s/o "no boxed gift please."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think registries are outdated. Yes, even the tacky honeymoon registries. I realize this might make me old fashioned.

Honeymoon registries are tacky. The worst is when they or other requests for cash are made using horrible poems

I don't think registries are outdated. They're fine if you have one so those who specifically want to ask where you're registered in order to buy something from it can. It's just that they're tacky when splashed all over couples' social media profiles and included with wedding invitations. Gross, gross, gross. I once got an engagement party invitation with registry information included and my eyes nearly bugged out of my head.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Typically guests at Indian weddings give cash gifts or gold. They're given traditionally as a form of investment in the couple's future. During the wedding, there will be two tables set-up: one on behalf of x family and one on behalf of Y family. At these tables will sit a gentleman or two with a book. They're basically keeping record of what everyone gives. It will be at these tables we'll have a card box available.

Why do we do this? Back in the day, weddings were an expense some families couldn't afford, so the village would pitch in to help. On the wedding day, people would give two cash gifts: one for the parents and one for the person getting married. The cash for the parents is to help pay for the wedding. The cash given to the person getting married is to use for a rainy day to help their family if they so choose to. A record of this is kept on the wedding day to help save time after the wedding to create a list of gifts given. It also ensures that at the next wedding in the village, the monetary support is reciprocated. Please don't feel obligated to follow this tradition if you are not familiar with it. "

From a Gujarati Indian wedding program.

Omg! Awful!

Awful?

Really?

How's a bridal shower and the expectation for a nice wedding gift on top of that not awful?

[Anonymous]

I am sympathetic to people who don't want a bunch of household gifts, especially when they are getting married late and have these things.

But if I had to do it, and I know that enough family would be miffed if I said 'no gifts', I would probably say no gifts but if you wish make a donation to one of the following charities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For our wedding, we just didn't register. We made no mention of gifts. By not registering anywhere for anything, people could either give a gift if they wanted of their choosing or give cash. Out of 150 people we got 1 bowl and 1 tablecloth. The rest was cash. Guess it was easier for the guest than having to pick out something on their own.

Just curious. Are you Jewish or Italian? WASPs tend to send boxed gifts (they should be mailed in advance). The only check we received was from a Jewish friend.

[Anonymous]

I usually give money at weddings, unless someone tells me why to give them. Then I go against their wishes.

[Anonymous]

why=what

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am sympathetic to people who don't want a bunch of household gifts, especially when they are getting married late and have these things.

But if I had to do it, and I know that enough family would be miffed if I said 'no gifts', I would probably say no gifts but if you wish make a donation to one of the following charities.

This is what we did, as we were moving abroad shortly after our wedding. We gave the name of a good local charity that we had vetted personally and was closely tied to some of our beliefs (they focused on helping people with a condition that is the same as a close relative had), and told people gifts were unnecessary, but if they would like they can give to this charity in our name. The charity was extremely grateful.

As for registries, the ones we've seen lately are all online, so you can just go to Amazon.com, pull up their registry, and have the gift delivered directly to their house with a card. So it's no hassle at the wedding itself anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For our wedding, we just didn't register. We made no mention of gifts. By not registering anywhere for anything, people could either give a gift if they wanted of their choosing or give cash. Out of 150 people we got 1 bowl and 1 tablecloth. The rest was cash. Guess it was easier for the guest than having to pick out something on their own.

Just curious. Are you Jewish or Italian? WASPs tend to send boxed gifts (they should be mailed in advance). The only check we received was from a Jewish friend.

This is very true. It is also true of certain regions of the country, though one should never, ever "request" cash. In certain areas, it is fully expected that money is given. Not for any particular reason, except that it is tradition.

If a couple is established (or out of college!), they really don't need anything, despite how many "older relatives" ask about a registry. I lived on my own for years, so did DH, we simply didn't need anything - but we certainly were not going to spell out that we preferred cash or nothing. Of course, we are both the youngest, and one or two relatives failed to see that we are no longer ten years old, so they insisted we "must" need the basics - which we more than had enough of already. In addition, I was accustomed to different stores than DH's family, yet they would have had a complete fit if I registered where I was used to.

It feels strange to invite people (family) who are judgmental (they would never admit it) and/or don't bother to actually know anything about the couple

Is it friends or family, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For our wedding, we just didn't register. We made no mention of gifts. By not registering anywhere for anything, people could either give a gift if they wanted of their choosing or give cash. Out of 150 people we got 1 bowl and 1 tablecloth. The rest was cash. Guess it was easier for the guest than having to pick out something on their own.

Just curious. Are you Jewish or Italian? WASPs tend to send boxed gifts (they should be mailed in advance). The only check we received was from a Jewish friend.

Jewish . Born and raised in Rockville as was DH. But our families our from NYC and LI.

[Anonymous]

It's tacky but it is also tacky to bring gifts to a wedding. You should send it via mail. It is rude to out the burden on the couples family and friends to transport gifts home from wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Spin off the other thread on GP… have you ever gotten one of those wedding invitations? If so, what did you do?

I never did, but if I had I think I would buy a beautiful vase, take it out of the box and send it with a card attached. Or maybe just give money - easier.

I just gave them an empty box, as instructed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's tacky but it is also tacky to bring gifts to a wedding. You should send it via mail. It is rude to out the burden on the couples family and friends to transport gifts home from wedding.

really? I have been to lots of weddings that actually had a gift table set up and someone designated to transport the gifts. it seems they were definitely expecting people bringing gifts to the wedding. many people don't get large packages delivered by mail to their homes so they would have to go pick them up and transport them anyways. I would far rather transport them all at once from one venue then run to the post office 30 times to get 1 gift.

[Anonymous]

It seems that people are always coming up with new and better ways to be tacky in how they throw a wedding. Add this to the list.

[Anonymous]

I would bring something in a bottle. If i had known what married life was like, I would have preferred bottled gifts only .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For our wedding, we just didn't register. We made no mention of gifts. By not registering anywhere for anything, people could either give a gift if they wanted of their choosing or give cash. Out of 150 people we got 1 bowl and 1 tablecloth. The rest was cash. Guess it was easier for the guest than having to pick out something on their own.

Just curious. Are you Jewish or Italian? WASPs tend to send boxed gifts (they should be mailed in advance). The only check we received was from a Jewish friend.

Jewish . Born and raised in Rockville as was DH. But our families our from NYC and LI.

I like this posters idea of just not registering. It is far better than asking for anything, anyway. I was the poster who said this is regional - if you ask me, the region where the wedding takes place, or the background of the bride should be taken into consideration, if the guests really give a flying care. If not, its fine - but registering because someone "expects" or "wants" you to is BS. Its the bride and grooms day, no one else's. But in reality, you learn a LOT about guests during weddings and funerals! Many have a problem with it being their day instead of yours.