Friend didn't come to my daughter's birthday party

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only person who thinks it is weird to invite adult friends to a 3 year old's birthday party? I think these parties are excrutiating.

Honestly OP, you sound like a high maintenance friend.

ANd you sound like a bitch.

If you don't want to go to something, decline. If you accept, show up.

If something intervenes, let the hostess know.

That's it, ettiquette for the stupid.

At least this bitch can spell!
I am still not getting why you are inviting your childless friends to a party for a three year old. Doesn't your three year old have their own friends?

I can't speak for OP, but I was always invited to my best friend's kids' parties when the kids were younger. The invited guests included family (grandparents, nearby cousins), a couple of friends with similar aged kids, and me (and my husband). We are like family, so we were always invited. As the kids got older, they started inviting more school friends, but they still invited family and us. At some point the kids started having all-kid parties. The parties weren't excruciating. We ate pizza and talked with everybody, just a very casual get together. Sometimes there was beer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She probably forgot and now is too ashamed to contact you.

You need to stop agonizing over this, OP, because your DD was not that affected.
Have you read the threads which describe parties where none of the birthday guests (or a catastrophic few) show up? Now THAT's devastating for the birthday child!

No, I haven't read it. That would be horrible. How can this happen?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:agree with PPs that it's bad form, and odd.

I also think (assuming she is childless) that she just doesn't get it that her presence was so important to you.

She might have even forgotten about the event, and now is embarrassed.

Also, again, assuming she doesn't have a kid, friendships change a lot when one couple starts having kids and one doesn't. Some friendships don't make it, some do but go through a period of distance for a while. Your focus is so different than it used to be, pre-kid, that sometimes for those without a child, it's really boring to have to deal with your focus on your kid. ("your" used generically here; not to mean YOU specifically)

One other thing: (ok I'm reaching here) if she's wanted to have kids but hasn't, it may be hard for her to go to your DDs party.

She doesn't have kids because she is concentrated on her career at this point and wants to wait until she can afford to take a whole year off. Yes, our friendship changed a lot after I had a child. Instead of seeing each other every other weekend, we now meet every couple of months because of crazy schedules. I should say used to meet.

How can someone forget about a friend's event if you talked to your friend a couple of days before the event confirming you would come?Maybe it's just me, but it doesn't make sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only person who thinks it is weird to invite adult friends to a 3 year old's birthday party? I think these parties are excrutiating.

Honestly OP, you sound like a high maintenance friend.

As I said, it was a small gathering of friends at my house, not a kids party at a rec center. I invited her and her husband because I haven't seen them in a while and thought it would be nice to have them at the event. Maybe it is strange, I don't know..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only person who thinks it is weird to invite adult friends to a 3 year old's birthday party? I think these parties are excrutiating.

Honestly OP, you sound like a high maintenance friend.

ANd you sound like a bitch.

If you don't want to go to something, decline. If you accept, show up.

If something intervenes, let the hostess know.

That's it, ettiquette for the stupid.

At least this bitch can spell!
I am still not getting why you are inviting your childless friends to a party for a three year old. Doesn't your three year old have their own friends?

She does. We invited three of her friends with their parents, but I wanted to have my friend there, too. She came to the first and second birthday parties and had a good time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only person who thinks it is weird to invite adult friends to a 3 year old's birthday party? I think these parties are excrutiating.

Honestly OP, you sound like a high maintenance friend.

ANd you sound like a bitch.

If you don't want to go to something, decline. If you accept, show up.

If something intervenes, let the hostess know.

That's it, ettiquette for the stupid.

At least this bitch can spell!
I am still not getting why you are inviting your childless friends to a party for a three year old. Doesn't your three year old have their own friends?

I can't speak for OP, but I was always invited to my best friend's kids' parties when the kids were younger. The invited guests included family (grandparents, nearby cousins), a couple of friends with similar aged kids, and me (and my husband). We are like family, so we were always invited. As the kids got older, they started inviting more school friends, but they still invited family and us. At some point the kids started having all-kid parties. The parties weren't excruciating. We ate pizza and talked with everybody, just a very casual get together. Sometimes there was beer.

Yes, this is exactly what our little party was like.

