$1200/month for adult and child for food, clothing and the like- sounds fine?

[Anonymous]

OP mentions a child, but does not list any child-related expenses... I find it odd...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here
I don't think marriage is necessarily over, there is nothing terrible like abuse, etc. I think H just started to think a little too highly of himself and wants to be in control more). Hopefully this will change as I get my work permit and find a job. Therapy is supposed to help, too. I am sure I am enabling it, and I will either change, or just leave.

I hope to share the household, divide finances (only have a shared account for household stuff and rent, etc), and stay civil and courteous for our child. If divorce is in the cards I will have a job and child support- this is already something.

Curious, what is the norm for child support, is it governed by how much the guy makes or is just how much is needed to support the child's basic needs. Will it be more than the 1200 the OP is now getting as allowance?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, just for some perspective:

I'm a single mom in DC. I color my own hair (which looks fine) and paint my own nails (which also look fine) and spend a little bit extra on nicer skin cream and cleanser than you can get at the drug store. I also do all the shopping and have a preschooler who has a couple of extracurricular activities that are not free. Our monthly food budget is $150/week, or about $900/month. With the extra $300 from your $1200, here is what I pay:

$50 internet bill
$100 power bill
$100 phone bill
$50 into DD savings account

You're worried if you'll "be able to get by" on $1200 a month? You think you're "too old" to not color your hair? You think that NOT spending close to $400 every 6 weeks on your appearance means that you're "giving in to age" as if that's a bad thing? You sound like a spoiled, shallow princess and I am in no way surprised that your husband wants to put you on a budget. How much were you spending per month BEFORE he got this "crazy" idea?

Thank you for the helpful part of your post.
Power and Internet are on my H, that's a relief.
I don't know where you got $400 for 6 weeks on appearances, I plan to spend around $150 a month.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do spend $300 a week for DH, self and DC. $100 goes to groceries, $100 for eating out (thrice in the weekend, which we all enjoy as a family) and $100 for stuff for the house, including cleaning supplies and personal items.
While I do think your beauty regimen seems expensive and an allowance to curtail spending in that area will help, I dont understand why your DH is separating food.
Who is going to handle the cooking and what happens when one of you runs out of ketchup, will you be accused of stealing from the other or have to run to the grocery store? With a preschooler in the mix, it will only get worse since your child's needs will change with time and he is going to be confused with all this meal separation. How will you do family dinners?

What does your therapist say about this?

My H works late so not too many family dinners. We freely borrow each other's food (and offer to share); I cook for myself and child, if H wants to eat it, he is most welcome. He cooks for himself and we are welcome to help ourselves.
I haven't discussed it with the therapist yet, there are other more urgent issues to discuss.
I honestly think this is not our biggest problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP mentions a child, but does not list any child-related expenses... I find it odd...

H pays for part time preschool, I am responsible for clothing and toys, plus extracurriculars and parties, but he does not need much, really.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Just wanted to run it by other people- does it seem fair (I know it is screwed up but is it fair, and will I be able to get by)?
I would hate to color my own hair and clip coupons"

Yes, your Majesty. You will be able to get by.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here
I don't think marriage is necessarily over, there is nothing terrible like abuse, etc. I think H just started to think a little too highly of himself and wants to be in control more). Hopefully this will change as I get my work permit and find a job. Therapy is supposed to help, too. I am sure I am enabling it, and I will either change, or just leave.

I hope to share the household, divide finances (only have a shared account for household stuff and rent, etc), and stay civil and courteous for our child. If divorce is in the cards I will have a job and child support- this is already something.

Curious, what is the norm for child support, is it governed by how much the guy makes or is just how much is needed to support the child's basic needs. Will it be more than the 1200 the OP is now getting as allowance?

I had a free initial consult with a divorce attorney and in the 50/50 custody event child support will be around $1500.
I don't think H will have to pay for childcare so I will be worse off (unless I get spousal support AND land a job; spousal support will be in fact bigger than child support but H won't be able to afford it, and it won't get me too far- so I will have to have a job).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You will not land a job here OP. No company is going to sponsor you. And going back to your home country with your child might not be possible without your H's consent. Is he working on citizenship?

Once I get a green card there is no need to sponsor me.
H is welcome to keep the child with him but he won't, trust me. I know him. He likes putting me down but he does know it is hard to take care of a small child.

[Anonymous]

Where are you from? If your marriage is falling apart and you do not have a work permit, why not go home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where are you from? If your marriage is falling apart and you do not have a work permit, why not go home?

And why not try to fix it first?
This is my plan B, to go back.