So your son's best friend has a mom who is bipolar safety concerns

[Anonymous]

Your gut is telling you no, so so do not let your child be alone. Park together, play dates at your house, that's fine until you know her better.
A rumor may just be a rumor. But you don't take chances with your kids.

[Anonymous]

I have a neighbor that is completely paranoid. She wears a hat every single day, it's weird. She reports other neighbors a lot for things that aren't real. I have asked others, and they tell me she is paranoid. I am debating if I should believe them or not. I mean, it could be just a bunch of neighborhood gossips with an irrational grudge?

She has a ton of kids. Am I to believe all of her children are in danger?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a neighbor that is completely paranoid. She wears a hat every single day, it's weird. She reports other neighbors a lot for things that aren't real. I have asked others, and they tell me she is paranoid. I am debating if I should believe them or not. I mean, it could be just a bunch of neighborhood gossips with an irrational grudge?

She has a ton of kids. Am I to believe all of her children are in danger?

That's weird? It's winter. I think it's weird when people walk around w/o hats pretending they're not cold. But that doesn't make them crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have kid(s). They come first. I agree with the psychologist above - you do not take risks when it comes to your children's' safety. Nice doesn't matter.

+1 I find the criticism from some above weird. My guess is they don't have kids old enough to leave for drop-off playdates. I too have a bad vibe about one parent in our circle and had to distance myself. It was based on personal experience and I was careful not to bad mouth her around town. My kids will not be in the home of parents I know to be extremely volatile even though I never saw her do anything "dangerous."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have kid(s). They come first. I agree with the psychologist above - you do not take risks when it comes to your children's' safety. Nice doesn't matter.

+1 I find the criticism from some above weird. My guess is they don't have kids old enough to leave for drop-off playdates. I too have a bad vibe about one parent in our circle and had to distance myself. It was based on personal experience and I was careful not to bad mouth her around town. My kids will not be in the home of parents I know to be extremely volatile even though I never saw her do anything "dangerous."

See, I totally get not letting your kid be in the home of a parent who concerns you (for whatever reason). I just don't think that has to be the same as "distancing yourself."

OP can maintain a cordial relationship with the mom and encourage the boys to be friends, AND ALSO not let her son play at the other kid's house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a neighbor that is completely paranoid. She wears a hat every single day, it's weird. She reports other neighbors a lot for things that aren't real. I have asked others, and they tell me she is paranoid. I am debating if I should believe them or not. I mean, it could be just a bunch of neighborhood gossips with an irrational grudge?

She has a ton of kids. Am I to believe all of her children are in danger?

That's weird? It's winter. I think it's weird when people walk around w/o hats pretending they're not cold. But that doesn't make them crazy.

No, all year long, rain, sun, whatever. It would be impossible that she never, ever, even one day washes her hair, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have the boys at your house or places that you can be there with the other mom and the kids (zip lines, adventure park, Shadowland, etc). As long as you are around, there really isn't cause for concern. She could probably use a friend.

compassionate advice.

[Anonymous]

LOL!

So you HEARD she threatened to kill her ex husband? And for this reason you think she might be bipolar? HILARIOUS!

I think it's possible the ex-husband lied about her threat--lies are not at all unusual during divorces...or she said it in anger-and I'd love to know what happened to evoke that reaction. Couples say really crazy things to one another in anger.

That said...

If you feel uncomfortable leaving your child in her care, by all means DON'T! But please don't let the reason be some malicious rumor. You could easily find yourself on the wrong end of an unsubstantiated rumor one day, wondering why all playdates with your child has ceased.

If you're on the fence, why not have playdates where you guys take the kids out together (ex: Chuck E Cheese) and see what she's like for yourself. You'll also get to see how she interacts with both her child and yours. Or, there's always the option of having her child spend time at your house, which might be a welcomed break for a divorcee.

PS: God forbid you find yourself going through a divorce one day. You'll be surprised at what your husband says about you. As Dr. Phil likes to say, "The person you divorce is not the same person you marry."

[Anonymous]

I think it might be tough to always steer the playdates to being at OP's house or to a public place where all can be together. Eventually the friend will suggest a playdate at her house, offer to take the boys for a while on a snow day or teacher work day. What can OP say then? I have faced this dilemma myself, not with anyone known to be bipolar but simply with moms who have different standards for safety and oversight (my kids are a bit younger). Have people had success with never letting their child stay without them at the house of a BF?

[Anonymous]

I think the likelihood of someone hurting your DC is really, really low. I would be much more concerned about sexual abuse than a parent seeming "weird" in some undefinable way. (My kids are older.) I have had a situation where my DC's friend got spanked by their parent while my DC was at their house for a play date and I never let them go there again because I don't want them exposed to that and thought it was totally inappropriate, but I wasn't worried they would hurt MY child.

[Anonymous]

I think it is a rumor, and you should worry about the ones no one wants to talk about.....

[Anonymous]

Bottom line: trust your gut.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bottom line: trust your gut.

Bottom line: trust your gut and shut your trap.

It's fine to steer clear or keep you kid away, but perpetuating gossip is not helpful. Simply go about your business and if asked why you don't socialize, simply say "We just didn't have a lot in common" Don't go for the bait and repeat stories.

[Anonymous]

Many times people's 'guts' is based on the stigmatized attitudes and beliefs they hold. So their gut tells them to avoid people with mental illness because they have the underlying belief that people with mental illness are dangerous.

Over time people's 'gut' has told them to avoid black people. It has told them to avoid gay people.

Basically your gut just confirms what you already believe to be true or not true. It isn't any kind of accurate measure of safety.

[Anonymous]

It's OP. again. I have reason to believe what I've heard is true as there is collaborating evidence. Please don't ask for specifics. I'm not spreading gossip about the mom in the community but rather addressed the collaborating evidence to someone even closer to her than me when I started to notice things with her seemed off. I do really feel bad for avoiding her. If it was just a relationship with the mom and my son was grown, then I could make a decision as an adult. I wrote this message on the heels of the Columbia Mall Shooting. In situations like that people always say but so and so was so nice. I agree it's an extreme case and very unlikely but I'm going with my gut.