just say they are the polar opposite of my family. There are some glaring indications that we are different. I was taught to embrace differences, while they are more of the mob mentality, which may or may not stem from their being military. My family did very well, and I guess theirs did too - though DH's family is not very happy, so what is the indication of success? Beating DH into submission? Ew.

I would love some suggestions on how to stand up to them, given what I know (after all these years).

[Anonymous]

Just make a phone call and be honest, that you're feeling unwelcome. Or say that your kids are feeling unwelcome - that'll get her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Let's just say they are the polar opposite of my family. There are some glaring indications that we are different. I was taught to embrace differences, while they are more of the mob mentality, which may or may not stem from their being military. My family did very well, and I guess theirs did too - though DH's family is not very happy, so what is the indication of success? Beating DH into submission? Ew.

I would love some suggestions on how to stand up to them, given what I know (after all these years).

Sounds to me like your husband is still seeking approval from his family even well into adulthood. My sister had an ex-H like this-- his mother clearly favored his sisters and brothers but he was the black sheep. She just had some kind of a problem with him. No matter what, though, he still insisted on spending holidays with them. Eventually my sister left him because of personality issues. But yeah, he couldn't accept that he wasn't seen as important as his siblings. My guess is he's still running to his mother's every holiday trying to win her approval.

When my parents first married they had the same issue. My father's parents favored his sisters while he was expected to have remained single and be everyone's caretaker. Funny, it was my mother (who has her own issues and needs everyone to love her and agree with her) who tried to win their approval for years, not my father. we spent a lot of holidays with them feeling like the stepchildren no one wanted to get close to. Eventually, it got to be too much and even my mom stopped trying. But even as a child, I always felt we were never quite welcomed whenever we had to go to my father's family's house for Easter or Christmas. So, please, consider that this whole situation is only creating more and more sh$tty childhood memories for your kids who will one day say, wow, mom and dad were so pathetic making us suffer at grandma's every year because grandma's a harpy who needs everyone to play her way. They'll just lose respect for you and reflect on how awful the whole situation was.

If you want your kids to respect you, if you want DH to respect you, stop the insanity, like NOW. DH has to put you all first and let his mom have her tantrum or whatever. You're not required to spend holidays with her. The only thing we're required to do in this life is die.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:11:21 again. We travel with my family too, but our family unit gets 1 bedroom while my kid-free siblings bunk down together/in the living room. And my parents watch DS least twice so we can have some kid-free time.

My parents' beach house is 3 bedrooms, plus two family rooms with pull-out couches, so the pecking order for bedrooms are: old people, kids, couples, singles (my uncle and his family visit too). We also stagger visits, so the house is only maxed out for 2 nights. That way we see everyone, but someone leaves before we start to piss each other off.

Why should single people get screwed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:11:21 again. We travel with my family too, but our family unit gets 1 bedroom while my kid-free siblings bunk down together/in the living room. And my parents watch DS least twice so we can have some kid-free time.

My parents' beach house is 3 bedrooms, plus two family rooms with pull-out couches, so the pecking order for bedrooms are: old people, kids, couples, singles (my uncle and his family visit too). We also stagger visits, so the house is only maxed out for 2 nights. That way we see everyone, but someone leaves before we start to piss each other off.

Why should single people get screwed?

No one is saying that. But do you think that 5 people (!!!!) should be in one bedroom, while each single person has their own? How much sense does that make? If that is the case, MIL needs to suck it up and rent a bigger house.