s/o "no boxed gift please."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As tacky as it is, I can understand it. We have an entire closet full of twenty-year old useless gifts in unopened boxes filling a closet in our basement. I can't donate them because DW says "Aunt Phoebe gave us that bowl." Ugh.

did you guys at least open the gift boxes to make sure there wasn't a card or some cash stashed inside? I've heard of people not doing that and then 20 yrs later finally realize there's $50 in there that never got acknowledged or thanked for.

[Anonymous]

"Typically guests at Indian weddings give cash gifts or gold. They're given traditionally as a form of investment in the couple's future. During the wedding, there will be two tables set-up: one on behalf of x family and one on behalf of Y family. At these tables will sit a gentleman or two with a book. They're basically keeping record of what everyone gives. It will be at these tables we'll have a card box available.

Why do we do this? Back in the day, weddings were an expense some families couldn't afford, so the village would pitch in to help. On the wedding day, people would give two cash gifts: one for the parents and one for the person getting married. The cash for the parents is to help pay for the wedding. The cash given to the person getting married is to use for a rainy day to help their family if they so choose to. A record of this is kept on the wedding day to help save time after the wedding to create a list of gifts given. It also ensures that at the next wedding in the village, the monetary support is reciprocated. Please don't feel obligated to follow this tradition if you are not familiar with it. "

From a Gujarati Indian wedding program.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As tacky as it is, I can understand it. We have an entire closet full of twenty-year old useless gifts in unopened boxes filling a closet in our basement. I can't donate them because DW says "Aunt Phoebe gave us that bowl." Ugh.

At least this way you think of Aunt Phoebe. All those faceless cash gifts are far-gone memories!

[Anonymous]

in DH's culture it means flowers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Typically guests at Indian weddings give cash gifts or gold. They're given traditionally as a form of investment in the couple's future. During the wedding, there will be two tables set-up: one on behalf of x family and one on behalf of Y family. At these tables will sit a gentleman or two with a book. They're basically keeping record of what everyone gives. It will be at these tables we'll have a card box available.

Why do we do this? Back in the day, weddings were an expense some families couldn't afford, so the village would pitch in to help. On the wedding day, people would give two cash gifts: one for the parents and one for the person getting married. The cash for the parents is to help pay for the wedding. The cash given to the person getting married is to use for a rainy day to help their family if they so choose to. A record of this is kept on the wedding day to help save time after the wedding to create a list of gifts given. It also ensures that at the next wedding in the village, the monetary support is reciprocated. Please don't feel obligated to follow this tradition if you are not familiar with it. "

From a Gujarati Indian wedding program.

Omg! Awful!

[Anonymous]

For our wedding, we just didn't register. We made no mention of gifts. By not registering anywhere for anything, people could either give a gift if they wanted of their choosing or give cash. Out of 150 people we got 1 bowl and 1 tablecloth. The rest was cash. Guess it was easier for the guest than having to pick out something on their own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Typically guests at Indian weddings give cash gifts or gold. They're given traditionally as a form of investment in the couple's future. During the wedding, there will be two tables set-up: one on behalf of x family and one on behalf of Y family. At these tables will sit a gentleman or two with a book. They're basically keeping record of what everyone gives. It will be at these tables we'll have a card box available.

Why do we do this? Back in the day, weddings were an expense some families couldn't afford, so the village would pitch in to help. On the wedding day, people would give two cash gifts: one for the parents and one for the person getting married. The cash for the parents is to help pay for the wedding. The cash given to the person getting married is to use for a rainy day to help their family if they so choose to. A record of this is kept on the wedding day to help save time after the wedding to create a list of gifts given. It also ensures that at the next wedding in the village, the monetary support is reciprocated. Please don't feel obligated to follow this tradition if you are not familiar with it. "

From a Gujarati Indian wedding program.

Omg! Awful!

Not awful. Just not the culture your grew up in.

[Anonymous]

I guess they mean put your gift in a gift bag then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's tacky to tell someone what kind of gift to give, because it assumes the attendee will give a gift.

Putting that aside however, I always give money at weddings so if I saw that after thinking the above I would think "Wow, what kind of weird-ass guests are they inviting that they don't give money at a wedding?"

You seem to be well versed in tacky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Typically guests at Indian weddings give cash gifts or gold. They're given traditionally as a form of investment in the couple's future. During the wedding, there will be two tables set-up: one on behalf of x family and one on behalf of Y family. At these tables will sit a gentleman or two with a book. They're basically keeping record of what everyone gives. It will be at these tables we'll have a card box available.

Why do we do this? Back in the day, weddings were an expense some families couldn't afford, so the village would pitch in to help. On the wedding day, people would give two cash gifts: one for the parents and one for the person getting married. The cash for the parents is to help pay for the wedding. The cash given to the person getting married is to use for a rainy day to help their family if they so choose to. A record of this is kept on the wedding day to help save time after the wedding to create a list of gifts given. It also ensures that at the next wedding in the village, the monetary support is reciprocated. Please don't feel obligated to follow this tradition if you are not familiar with it. "

From a Gujarati Indian wedding program.

Omg! Awful!

Really? I think that's cool. I'm someone who falls on the side of it being tacky to put your registry info on the invitation, but if I received an invitation like the one above from someone whose family was Indian, I'd be totally okay with it. It would be different if no one in the family normally held onto any cultural practices from India. I wouldn't see it as a cash grab but as a way of incorporating a cultural tradition into the ceremony, which is a ceremonial family event anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As tacky as it is, I can understand it. We have an entire closet full of twenty-year old useless gifts in unopened boxes filling a closet in our basement. I can't donate them because DW says "Aunt Phoebe gave us that bowl." Ugh.

did you guys at least open the gift boxes to make sure there wasn't a card or some cash stashed inside? I've heard of people not doing that and then 20 yrs later finally realize there's $50 in there that never got acknowledged or thanked for.

Yes we opened the gift wrap, but that blender is still in its original box.

[Anonymous]

Most people know that couples want cash and they give accordingly. Sometimes however people prefer to give a physical gift. I don't feel it is ever okay to make guests feel bad about that. If you don't want their gift, re-gift it but don't begrudge them the money they "should" have given. You are getting married, not shaking down your family and friends for dough. If you need cash, just tell everyone you are down and out and ask for loans.

[Anonymous]

It's an obvious request for cash. But since that's tacky to put on an invite, I'd probably just not give any gift. Fuck them.

[Anonymous]

I prefer to give money but I'd find it tacky for a couple to specify of imply they're expecting it.

[Anonymous]

I think registries are outdated. Yes, even the tacky honeymoon registries. I realize this might make me old fashioned.