OK, so how can you identify a school's culture, values?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My theory has always been that it depends on how much the school can afford to lose the family of the bully. Whatever their stated policies may be.

Its funny you say this. I do not think it is true, at least not in the early stages/younger years of the bullying. My DS had a Bully in his class. Said Bully is certainly a financial aid student and child of a single parent (no other parent in picture) who is never at school events as single parent works very hard, long hours. We are not on any aid and are very involved in school events. DS had a run-in with Bully and reported it to me (physicality involved- so pretty serious). I went straight to school section head and teacher and demanded immediate intervention and resolution. It was "funny" the reaction from other parents/my own spouse. Most thought the Bully would be handled as PP suggests above (i.e. as a financial aid student should watch step) but the opposite was actually true, accomodations seemed to be made because Bully's home life was not as "easy" as DS (although Bully was well disciplined/appropiately over incident). I thought that it was handled well actually although, not eveyone agreed with me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My theory has always been that it depends on how much the school can afford to lose the family of the bully. Whatever their stated policies may be.

Its funny you say this. I do not think it is true, at least not in the early stages/younger years of the bullying. My DS had a Bully in his class. Said Bully is certainly a financial aid student and child of a single parent (no other parent in picture) who is never at school events as single parent works very hard, long hours. We are not on any aid and are very involved in school events. DS had a run-in with Bully and reported it to me (physicality involved- so pretty serious). I went straight to school section head and teacher and demanded immediate intervention and resolution. It was "funny" the reaction from other parents/my own spouse. Most thought the Bully would be handled as PP suggests above (i.e. as a financial aid student should watch step) but the opposite was actually true, accomodations seemed to be made because Bully's home life was not as "easy" as DS (although Bully was well disciplined/appropiately over incident). I thought that it was handled well actually although, not eveyone agreed with me.

Amazing. From your nasty tone this "apparent" financial aid student with the struggling single parent is probably being treated horribly by the little brats at school. Can't say that I would be surprised that he behaves inappropriately towards your darling son. Newsflash: most financial aid recipients at many private schools in the area come from two-parent families who make over 200k per year. I'm sure their parents tell their kids that they should watch their step or else they'll get the boot.

What nerve.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My theory has always been that it depends on how much the school can afford to lose the family of the bully. Whatever their stated policies may be.

Its funny you say this. I do not think it is true, at least not in the early stages/younger years of the bullying. My DS had a Bully in his class. Said Bully is certainly a financial aid student and child of a single parent (no other parent in picture) who is never at school events as single parent works very hard, long hours. We are not on any aid and are very involved in school events. DS had a run-in with Bully and reported it to me (physicality involved- so pretty serious). I went straight to school section head and teacher and demanded immediate intervention and resolution. It was "funny" the reaction from other parents/my own spouse. Most thought the Bully would be handled as PP suggests above (i.e. as a financial aid student should watch step) but the opposite was actually true, accomodations seemed to be made because Bully's home life was not as "easy" as DS (although Bully was well disciplined/appropiately over incident). I thought that it was handled well actually although, not eveyone agreed with me.

Amazing. From your nasty tone this "apparent" financial aid student with the struggling single parent is probably being treated horribly by the little brats at school. Can't say that I would be surprised that he behaves inappropriately towards your darling son. Newsflash: most financial aid recipients at many private schools in the area come from two-parent families who make over 200k per year. I'm sure their parents tell their kids that they should watch their step or else they'll get the boot.

NP here. Hope this isn't hijacking the thread, but I find the above comment hilarious, given that there is simultaneously another thread about financial aid in which many people are horribly castigating someone who dared to ask if her family might be considered for aid, since they have an income of 200K. (Don't mean that I think what you are saying is funny in general, but rather the situation that obviously people don't agree as to whom is receiving aid!)



What nerve.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My theory has always been that it depends on how much the school can afford to lose the family of the bully. Whatever their stated policies may be.

Its funny you say this. I do not think it is true, at least not in the early stages/younger years of the bullying. My DS had a Bully in his class. Said Bully is certainly a financial aid student and child of a single parent (no other parent in picture) who is never at school events as single parent works very hard, long hours. We are not on any aid and are very involved in school events. DS had a run-in with Bully and reported it to me (physicality involved- so pretty serious). I went straight to school section head and teacher and demanded immediate intervention and resolution. It was "funny" the reaction from other parents/my own spouse. Most thought the Bully would be handled as PP suggests above (i.e. as a financial aid student should watch step) but the opposite was actually true, accomodations seemed to be made because Bully's home life was not as "easy" as DS (although Bully was well disciplined/appropiately over incident). I thought that it was handled well actually although, not eveyone agreed with me.

Amazing. From your nasty tone this "apparent" financial aid student with the struggling single parent is probably being treated horribly by the little brats at school. Can't say that I would be surprised that he behaves inappropriately towards your darling son. Newsflash: most financial aid recipients at many private schools in the area come from two-parent families who make over 200k per year. I'm sure their parents tell their kids that they should watch their step or else they'll get the boot.

