What Happened To The Fun?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You made me laugh the first time we had dinner. That was something I looked for in a spouse. I would have dinged you right there if you hadn't. Before the kids, same thing. I remember standing behind you in the bathroom after our trip to Africa making horns around your head and playing "What animal am I?"

So how did we get here? I ask you to ride with me to pick up DD Friday night and you criticize my driving. I initiate sex Saturday and think all is good. That afternoon the kids and I are chatting about how we will decorate the house for Christmas. I hit the lip between the street and our driveway pulling in and you scream, "Ow!"

When I snap at you to stop criticizing my driving, you storm out of the car, slam the door, go into the house and slam that door. The kids want to know why you're so mad. Then we sit in the driveway and talk about Christmas decorations.

Last night we take the kids out to an activity they have wanted to do for awhile. On the way home I ask the kids if they had fun. They both say yes. I ask you. You dully say it was fine.

Where did the fun go? How am I suppose to live with someone who can find little good to say about me?

Many on this board say sex is the answer, but even that is not working. Last weekend I tried 2-3 times per day, but once Monday hit it was like it never happened.

I think we all ask ourselves this from time to time.

[Anonymous]

If he's always complaining about how you drive, why isn't he driving? So that he can have something to complain about?

If I'm driving, I'm driving. If my spouse doesn't like how I drive, he can drive or he can walk. He can't bitch about how I drive, because my driving history is squeaky fuckin' clean. Since he doesn't have a legitimate safety concern to bitch about, he's talking about preferences. If he'd prefer to drive, he may. Otherwise, he can STFU. If you have a messed up record of tickets, accidents, damage to your car, etc., I could maybe understand your spouse's concern (especially if money's tight). But, again, if he's that concerned, he should drive. If he's just looking for someone to micromanage, you need to inform him that that's not an acceptable way to treat you.

Not saying this is what's going on with your spouse, but when I get stressed, I try to Control All The Things. It's an anxiety-soothing mechanism, not that it usually works. Try to get him to talk about what's stressing him out. Mitigate the stress and he might lighten up enough to enjoy the simple fun of life again. If not, well, you tried. You're not responsible for his happiness.

In the interim, set some boundaries re: how you are to be treated (particularly in front of your kids) and enforce them. Grumps or no, he doesn't get to act like a damn brat.