Did you marry up or marry down?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's no such thing. When you choose to marry someone, you brand them as your equal.

+ 1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's no such thing. When you choose to marry someone, you brand them as your equal.

+ 1000

+1000
And there is really nothing as equal or up or down.
Everyone comes with unique combination of skills that are needed to survive in a marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do this by rating yourself and by rating your partner.
For example, I am 6 out of 10. My spouse is 9.5/10. I married up! Provide subratings, if you want, in areas such as looks, personality, intelligence, wealth, or anything else that is important to you.
Would others give the same ratings?

I expect people to marry up. You are born a certain way and it's hard to change yourself, but you are free to marry anyone you'd like.
On the other hand, I expect people to marry down because studies show that people rate themselves higher than other people rate them. It is important to rate yourself highly as it shows self-confidence, which is an attractive quality (unless it becomes arrogant or egotistical).

My siblings married down, unfortunately.

You're gross, OP, so I agree, no matter how awful your H is, you probably married up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's no such thing. When you choose to marry someone, you brand them as your equal.

Yep, I believe like attracts like, so if you married him then ya'll must be equals.

[Anonymous]

Intellectually, I married up.

Everything else is about the same I think.

[Anonymous]

Sideways, for sure.

[Anonymous]

Why would you even waste your time marrying someone you think is beneath you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why would you even waste your time marrying someone you think is beneath you?

From all the divorce and "dump him" threads on DCUM, it is obvious that many people married down. Or think they did. But those people haven't posted much here yet.

[Anonymous]

I don't think this is as terrible as many of the PPs. But I think you do have to break it down by category for the numbers to mean anything. I would say that in terms of looks, DH and I are similar, maybe both 5s. Intellectually, both 9s. Money has fluctuated -- when we met he was in law school and I was working, and I made more for a while, then he did, then I became a SAHM and he makes way more now than I ever did. I don't know if that means I married up since we both had about the same earning potential but he is the one pursuing the career while I dropped out for the kids. In terms of personality, I definitely married up, he has a much better personality than I do (more self-assured, less emotional, very even-keeled, less impulsive, more able to get along with a greater variety of people, etc.). Overall I consider myself an extremely lucky woman to have him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why would you even waste your time marrying someone you think is beneath you?

Because there are things about him I really liked, and I was ready for kids, and he was willing and able.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think this is as terrible as many of the PPs. But I think you do have to break it down by category for the numbers to mean anything. I would say that in terms of looks, DH and I are similar, maybe both 5s. Intellectually, both 9s. Money has fluctuated -- when we met he was in law school and I was working, and I made more for a while, then he did, then I became a SAHM and he makes way more now than I ever did. I don't know if that means I married up since we both had about the same earning potential but he is the one pursuing the career while I dropped out for the kids. In terms of personality, I definitely married up, he has a much better personality than I do (more self-assured, less emotional, very even-keeled, less impulsive, more able to get along with a greater variety of people, etc.). Overall I consider myself an extremely lucky woman to have him.

Looks - he was an 8 and I was a 7. I've held my value, his looks have gone down a bit.

Intellectually - I'm a 9, he's a 7.

Class background - I'm a 7, he's a 5.

Earning power now - we are both 9s.

Personality - he's a 7, I'm about a 4.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think this is as terrible as many of the PPs. But I think you do have to break it down by category for the numbers to mean anything. I would say that in terms of looks, DH and I are similar, maybe both 5s. Intellectually, both 9s. Money has fluctuated -- when we met he was in law school and I was working, and I made more for a while, then he did, then I became a SAHM and he makes way more now than I ever did. I don't know if that means I married up since we both had about the same earning potential but he is the one pursuing the career while I dropped out for the kids. In terms of personality, I definitely married up, he has a much better personality than I do (more self-assured, less emotional, very even-keeled, less impulsive, more able to get along with a greater variety of people, etc.). Overall I consider myself an extremely lucky woman to have him.

Thanks for the most honest and comprehensive answer so far. So many people enjoy bashing other people's comments, rather than just playing along. Those that hate this post are in denial about the nature of the world. We are always comparing ourselves in every way. Who is better looking? Who is going to the better school? Who has better grades? Who has a bigger house? Who has a higher salary? Who is fitter? etc. etc. We are ALWAYS competing with each other in every stage of life. We are in America! We aim for excellence. Maybe you want to move to Cuba where the government decides the size of your home and paycheck. You can be equal to everyone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just because you don't want to play, please let others respond seriously. People like to rank everything and compete. We have rankings for every sport, for countries, for wealth, for looks (beauty pageants), for talent (american idol), etc. etc. What's your beef?

No, not really.

[Anonymous]

Yes, arbitrary marital rankings from anonymous folks on a message board sure is an exercise in pursuing excellence. I can just feel myself getting more excellent by the minute, as I learn that 16:10 has a lousy personality, and 13:27 thinks she and her spouse are equally homely. The excellence is so thick, I can taste it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, arbitrary marital rankings from anonymous folks on a message board sure is an exercise in pursuing excellence. I can just feel myself getting more excellent by the minute, as I learn that 16:10 has a lousy personality, and 13:27 thinks she and her spouse are equally homely. The excellence is so thick, I can taste it.