Please calm down. I did not find PP's comment nasty at all. In fact, she seems to be saying that the situation was "handled well" by the school, and that the bully was treated fairly without regard to any financial aid issues. She also seems somewhat respectful of the other family -- acknowledging that the "single parent works very hard, long hours." You may not agree with her, but there's no reason to pick a needless fight by attacking her with sarcasm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DS had a Bully in his class. Said Bully is certainly a financial aid student and child of a single parent ....
We are not on any aid and are very involved in school events. ...
(i.e. as a financial aid student should watch step) b.

I get the impression that there is more to this story.
i.e. the said 'bully' is not 'all fault'

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DS had a Bully in his class. Said Bully is certainly a financial aid student and child of a single parent ....
We are not on any aid and are very involved in school events. ...
(i.e. as a financial aid student should watch step) b.

I get the impression that there is more to this story.
i.e. the said 'bully' is not 'all fault'

I get the same impression.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My theory has always been that it depends on how much the school can afford to lose the family of the bully. Whatever their stated policies may be.

Its funny you say this. I do not think it is true, at least not in the early stages/younger years of the bullying. My DS had a Bully in his class. Said Bully is certainly a financial aid student and child of a single parent (no other parent in picture) who is never at school events as single parent works very hard, long hours. We are not on any aid and are very involved in school events. DS had a run-in with Bully and reported it to me (physicality involved- so pretty serious). I went straight to school section head and teacher and demanded immediate intervention and resolution. It was "funny" the reaction from other parents/my own spouse. Most thought the Bully would be handled as PP suggests above (i.e. as a financial aid student should watch step) but the opposite was actually true, accomodations seemed to be made because Bully's home life was not as "easy" as DS (although Bully was well disciplined/appropiately over incident). I thought that it was handled well actually although, not eveyone agreed with me.

Amazing. From your nasty tone this "apparent" financial aid student with the struggling single parent is probably being treated horribly by the little brats at school. Can't say that I would be surprised that he behaves inappropriately towards your darling son. Newsflash: most financial aid recipients at many private schools in the area come from two-parent families who make over 200k per year. I'm sure their parents tell their kids that they should watch their step or else they'll get the boot.

Please calm down. I did not find PP's comment nasty at all. In fact, she seems to be saying that the situation was "handled well" by the school, and that the bully was treated fairly without regard to any financial aid issues. She also seems somewhat respectful of the other family -- acknowledging that the "single parent works very hard, long hours." You may not agree with her, but there's no reason to pick a needless fight by attacking her with sarcasm.

I'm not PP, but there is a whiff of not nastiness, but snottiness, actually beyond snottiness, something much worse - an obliviousness and a lingering condenscension. There is also a whiff of something below racism, and yes, we don't know the race of the bully in question, and if not racism, maybe "class-ism." Sorry for the rambling thoughts, but I find it difficult to articulate what I'm sensing.

I have little doubt the author is a well-meaning mother - there is a sincerity about her that reveals that she's not one of those"glinty eyed" Stepfords referred to in so many other threads -- but her type probably outnumber the Stepfords at the Big Three, and do as much to promote the image of elitism and all those other isms that many say of the Big Three and others of their ilk.

[Anonymous]

Please calm down. I did not find PP's comment nasty at all. In fact, she seems to be saying that the situation was "handled well" by the school, and that the bully was treated fairly without regard to any financial aid issues. She also seems somewhat respectful of the other family -- acknowledging that the "single parent works very hard, long hours." You may not agree with her, but there's no reason to pick a needless fight by attacking her with sarcasm.

Thanks. I thought the situation was indeed handled well and only told the story to demonstarte that those who think a school will automatically side with a "rich" kid are wrong. Most schools have administrators who know how to handkle kids, whatever type of home situation they come from. Both children were treated well and fairly and parents were involved in appropriate ways/times. And, no, there was nothing else to the story. I do, BTW, greatly admire any single parent. I, too, work hard but, have the benefit of someone to co-parent with me and support me. I can hardly imagine how hard doing it alone would be. I drag myself to work most mornings exhausted anyway.

So, the "Bully" had been bullying other kids (that is kidS and yes, both genders are icluded and several different skin colors and soci-economic levels actually) and I had heard about it from my child and from some of the bullied kids' mothers, but no one else had gone to the section school head. I did. My child is an independent type who was aware of the bully and purposefully avoided the bully. The incident I referred to was an odd and "out of the blue" interaction and therefore all the more shocking. Bully did have an explanation but it was a moment of annoyance and nothing direct. The school handled it really well. The bully is actually a child I like very much. An incredibly personable, brilliant, and engaging child. But also a child who has a tendency to strike out at other kids who do not follow Bully's lead or who bug Bully. "Bully" has a temper and it comes out with peers.

