is it ok to lie about the number of men youve been with?

[Anonymous]

DH here: this is a tough issue. It is material information from a man's perspective, and as a result many women seem to choose to lie about it. Then, when the truth comes out, it creates problems that likely would not have existed if she had been honest in the first place. I have learned that my DW was less than truthful on this issue, and while I would not have cared at all had she been honest, it does make me wonder what else she chose to lie about.

[Anonymous]

For me the only number that would be that important would be the first one. If you told me you were a virgin when we met and I found out later you weren't than it would piss me off. I can understand though how the question might be important to others but for me not really. Are we talking saying 5 instead of 8? Or 4 instead of 24? If it was the latter and it came out that might upset someone.

[Anonymous]

No, raw, blistering truth is always the best policy in any relationship

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the question of numbers is silly, so I have lied in the past. It's just not relevant, as long as you are being honest about your sexual health and what you've done *while* you've been dating this person. I don't care if a guy i'm dating has slept with 5 people or 20 (or 100) and haven't asked. I would like to know if he's faithful to his partners or has been with a man or has any diseases.

That said, I wouldn't tell a "big" lie. I wouldn't tell someone I'd been with 3 people if the answer was more like 100, because those two numbers point to two very different people/sexual histories. I'd be more likely to say "14" if the real answer was "20-something" and I thought the guy might judge.

you lied because you know it IS relevant and it ISNT silly to the people you were lying too


wow that rationalization you gave was a doozey!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My partner once told me not only is that a stupid question, it's irrelevant. He loves me for who I am now, it wouldn't matter how many men I'd slept with. But he's a very, very different sort of human, not caught up in societal standards and such.

a white knighting slut-saver?

[Anonymous]

I find it weird that so many people are bothered about this question. I've never asked men about this, and I've never been asked, either, except once when I was much younger. I think it's absolutely none of their business, and if asked, I'd probably make my objection known. No one ie entitled to know this about you, and I'd be very cautious with the partner who feels it's his/her right to know this.

My DH never asked, by the way, and he's a very conservative man from a conservative culture.

[Anonymous]

I was truthful and so was he (we've always been able to tell each other anything)...but, honestly, it's been so long and so much time has past that it is totally a non-issue for us.

[Anonymous]

Don't tell him. Just don't. He doesn't need to know. That number is none of his business.

Be the best partner you can be. Don't cheat. Don't give him an STD.

In 50 years, you can tell him the truth, if you still feel guilty.

The only thing it can do now is upset him and damage your marriage for no good reason. Don't relieve your guilt at the cost of your marriage. It's not good for you or for him. What he doesn't know isn't going to hurt him or the marriage.

[Anonymous]

maybe OP is calling out too names of her past lovers in the throes of passion or in the middle of erotic dreams. maybe DH is trying different things in the bedroom and is realizing OP has BTDT. maybe there's a prenup and this type of untruth could null and void any potential financial settlement. maybe OP had found god and this is weighing on mind (the number + lying).

or maybe OP was bored and stirred up the pot a bit with her posting.

[Anonymous]

The word "slut" doesn't affect me. I can guarantee I have way, way more love and kindness in my life than anyone flinging that word around like an insult. There simply is no reason to care about a number.

When I was younger, a man I lived deeply asked me that. He was terribly insecure and had a good case of Madonna/whore complex. My number was one larger than his, and he flipped. Even found an old pic of a high school bf and picked a fight (I never.slept around in high school). I'll take your slut saver, as you called him- who, by the way, is the most wonderful, amazing man I've ever known in my 48 years- over an insecure man/boy any day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH here: this is a tough issue. It is material information from a man's perspective, and as a result many women seem to choose to lie about it. Then, when the truth comes out, it creates problems that likely would not have existed if she had been honest in the first place. I have learned that my DW was less than truthful on this issue, and while I would not have cared at all had she been honest, it does make me wonder what else she chose to lie about.

Why is it "material from a man's perspective?" It's not really any of your business.

[Anonymous]

Look if you said you slept with 10 then stick with ten - what is the purpose of 3/4 years later saying, "Honey...you remember when I said I had 10 lovers, well really it was 30."
What the hell would be the purpose other than to incite drama - granted I know women love drama but gimmie a break it serves no purpose to do something like that.
If you've got a guilty conscience then suck it up and live with the lie you told. No need to totally potentially disrupt a decent relationship over some dumb shit that happened years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH here: this is a tough issue. It is material information from a man's perspective, and as a result many women seem to choose to lie about it. Then, when the truth comes out, it creates problems that likely would not have existed if she had been honest in the first place. I have learned that my DW was less than truthful on this issue, and while I would not have cared at all had she been honest, it does make me wonder what else she chose to lie about.

Why is it "material from a man's perspective?" It's not really any of your business.

All behavior about our partners is material. The fact you want to hide it is a red flag.

What kind of relationship do you have with your husband where you withhold information?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been with my husband for 5 years now married for the last two. As with any relationship the question of our sexual pasts came up quite early on and I was not exactly truthful with him about how many men I have slept with. At the time I didn't think it was a big deal but as time goes on I worry about how he might react if the truth ever came out.

Is it okay? Darling, it's typically mandatory.

[Anonymous]

DH here. I have never asked for a number and I have never given one. DW was not a virgin when we met and it was clear when we first had sex that she had experience. I was not a virgin either and I knew some tricks too.

I can honestly tell you that I had no interesting in my DW's body count before me. First, I thought it was none of my business. Second, it was irrelevant.