Has anyone successfully changed pattern from staying with relatives to staying in a hotel?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, here. Thanks for the helpful responses. Also, 22:33 makes me realize I should qualify: I haven't been able to convince my DH that it wouldn't offend his parents if we don't stay with them. Also, it's the house my DH grew up in, so he's a bit blind to the downsides.

For this situation, I think the pool excuse might be a good sell. We don't have a pool and neither do my ILs, and I'm trying to get the kids swimming some more….

You don't need an excuse to do what is best for your family.

[Anonymous]

if MIL insisted we all stay in the same place, I would insist on not going. She keeps trying to get us all to go somewhere, telling us she'll pay for everything. She will, but one of us -possibly DH - will kill her before we leave the state. Sorry, hijack. OP, tell your DH why you're uncomfortable and what you would prefer about a hotel. Then book it and have him explain it to ILs (good explanations in PPs). Spend a lot of time at ILs so it seems like you're still there. You can slowly back away from this as the visits continue. And then your hotel stays become the norm.

[Anonymous]

DH is fine with it and so are his parents (they stay in a hotel when they visit us, too). But I would like to stay in a hotel when visiting my dad and he gets so upset when I mention it. There is a starwood hotel 5 min from his house and we have multiple times said we'd prefer to stay there with our young kids, using the hotel points excuse, the pool excuse, the "better naps" excuse. But he feels very strongly that he wants his family in the house with him when we visit - he wants the joy of my kids eating breakfast with his grandkids, and of hanging out to talk, watch movies, etc with DH and me after the kids are in bed. His overall point is that we only visit him once a year and he wants to pack as much time in with us as possible, and he (probably rightfully) thinks if we stay in a hotel, we'll wind up getting to his house late each morning and leaving his house early each night. His house is very uncomfortable for us, but I get his point and to all of you who would just tell me to put on big girl pants and book a hotel, I just don't want to disappoint my dad when it is really not a huge deal in the scheme of things. I would feel differently if there was a health concern at his house, but my issue is that the house is way too cramped, with attendant crazy sleeping arrangements, and it always seems a bit dirty and stale smelling although he makes a point of having the house cleaned before we come since I've complained about it before. I do think it is worth having the convo with your ILs, OP, especially since they may be fine with it as your family has grown, but I am just sharing my story bc lots of posters seem to think it is easy to just book a room and be done with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH is fine with it and so are his parents (they stay in a hotel when they visit us, too). But I would like to stay in a hotel when visiting my dad and he gets so upset when I mention it. There is a starwood hotel 5 min from his house and we have multiple times said we'd prefer to stay there with our young kids, using the hotel points excuse, the pool excuse, the "better naps" excuse. But he feels very strongly that he wants his family in the house with him when we visit - he wants the joy of my kids eating breakfast with his grandkids, and of hanging out to talk, watch movies, etc with DH and me after the kids are in bed. His overall point is that we only visit him once a year and he wants to pack as much time in with us as possible, and he (probably rightfully) thinks if we stay in a hotel, we'll wind up getting to his house late each morning and leaving his house early each night. His house is very uncomfortable for us, but I get his point and to all of you who would just tell me to put on big girl pants and book a hotel, I just don't want to disappoint my dad when it is really not a huge deal in the scheme of things. I would feel differently if there was a health concern at his house, but my issue is that the house is way too cramped, with attendant crazy sleeping arrangements, and it always seems a bit dirty and stale smelling although he makes a point of having the house cleaned before we come since I've complained about it before. I do think it is worth having the convo with your ILs, OP, especially since they may be fine with it as your family has grown, but I am just sharing my story bc lots of posters seem to think it is easy to just book a room and be done with it.

NP here. I think in your case you have to take one for the team. Your dad does have a point both about the breakfast thing and talking late at night. I normally don't get to really talk to my parents or IL until the kids are off to bed and I would hate missing out on that part of the visits. Your other option for the once a year is to either alternate so one year your dad comes to you and then you go to him or you vacation with your dad like a beach house situation. My dad's place is cramped but I know in the grand scheme of things I would regret more for him to not have those memories of us all at his place than being uncomfortable for a few days. With another relative they have a bed but it is the most uncomfortable bed, seriously like sleeping on a wood board. I got so excited when they got a new guest mattress only for it to be as "firm" as the last. In the bigger picture, the positives outweigh the negatives so I go with it. We also alternate visits so that helps.

[Anonymous]

My parents didn't care if we stayed, but they did like that I wanted to take everyone out during the day to do stuff. If they needed a break, one or both would stay home. Otherwise they would join us. The child of the respective parents ought to know their limits for family overloads. I know my stepmom can't handle being stimulated by a large crowd for more than a couple hours at a time. Once I saw her getting agitated or uneasy, we were out the door for a few hours.

[Anonymous]

Yes, when I got married. I actually prefer mass togetherness on these trips, but I recognize it's a lot for a non (blood) family member. My family didn't seem to mind at all.

[Anonymous]

We did this as our DD & DS got older. We have a large family and the kids would usually have to bring homework with them but in all the chaos they rarely had a chance to actually get it done so we started doing a hotel room. It was surprisingly less painful then anticipated and now that they're adults we've continued staying in hotel rooms when visiting their grandparents - they just get their own!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, when I got married. I actually prefer mass togetherness on these trips, but I recognize it's a lot for a non (blood) family member. My family didn't seem to mind at all.

You are the perfect spouse, seriously. DH is too selfish and wrapped up in his family's drama to see this, and it sucks.

Great post, OP.