Annoyed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't permit her to yell at you. Hang up if she does.

Someone who reads! Thank you for advice and answering my question!

Yep. Don't pick up if she calls, refer any communication to DH.

And can you reduce how often you see her? Let DH go over without you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And because OP can't explain why they can't open a bank account coherently, she changes things up and says this post is all about her MIL disrespecting her -- how should she deal with it? But the fact is that MIL is actually behaving reasonably in this case (who knows about other cases) … so it's pretty hard to give advice other than OPEN YOUR OWN ACCOUNT.

You must be one of the 15 or so people to comment but not read the replies. I never said we couldn't open an account. I said we could but that it's a lot of work. Good try though!

Time to suck it up and do the work--that seems more pleasant than what is happening with your MIL. Consider it a price well paid for having her out of your affairs forever.

[Anonymous]

Adding to the chorus, you need to get MIL off the account for business reasons! It is very bad practice to let a third party have access to a business account, no matter who she is. I would at a minimum transfer any balance over the reserve you need immediately, and stop depositing new funds there. If you go to the bank branch they may be able to help you with transferring any automatic transactions or figuring out how to manage the switchover. It will be a pain but just take an afternoon to do it. Sorry!

[Anonymous]

Another reason to get her off - if she passed away, the account would be locked and you'd be unable to access it. DCUM is full of idiots itching for a fight, ignore those PP's. I'd have dh call her out on her behavior. And if she doesn't take herself off the account, just open a new one, as much of a PITA as it is.

[Anonymous]

Why would you and your husband have a business using an account that you are not on, in the first place? You can't access it without him, and it's your business? Your mother-in-law probably thinks you're both ninnies. I'd love to hear her side of the story.

If it's causing this much grief, just open a new account and migrate the business stuff to it. You should have done that in the first place. It's not worth stirring up trouble.

[Anonymous]

OP, get your own account. Do not participate in, invite or encourage all the drama.

So what if it's a hassle to move? The account your on is hers. If you don't want to deal with her then do the work to correct the situation. It'll be a few weeks and a bunch of paperwork and then it will be forever done without having to involve her whatsoever.

Stop relishing the drama and put your energy into avoiding her and/or not providing any opportunity for her to be a problem.

[Anonymous]

Of course you don't want your business finances going through an account that you don't have access to and that a third party does. You made a mistake when you set it up that way, and now regret it. Since dealing with you MIL is difficult, minimize those interactions. You cannot change her behavior, you can only change your own. To start with, open a new account for your business and start transfering things over. You know now that this will be less work and aggravation than trying to force your MIL to sign the paperwork. For the future, you and your husband have to decide together how you will handle interactions with your MIL. Either you set boundaries together or they won't hold. Don't bother telling her anything about it, just from here on out make your decisions and actions based on what the two of you think is the best way to proceed. That may mean limiting the time spent with MIL, or making sure all communication goes between DH and MIL. Don't answer the phone when she calls, if she thinks it's important she can leave a voicemail and you can decide whether it is something you need to respond to or whether it should be passed on to your husband.

[Anonymous]

Am I only one who is suspicious of husband for suggesting that they use this account in the first place? It takes about five minutes to open up a new bank account. Why did he suggest this to begin with?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I only one who is suspicious of husband for suggesting that they use this account in the first place? It takes about five minutes to open up a new bank account. Why did he suggest this to begin with?

And I bet he know what kind of drama it would cause too. OP, your problem is your husband, not your MIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WTF. You guys can't open another account? Your major living expenses are paid for by an account your DH's mom funded when he was a minor? That's pathetic. Either set up a separate account for the earnings you both have now … or live with the fact that it is HIS AND HIS MOM'S MONEY - you are sucking at the MIL teat in that case - grow up and accept it.

No, we have more than one account. This particular account, however, has many drafts coming out/money coming in from a business. It's a large headache to move all of it to another account. Again, why does it matter if she's on it-- it's her name on it. She doesn't have a card linked to it (that she uses but I understand she *can* have one) and she doesn't check statements nor does she frequent the bank. Why should she stay on it?

you are being lazy. take the headache and get a new account

[Anonymous]

Business and family NEVER, EVER, EVER mix well. NEVER.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand why getting a new account is so difficult. I've done it a couple of times.

[Anonymous]

OP, I agree with the PPs -- keep doing what you're doing and stay out of the discussion between MIL and DH. Let DH handle it (and FWIW, you are 100% right to get her off the account, and PPs who say "just get a new account" don't understand what a headache that can be when you have been using that account for business purposes).

For now, pick a stock reply: "MIL, this is between you and DH. I'm not getting involved." Lather, rinse, repeat. Keep track of how many times you say it. If you say it more than 5 times a day, you get a mani-pedi.

[Anonymous]

If dh does, mil would get whatever funds are in that account and you could have a real headache on your hands. Stop using the account, open a new one and carry on. Yes it's a headache to do that but it's short lived she can be done. If Dh dies you'll have an even bigger headache on your hands and literally zero access to that account. Change accounts now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I agree with the PPs -- keep doing what you're doing and stay out of the discussion between MIL and DH. Let DH handle it (and FWIW, you are 100% right to get her off the account, and PPs who say "just get a new account" don't understand what a headache that can be when you have been using that account for business purposes).

For now, pick a stock reply: "MIL, this is between you and DH. I'm not getting involved." Lather, rinse, repeat. Keep track of how many times you say it. If you say it more than 5 times a day, you get a mani-pedi.

Jesus. Another bright individual. Thank you!