[Anonymous]

I would also be upset and disappointed if my friend was a no show. As others have said, she could have declined.

I was the first amongst my friends to have a child. My bridal shower and 1st bday party was very well attended with all adults. For my first child's 2nd bday party, we invited a handful of very close friends. it was at a kiddie party place at 10:00 on a Saturday. Not one childless friend came. They did all give a gift the next time I saw them.

We ended up moving to DC from NY shortly after. I stopped inviting childless friends to my kiddie parties. We only have family friends now. I don't have any childless friends in DC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she forgot. If it bothers you so much, ask her.

agree

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:agree with PPs that it's bad form, and odd.

I also think (assuming she is childless) that she just doesn't get it that her presence was so important to you.

She might have even forgotten about the event, and now is embarrassed.

Also, again, assuming she doesn't have a kid, friendships change a lot when one couple starts having kids and one doesn't. Some friendships don't make it, some do but go through a period of distance for a while. Your focus is so different than it used to be, pre-kid, that sometimes for those without a child, it's really boring to have to deal with your focus on your kid. ("your" used generically here; not to mean YOU specifically)

One other thing: (ok I'm reaching here) if she's wanted to have kids but hasn't, it may be hard for her to go to your DDs party.

She doesn't have kids because she is concentrated on her career at this point and wants to wait until she can afford to take a whole year off. Yes, our friendship changed a lot after I had a child. Instead of seeing each other every other weekend, we now meet every couple of months because of crazy schedules. I should say used to meet.

How can someone forget about a friend's event if you talked to your friend a couple of days before the event confirming you would come?Maybe it's just me, but it doesn't make sense.

It is time to let this go.

[Anonymous]

So you've been holding on for this for a month OP??? Either bring it up today or forgive her and just let it go.

[Anonymous]

Just ask her, instead of posting here! Wtf, people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just ask her, instead of posting here! Wtf, people.

Because it's always better to just wallow in your feelings for a month, post on an anonymous board to get some validation and not take any responsibility for communicating with your friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would have texted her at the start of the party saying "hey, you guys on your way? should we wait for you to eat" if no response - party goes on. After party I would have texted saying - "you guys okay? expected to see you this afternoon. hope all is well, chat soon"

Why would OP do this? She expected her friend to show.

OP, just text or call your friend. Tell her you were expecting her, made dinner for her, and we're disappointed when she didn't show up. There is no point in festering over this. Just clear it up. She may not be the friend you thought she was, but it's best to deal with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:agree with PPs that it's bad form, and odd.

I also think (assuming she is childless) that she just doesn't get it that her presence was so important to you.

She might have even forgotten about the event, and now is embarrassed.

Also, again, assuming she doesn't have a kid, friendships change a lot when one couple starts having kids and one doesn't. Some friendships don't make it, some do but go through a period of distance for a while. Your focus is so different than it used to be, pre-kid, that sometimes for those without a child, it's really boring to have to deal with your focus on your kid. ("your" used generically here; not to mean YOU specifically)

One other thing: (ok I'm reaching here) if she's wanted to have kids but hasn't, it may be hard for her to go to your DDs party.

She doesn't have kids because she is concentrated on her career at this point and wants to wait until she can afford to take a whole year off. Yes, our friendship changed a lot after I had a child. Instead of seeing each other every other weekend, we now meet every couple of months because of crazy schedules. I should say used to meet.

How can someone forget about a friend's event if you talked to your friend a couple of days before the event confirming you would come?Maybe it's just me, but it doesn't make sense.

OP, if it doesn't make sense to you, then just ask her what happened. How petty would it be in the future if somebody asked you "have you seen X lately?" and your response is "no, she didn't show up to my one-year-old's bday party so we're no longer friends." Call her, ask her directly (not rudely) what happened, and then you will no longer be confused.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just ask her, instead of posting here! Wtf, people.

Because it's always better to just wallow in your feelings for a month, post on an anonymous board to get some validation and not take any responsibility for communicating with your friend.

Agreed. Yes, it's rude, maybe she forgot, whatever. The far more significant point about this post is that OP has been stewing about this for a month, waiting for the phone to ring with an abject apology, and hasn't called herself. Grow the eff up.