As to the last PP, I am none of the things you mentioned:

nastiness, but snottiness, actually beyond snottiness, something much worse - an obliviousness and a lingering condenscension. There is also a whiff of something below racism, ...classism.

You are making a tremendously inaccurate and extensive assumption here about race, gender, class and all based on a very short post that was certainly slim on some details (for good reason - to protect the innocents) and written only to refute previously stated assumptions that only rich kids are given second chances or the benefit of the doubt or extra kindness at these private schools. My point was that the "bully" in questuion was treated with a great deal of kindness and understanding by the school, as was my child, and they took in to consideration the organic whole and not just the one incident and certainly not anyone's socio-economic level or, anyone's time or financial contributions, made or not, to the school. Perhaps my desire to condense the post as much as possible made me sound callow and thoughtless but, I assure you, I am not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My theory has always been that it depends on how much the school can afford to lose the family of the bully. Whatever their stated policies may be.

Its funny you say this. I do not think it is true, at least not in the early stages/younger years of the bullying. My DS had a Bully in his class. Said Bully is certainly a financial aid student and child of a single parent (no other parent in picture) who is never at school events as single parent works very hard, long hours. We are not on any aid and are very involved in school events. DS had a run-in with Bully and reported it to me (physicality involved- so pretty serious). I went straight to school section head and teacher and demanded immediate intervention and resolution. It was "funny" the reaction from other parents/my own spouse. Most thought the Bully would be handled as PP suggests above (i.e. as a financial aid student should watch step) but the opposite was actually true, accomodations seemed to be made because Bully's home life was not as "easy" as DS (although Bully was well disciplined/appropiately over incident). I thought that it was handled well actually although, not eveyone agreed with me.

Amazing. From your nasty tone this "apparent" financial aid student with the struggling single parent is probably being treated horribly by the little brats at school. Can't say that I would be surprised that he behaves inappropriately towards your darling son. Newsflash: most financial aid recipients at many private schools in the area come from two-parent families who make over 200k per year. I'm sure their parents tell their kids that they should watch their step or else they'll get the boot.

Please calm down. I did not find PP's comment nasty at all. In fact, she seems to be saying that the situation was "handled well" by the school, and that the bully was treated fairly without regard to any financial aid issues. She also seems somewhat respectful of the other family -- acknowledging that the "single parent works very hard, long hours." You may not agree with her, but there's no reason to pick a needless fight by attacking her with sarcasm.

I'm not PP, but there is a whiff of not nastiness, but snottiness, actually beyond snottiness, something much worse - an obliviousness and a lingering condenscension. There is also a whiff of something below racism, and yes, we don't know the race of the bully in question, and if not racism, maybe "class-ism." Sorry for the rambling thoughts, but I find it difficult to articulate what I'm sensing.

I have little doubt the author is a well-meaning mother - there is a sincerity about her that reveals that she's not one of those"glinty eyed" Stepfords referred to in so many other threads -- but her type probably outnumber the Stepfords at the Big Three, and do as much to promote the image of elitism and all those other isms that many say of the Big Three and others of their ilk.

Now that I've calmed down, yes, my reaction was confrontational and sarcastic. This "thing" that your'e sensing, I have experienced it first hand at a Big Three. The financial aid student seems to be viewed as the "other." My guess is that his hard-working single parent probably isn't volunteering at the school due to just working long hours. This "thing" that I was attacking is me identifying and reacting negatively to the culture at pp's school.

[Anonymous]

Thanks. I thought the situation was indeed handled well and only told the story to demonstarte that those who think a school will automatically side with a "rich" kid are wrong .... I do, BTW, greatly admire any single parent. I, too, work hard but, have the benefit of someone to co-parent with me and support me. I can hardly imagine how hard doing it alone would be. I drag myself to work most mornings exhausted anyway .... My point was that the "bully" in questuion was treated with a great deal of kindness and understanding by the school, as was my child, and they took in to consideration the organic whole and not just the one incident and certainly not anyone's socio-economic level or, anyone's time or financial contributions, made or not, to the school. Perhaps my desire to condense the post as much as possible made me sound callow and thoughtless but, I assure you, I am not.

Anonymous wrote:Now that I've calmed down, yes, my reaction was confrontational and sarcastic. This "thing" that your'e sensing, I have experienced it first hand at a Big Three. The financial aid student seems to be viewed as the "other." My guess is that his hard-working single parent probably isn't volunteering at the school due to just working long hours. This "thing" that I was attacking is me identifying and reacting negatively to the culture at pp's school.

Wow! I just want to tell both of you that I'm really impressed. You each moderated your positions to express your points thoughtfully while still standing your ground. I think this might be one of the most grown-up de-escalations of conflict I've ever seen on these boards. Good for you. A good example for all of us. Thanks.