Did you marry up or marry down?

[Anonymous]

Both of us think we married up
- win win!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think this is as terrible as many of the PPs. But I think you do have to break it down by category for the numbers to mean anything. I would say that in terms of looks, DH and I are similar, maybe both 5s. Intellectually, both 9s. Money has fluctuated -- when we met he was in law school and I was working, and I made more for a while, then he did, then I became a SAHM and he makes way more now than I ever did. I don't know if that means I married up since we both had about the same earning potential but he is the one pursuing the career while I dropped out for the kids. In terms of personality, I definitely married up, he has a much better personality than I do (more self-assured, less emotional, very even-keeled, less impulsive, more able to get along with a greater variety of people, etc.). Overall I consider myself an extremely lucky woman to have him.

But I bet he considers himself lucky,too. That's the thing - he clearly sees something in you. Differences that compliment each other are attractive, right? So who really "married up"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, arbitrary marital rankings from anonymous folks on a message board sure is an exercise in pursuing excellence. I can just feel myself getting more excellent by the minute, as I learn that 16:10 has a lousy personality, and 13:27 thinks she and her spouse are equally homely. The excellence is so thick, I can taste it.

Reading a thread such as this can motivate you to become a better spouse. So it aids in the pursuit of excellence. Kind of like athletes are motivated by reading about other successful athletes that preceded them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I married up financially, but we make a great pair together. He was my first choice from many.

This

[Anonymous]

This is an old fashioned idea and it's mostly based on social class and how "good" a family you are from. I admit, part of what attracted me to my DH was his fairly wealthy upper, upper middle class family. His family oozed country club, private school, large home. I didn't grow up with that and I wanted that lifestyle. I beat him on looks and our personalities are pretty similar.

[Anonymous]

I married DH because of the man he was. He is the nicest and kindest man I have met and in the long run it has meant that my emotional needs were met by him 100%. We both were attracted to each other's looks. We are both from similar backgrounds. He is quieter, I am more social. He has my back. He lets me be. He makes me whole and complete. I am the wife he wants to grow old with. We both take care of each other in all ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is an old fashioned idea and it's mostly based on social class and how "good" a family you are from. I admit, part of what attracted me to my DH was his fairly wealthy upper, upper middle class family. His family oozed country club, private school, large home. I didn't grow up with that and I wanted that lifestyle. I beat him on looks and our personalities are pretty similar.

DH met in college and I wasn't around his family much until after we married. I met them a handful of times and never saw them assembled in a big group. Lord, they're WASPy. And they have money. I'm very uncomfortable around them. If I had known that before I married him, I might have not married him. (Not really. But it's a definite minus in my book.)

[Anonymous]

OP is the same asshole who posted the thread on "are you a diva" a while ago ... some serious pathology going on there.

[Anonymous]

Married up based on intelligence. I'm a 6, she's a 9. I'm not that bright, she's an Ivy League grad. Her biological clock was ticking, I saw the only chance I might have to have smart kids, so I knocked her up. We were married shortly thereafter and are happily married today. Both kids are pretty bright, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clearly you married up, OP. I'm surprised any man would have you.

Well, OP's DH did not marry down...he married low.

Imagine living your life with this woman. Imagine her thought processes and sentiments. Imagine her looking down on the spouses of her siblings, AND THEN - imagine that she was who you chose to contribute 1/2 the DNA for your kids....

OP helps me understand my wacky SIL who has been bringing topics like this up at family dinners for the past 15 years.