How available should a spouse be by cell phone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Sounds like there's no standard (not that I was expecting one but it's more all over the place than I'd expected). Find My Friends is an idea but we are mixed-platform and it looks like iOS only. Also it's creepy.

Yeah, I have never been a cell phone person but DH is. I try to have the phone on when I'm out and about (he can reach me at work via work phone if there's a true need to do so) but often calls go to voicemail. He accepts it, and I accept that he is often texting/emailing friends/work while doing other things (i.e., cooking, cleaning, watching DS, walking somewhere).

[Anonymous]

What are you talking to each other about so often during the day?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are you talking to each other about so often during the day?

Logistics. We have two children who cannot yet drive. Who's going to make dinner. Etc etc.

[Anonymous]

It's frustrating when I need to get in touch with him about something specific and I know he's generally free to answer but doesn't. If he's at work, out with his buddies - I get why he wouldn't hear or simply wouldn't pick up. But if he's home, I know he's home, and he's not answering - either because he's napping and he left all the phones on silent, or he left his phone in the coat pocket and can't hear it, or he simply doesn't want to bother getting off his bum - then I'm annoyed. Sometimes I need to reach him and he should be reachable. I'm pregnant and there are certain physical tasks related to getting things, like our kid, from the car up the stairs and into our place. If I throw out my back because he refused to pick up and help me then I'll probably ask him to carry around an 80s beeper.

[Anonymous]

I'm the find my friends user, and it would be creepy if we over used it, but it's easier for me to check my phone to see if he has left work than text or calling every 15 minutes with "have you left, I want to know when to start cooking dinner. "
Yes he can see where I am at any moment too, but I doubt he ever checks, plus who cares if he sees me at the grocery store? But we don't have trust issues, just schedule issues. I'm more patient if I have more info.

[Anonymous]

My DH calls me on his way back home to ask if he needs to pick up food, groceries, medicine etc. He also calls me on his way to work.

I do NOT call him at work at all, neither do I send him a text. If I do call, he will pick up, call back or text - within a few minutes because he knows it is an emergency. I call only when it is something I want him to do or need from him and he can help while he is still in his office.

I have a good network of family, friends and neighbors and I have invested time and effort to cultivate these relationships. In a pinch I will ask for their help because they are available.

If your spouse is nervous about your health and safety, I would just get a Life Insurance policy. I don't think there is a cure for that kind of fear.

[Anonymous]

We do all this on email.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We do all this on email.

Same. Way easier since spouse can reply when they have time.

[Anonymous]

We don't use our cell phones w/ each other very much. During the day we'll frequently email if something comes up, or we'll call each other at work if we need a response more immediate than email.

We are both available to each other whenever we can be - but neither of us freaks out if we don't answer right away or anything. There isn't a ton of mystery in our world - we tend to know what the other one is up to so it's pretty unusual that we'd be unable to reach each other if need be, or that we'd panic if we couldn't immediately get in touch.

He often forgets his cell, or leaves it uncharged, etc... Or one of us is caught up dealing w/ the kids so can't come to the phone. Or we're in a meeting. Or whatever... But our fundamental level of access is pretty constant, our level of trust is extremely high, and we tend not to have dramatically emergent situations that need immediate response.

[Anonymous]

use the cell to call b/c of emergencies or if something last minute and urgent popped up.

otherwise just use it for texting naughty and seductive thoughts to get her worked up during the day so you can ravage each other at home later.

[Anonymous]

My H never answers his phone. It's a vehicle for playing games and watching porn. I never call him anymore, if I want him to know something I text him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My spouse freaks out when I'm not available by phone. Not in a "you're cheating" way, in a "you don't care about me" way, a "you could be dead and I wouldn't know" way. Which I get, but also drives me crazy because sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. Just because I left my phone on mute in my purse by the door while I was in back nursing the baby doesn't mean I don't love you.

how do you handle this in your relationship?

Tell him you're a romantic at heart...you have a fancy for simpler times like when cellphones didn't exist and people primarily corresponded via letters. Tell him people from that period didn't FREAK OUT every other day when someone wasn't immediately accessible and for that reason you have decided to keep your phone on mute - to attain some semblance of solace from the good ol' days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I refuse to be chained to my cell phone. It's for ME. MY use when I need it. It's not so others can reach me whenever THEY want.

I'd be telling your Dh to get over himself. What did people do before the late 90's when they had cell phones? They WAITED.

This.

Jeez ....

[Anonymous]

We have a two call system.

If the other calls and busy or whatever we don't have to pickup, but if they call back immediately we need to answer or acknowledge somehow. We only do the second callback for things that need action, like sick kid at school, not something like what do you want for dinner.

That said, we almost always pick up even if to just say 'cannot talk-really busy now'. We also have Find Friend trackers on and don't find it creepy.

[Anonymous]

My DH always forgets his phone when he goes to the store. That's annoying LOL but other than that, we answer calls from one another or I'll send him a quick text "in a meeting will call when done" etc. If I call him and he doesn't answer he will call back when possible. And I rarely call him during working hours.