a full psych evaluation and the spouses role

[Anonymous]

And terrified for the future of our seven year old daughter.

[Anonymous]

Sorry to hear that, OP. I think you need to stop thinking about his medical needs. The things you describe don't sound like he can't do stuff for himself. Actually, I didn't think his mushroom comment was that bad - I could see my DH and me laughing about something like that. But I think your relationship has broken down. Perhaps you've 'mothered' him too much and now he feels he's lost control. Anyway, I'd look to the future and get out of this relationship and forget about trying to get his medical appointments. His choice.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I have not mothered him. The disturbing thing abotu the joke was not the joke itself. The joke itself was inappropriate. The disturbing thing is that he brings up that I clearly cannot be trusted to cover his jokes, because I am not trustworthy.

I wish that was even close to the most disturbing thing he has ever said to me. I think the new toppers were issued just today. And it all closed with me saying that I think the doctors are being bamboozled. To which he replied calmly: Bamboozled? I think they think Im pretty messed up. And he wants to see none of these docs again.

So back to the theory that the real issue maybe in fact what many posters here thought: he HAS told them everything. He just has not told ME everything.

And I am not sure I want to know.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the poster that said start over with a new doc, and when you make the appt, get agreement that both of you will attend the first session. Tell them you want to give your observations for a few minutes and then you can leave and the doc can do the normal eval with your husband. If they don't agree to that up front, then don't go.

It would also help if you brought a 1-2 pager with your recent (last 6-8 weeks) observations and his med history, in a timeline format. That way the doc can refer to it when you leave the room.

When you get to the appt, your husband will need to sign the HIPPA release. I'd also suggest you tell the doctor your husband can't reliably describe his symptoms and is in a crisis state such that he can't advocate for himself (make appts, be proactive, etc), so you want the doc's agreement that you can call anytime with updates, and the doc can follow up by talking to your husband, or having your husband come in for an appt. That's the key thing -- the doc needs to verify with your husband. The doc can't just rely on your observations - that's dangerous territory for them.

I have a mentally ill brother, and my mom has often taken the 1-2 pager. While my brother won't sign a release, we have found that the docs will often listen to my parents' observations, e.g., one way communication, because my brother is very non-compliant and has schizophrenia, so they get that they need the family input.

I am also not convinced that your husband is so ill that he can't advocate for himself -- it sounds like he just doesn't want to. And it sounds like his behavior, while impossible for you, is not so severe for him. In other words, he doesn't feel bad enough to want help, while you are tearing your hair out. If that's the case, then I think you are in ultimatum territory -- i.e., you get help or I leave -- or something along those lines. But ultimately, getting help is his decision. You can't make him.

Also, the advice from the PP on 10/11/13 at 10:27 was spot on -- pay attention to that too.

[Anonymous]

Hi op, I'm a former VERY heavy weed smoker--I self medicated for years. Wake and bake, smoke at lunch, lots of breaks with my one hitter in the car. So that is the perspective I come from here, as from your description it seems that is where your husband is.

Any meds your DH is prescribed aren't going to do what they are "supposed to" while he is smoking. He needs to be honest with his doctor about what he is smoking, how much, when, etc. I'm going to assume that he isn't. I would also look at the strength of what he is smoking and how it effects him, not just blame the Wellbutrin or adderall. It all works together. If he is used to crappy schwag and buys some sticky good stuff, obvi his personality is going to change.

I'm also going to assume that he can find his own hookup and buy his own weed. That you aren't doing this for him. Why is it that he can manage to get his shit together enough to buy weed but not see to his own medical appointments? You say ADHD, I say priorities.

Quit mothering him. Yes, by making his doctors appts for him, you are mothering him. He expects you to do it all for him, down to "covering for him" when he says inappropriate things in front of your kid. That's not your job.

[Anonymous]

Also, include in your 1-2 pager that he smokes marijuana, frequency, etc. The doc needs to know that, along with any other habits like alcohol, other meds, etc.